Alot of things happened this past weekend. Ted Kennedy was buried. My 3 year old god son pointed his finger at me and said, "Never Quit," to which I dubbed him, Sensie Sippie Cup. But most importantly....50 thousand people came together on what would have been Michael Jackson's 51st Bday, this past Saturday....to simultaneously do the thriller dance and break the current Guinness world record.
Coincidentally I also love Mexicans for so graciously giving us Jessica Alba.
1-I wish Google Maps had an “Avoid Ghetto” routing option.
2-More often than not, when someone is telling me a story all I can think about is that I can’t wait for them to finish so that I can tell my own story that’s not only better, but also more directly involves me.
3-Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you’re wrong.
4-I don’t understand the purpose of the line, “I don’t need to drink to have fun.” Great, no one does. But why start a fire with flint and sticks when they’ve invented the lighter?
5-Have you ever been walking down the street and realized that you’re going in the complete opposite direction of where you are supposed to be going? But instead of just turning a 180 and walking back in the direction from which you came, you have to first do something like check your watch or phone or make a grand arm gesture and mutter to yourself to ensure that no one in the surrounding area thinks you’re crazy by randomly switching directions on the sidewalk.
6-That’s enough, Nickelback.
7-I totally take back all those times I didn’t want to nap when I was younger.
8-Is it just me, or are 80% of the people in the “people you may know” feature on Facebook people that I do know, but I deliberately choose not to be friends with?
9-Do you remember when you were a kid, playing Nintendo and it wouldn’t work? You take the cartridge out, blow in it and that would magically fix the problem. Every kid in America did that, but how did we all know how to fix the problem? There was no internet or message boards or FAQ’s. We just figured it out. Today’s kids are soft.
10-There is a great need for sarcasm font.
11-Sometimes, I’ll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and suddenly realize I had no idea what the f was going on when I first saw it.
12-I think everyone has a movie that they love so much, it actually becomes stressful to watch it with other people. I’ll end up wasting 90 minutes shiftily glancing around to confirm that everyone’s laughing at the right parts, then making sure I laugh just a little bit harder (and a millisecond earlier) to prove that I’m still the only one who really, really gets it. (I felt this way with Ghostbusters 2 recently).
13-How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?
14-I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.
15-I can’t remember the last time I wasn’t at least kind of tired.
16-Whenever someone says “I’m not book smart, but I’m street smart”, all I hear is “I’m not real smart, but I’m imaginary smart”.
17- While driving yesterday I saw a banana peel in the road and instinctively swerved to avoid it…thanks Mario Kart.
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An origins/genetic breakdown of all mythical creatures known to man, by illustrator Jim Unwin. See it nice and big here. 
Softbank Sumo from We Love You So on Vimeo.
You know how it is. You’re enjoying yourself, kicking back and relaxing at the pub or maybe at the library; or maybe you’re in class or just casually surfing the internet, indulging in a little conversation. The topic of the conversation is about a pertinent contemporary issue, probably something to do with a group of people who fall outside your realm of experience and identity. They’re also probably fairly heavily discriminated against - or so they claim.
The thing is, you’re having a good time, sharing your knowledge about these people and their issues. This knowledge is incontrovertible - it’s been backed up in media representation, books, research and lots and lots of historical events, also your own unassailable sense of being right.
Yet all of a sudden something happens to put a dampener on your sharing of your enviable intellect and incomparable capacity to fully perceive and understand All Things. It’s someone who belongs to the group of people you’re discussing and they’re Not Very Happy with you. Apparently, they claim, you’ve got it all wrong and they’re offended about that. They might be a person of colour, or a queer person. Maybe they’re a woman, or a person with disability. They could even be a trans person or a sex worker. The point is they’re trying to tell you they know better than you about their issues and you know that’s just plain wrong. How could you be wrong?
Don’t worry though! There IS something you can do to nip this potentially awkward and embarrassing situation in the bud. By simply derailing the conversation, dismissing their opinion as false and ridiculing their experience you can be sure that they continue to be marginalised and unheard and you can continue to look like the expert you know you really are, deep down inside!
CONGRATULATIONS, YOU HAVE PRIVILEGE!....
HP - invent from Tom and Matt on Vimeo.
1. 10 (count it 10) videos of grown men screaming like little girls. Always funny.2. The the most thoughtful/suckiest gift ever. Do me a favor...when in doubt, buy me a pair of jeans- always a win.4. Rev Jackson is sick and tired of how advertisers boycott urban communities. This just in Rev Jaskson....the advertising idustry could care less.5. The Marriot says Rape is your fault ladies. Maybe you should know martial arts and dark alleys wouldn't be so dangerous. Ok, the last part I made up.6. Mad Cocktails for Madmen (and women...I guess).7. High Fashion Mortal Kombat.8. 90% of US currency has traces of Cocaine all over it. Rolled up dollar bills to use drugs is allegedly what Americans are good at.9. But when all is said and done, atleast we don't have legal cocaine bars....I'm sorry, lounges.10. Ok, first blog rule ever.....DONT CALL PEOPLE SKANKS. Apply this skanky rule to your skany skank lives, you skanks.
| The Daily Show With Jon Stewart | Mon - Thurs 11p / 10c | |||
| Intro - Usain Bolt Breaks 100-Meter Record | ||||
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