Rules to Live By...

....when you only have four days to live. Recently Tim, the writer over at oneplusinfinity was told by a Bum on the street that he would die before his next bday. This is what her wrote. Good blog, so it would be a shame if he really did die.

RELATIONSHIPS
- treat your partner like a rocket ship. Get inside her and take her to heavens and back.
- Love has nothing to do with looks, but everything to do with time, trust, and interest.
- Love is a 4-letter word
- falling in love is hard on the knees
FRIENDSHIP
- caring about someone, doesn’t mean they care back
- have some ones back no matter what.
HAPPINESS
- high school is not the best years of your life
- It’s the simple things in life that are the most extraordinary
- whiskey wednesday is the best thing ever
- always have a great pair of socks on
- name you appliances/furniture it will give them life. or make you crazy
LIFE SKILLS
- Never say never, and never say always.
- if your going to burn a bridge, pour it with gas and set it a blaze and don’t look back.
- Never discuss religion or politics at the dinner table
- Being an adult can be fun when you are acting like a kid
- Trust your gut
- be a little strange, the world will look better
- freckles are not fly shit
- its ok to be scared, but don’t let that fear control you.
- always look at both sides of the metal.
FOOD
- try everything once.
- cook for other people
- dont chew with your mouth open
DRINK
- find your drink and stick with it.
- know your limits
- any day that ends is a Y is a good day to drink whiskey
FASHION
- it’s ok to wear pink
- own more than one pair of shoes. You should have a couple pairs of black shoes, one pair of brown and about 140 sneakers
MONEY
- does not make you happy
- cant take it with you when you die
- never tell some one how much you make, youll sound like an ass
WORK
- “Difficult” takes a day. “Impossible” takes a week.
- Don’t let awards control your life. Don’t get a big ego. But awards are necessary
- no job is below you.
- Your reputation is more important than your paycheck, and your integrity is worth more than your career.
- Learn the Rules and Then break them
- don’t open your mouth until you know the shot.
- take lunch.
PETS
- have at least one dog or cat that can show you unconditional love.
WEATHER
- walk in the rain (preferable bare foot )

Life lessons people. I especially concur on chewing with your mouth open, and drinking whispey all day everyday. Oh and the socks. You must have the socks.

VIA oneplusinfintiy

7 Rules to Understand Design & Designers.

I love Rule 7.

VIA swissmiss

A Step-By-Step guide to Conversing with Marginalized People.

You know how it is. You’re enjoying yourself, kicking back and relaxing at the pub or maybe at the library; or maybe you’re in class or just casually surfing the internet, indulging in a little conversation. The topic of the conversation is about a pertinent contemporary issue, probably something to do with a group of people who fall outside your realm of experience and identity. They’re also probably fairly heavily discriminated against - or so they claim.
The thing is, you’re having a good time, sharing your knowledge about these people and their issues. This knowledge is incontrovertible - it’s been backed up in media representation, books, research and lots and lots of historical events, also your own unassailable sense of being right.
Yet all of a sudden something happens to put a dampener on your sharing of your enviable intellect and incomparable capacity to fully perceive and understand All Things. It’s someone who belongs to the group of people you’re discussing and they’re Not Very Happy with you. Apparently, they claim, you’ve got it all wrong and they’re offended about that. They might be a person of colour, or a queer person. Maybe they’re a woman, or a person with disability. They could even be a trans person or a sex worker. The point is they’re trying to tell you they know better than you about their issues and you know that’s just plain wrong. How could you be wrong?

Don’t worry though! There IS something you can do to nip this potentially awkward and embarrassing situation in the bud. By simply derailing the conversation, dismissing their opinion as false and ridiculing their experience you can be sure that they continue to be marginalised and unheard and you can continue to look like the expert you know you really are, deep down inside!

CONGRATULATIONS, YOU HAVE PRIVILEGE!....

.....read on. It's real funny.

VIA swpd

Rule 1.

Makes me want to know the other rules...

VIA boingboing

Skittles and Fruit by the Foot are the same?

When I originally saw this, I said "Awesome" out loud. They were really-extra weird. Then I started to wonder exactly who thier audience was. And the style was really familiar. So I hit up gmail messaging.

Me: did you have anything to do with this

Anonymous: hahah, no i did not
that was pretty bad

Me: oh...ok. just asking. it's like the skittles people got a hold of fruit by the foot

Anonymous: yeah, the ECD on the skittles campaign now works at Saatchi, who does Fruit by the Foot. Gerry Graf.

Me: ahhhhh, you are a fountain of advertising knowledge.

The other thing they taught me at portfolio school was the importance of having different styles. Rule #2 (rule #1 about babies and puppies). :::head nod::: So now there are two completely different products with similar styling...in the same catagory. What a shame.

via adfreak

Believe in your Flyness.

1. Know your worth. People always act like they’re doing more for you than you’re doing for them. Ask yourself this question, “Why would they do that?” Obviously, you bring something to the table for them to even do business with you.

2. I wonder … would you rather have 100% from an average person or 10% from someone who is outstanding?

3. Believe in your flyness. Conquer your shyness.

4. You can learn more from a critique than from a compliment.

5. If everybody thinks it’s right, you’re doing something wrong.

6. Love your haters. They’re your biggest fans.

7. I question anyone who annoys me … but I question myself all the time.

Kanye may be crazy as all hell. But these are some good words to live by (hell has frozen over). I'm sure all of these will make his next autotunes album, in which he will ever-so-cleverly feature artists from other genres, leak the songs and then act angry all in the name of publicity.

VIA ideadrunk

GOD TEXTS THE TEN COMMANDMENTS.

BY JAMIE QUATRO

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

1. no1 b4 me. srsly. 

2. dnt wrshp pix/idols

3. no omg's

4. no wrk on w/end (sat 4 now; sun l8r) 

5. pos ok - ur m&d r cool

6. dnt kill ppl 

7. :-X only w/ m8

8. dnt steal

9. dnt lie re: bf

10. dnt ogle ur bf's m8. or ox. or dnkey. myob. 

M, pls rite on tabs & giv 2 ppl. 

ttyl, JHWH. 

ps. wwjd?

VIA dailyobsessional

Designer Oath.

Instead use toothpaste typeface.

VIA swissmiss

The Linkdown.

1. Obama sushi. Now that's some delicious change!

2. F*ck, now there's 14 sins I need to look out for. Way to keep up with the times Vatican.

3. Oprah is a hottie (*good-bad photoshop*).

4. More toilet quandaries from WAS.

5. When you love skittles as much as I do. Get Drunk off the Rainbow.

6. A Barbie Fashion Show in 2009. Im diggin the concept.

7. I kinda refuse to post another Kanye voice synthesizer video. But see it here. The song sucks...which doesn't help any.

10 Bathroom Rules for Men.

Joker over at WAS recently wrote a post titled 10 rules all men should follow when using the toilet. This is a topic that weighs heavily on my soul, especially within the work place. I think women around the world would faint if they knew the hedonistic discrepancies that occur regularly in the men's bathroom.  Though, my new job's bathroom layout alleviates much worry, Joker pretty much sums up exactly what all men over 25 should know and follow on a daily basis. This post is for Joe Coworker, who never washes his hands after he pees...you should be locked up and convicted. Word is born (throwback expression...2 points for me).  

1. Greetings should be limited to non physical acknowledgments. Who the hell wants cock, piss, ass or shit germs on ANY part of their bodies just to be nice and show you care. If you really care, wave or give me the Demolition Man greeting so you can keep your germies to yourself fucker. This applies to recently exited people from the bathroom where no less than three minutes must pass before offering a fraternal and physical greeting to a fellow human being.

OMG. the day someone pats me on the shoulder in the bathroom will be the day I lose a job.

2. Moaning is for porn, contain yourself. Though we invite you to relieve yourself, I don't need to be nauseated by some blowjob moan coming from my left.

There is nothing worse than hearing the vocal abilities of someone right next to you on the stall. Especially when you know who it is from their shoes.

4. Phonecalls while you're peeing are ok but while you're shitting, we expect silence. I don't know what's more distrurbing, knowing someone is having a detailed conversation while having to snip a loaf before time, the fact that the person on the other line might or might not know this person is taking a crap, or the unyielding truth that courtesty flushes are totally ommitted since this person is obviously more engrossed in talking shit while taking one.

The courtesy flush is a must...

7. If there are several urinals and there is only one person peeing, you must leave one urinal in between your fellow pisser. If not, you are formally declaring that you are either gay or have had gay thoughts in the last 24 hours.

Lol, I think this rule gets a pass if you're drunk at a bar. You just have to keep the eyes aimed straight foward...and no talking if I don't know you!

8. Wash not only your hands, but your nails. I've had the displeasure of seeing people with nails that look like they came from a catfight with a Crunch bar. Seriously people, ew.

ALWAYS wash your hands...it doesn't matter what device you are using. You nasty SOB. I'll call the cops...I swear. 

There are just a few, click here for the rest. And I would like to formally thank Joker for confronting this horrid epidemic head on. You are my hero!

I told you so.

the fact that this was made proves what I have always said about cats. 

VIA oneplusinfinity

the battle of good & well.

this and this alone is the only grammer mistake that makes me cringe. The use of "well" and "good". In my opinion it is as epic as the struggle between good an evil. And trust me, I know its impolite to correct someone's grammar ; I'm no grammar nazi (i mean look at this blog for example...I break grammer and spelling rules like its my job), but when people mistake these particular words...I'll correct you. Even if we are at the pearly gates and God,thee God, askes the man infront of me how he is doing I will correct him if needed...."he is actually doing well."

VERBS do well.

NOUNS do good.

damn it. 

face book in real life.

this woulda been ten times funnier if the Brits weren't doing it. Fact.



P.S. New rule....people over 30 should not be using thefacebook. Sorry...your creepy and kinda sad for it.

road bump of randomness.

So I went home for Christmas. And while I would love to do a play by play of the awesome time I had in NY, I feel it would be an injustice to you the reader. You would just end up reading it, envying me and my fabulous life (yes, I did use the f word)...and then follow it all up with a suicide. Inwhich, btw...you cannot go to heaven after. Instead, I will regail you with this brief yet pertinent blog about nothing in particular.


Tit for Tat: If you ever, ever, ever wondered what Britney Spears' breasts looked like...please click here. And if you have never wondered, I mean like...in the wholeness of her career...like even when she did "Slave For You" or when she wore the sparkly body suit while she danced with the yellow snake at the MTV awards...then you are either a "hobo's mistress" or a "white loafer wearer." In either case, you simply need to be more in touch with your emotions.


Rules of Life: (this is a new section, that will be an ongoing and ever evolving thing...it should be uhhhh new and fun)
1. When others can see your socks, while you are standing, yet you claim to be wearing long pants. You are wrong. Your pants indeed do not fit as intended. They are high waters. And you are stupid.
2. Face book. There should be rules about what you are allowed to put on facebook. Recently I reconnected with an elementary school "friend" who is in the armed forces. And though I appreciate the whole freedom thing and posting your life thing. Lets not post pics of you and your compadres in the midst of war. This is facebook taken too far. Your tagging people who might not make it home. You got guns all over the pictures. I mean......
3. Valour Pull overs for men...is never a good look. You may think you look like Tony Soprano, but I promise you...that is not what the rest of the world is thinking.
4. It isn't ok to be over 30 years of age, and still play "tea" with your dolls.
5. On public trans, just because you whipped the snot from your nose onto you hand, does not mean you have gotten rid of the snot completely. It is still on you hand. The same hand that has decided to hold onto the pole infront of me.


New Years. I am still waiting for a brilliant suggestion for new years. It's my first one, spent out side of NY, away from family, and not in church. I'm not down with the cool kids. I am thinking however, perhaps a rented movie and a bottle of shiraz, may work out for me. Or maybe just a nap...a year changing nap. Speaking of blatant counter productive life doings.....lets talk resolutions of the new year. Here is my list so far.
1. To dress better.
2. To never joke with anyone again.
3. To find a job.
4. And of coarse...like everyone else...get in shape.

......this is all I have for now. And that's sad.




Anyway, I am glad to be back in the chi. But only because 1. I get paid to be in the chi 2. It will give my metabolism a chance to catch up with my food intake. I know I am that fat kid now. Thanks alot holidays.

-FIN