In slow motion.
I laughed...hardily (loud and strong and clear). Girls take note.
Go Go Gadget Flow
And that's it. He's no Jay or Nas....but he will do for the mid-west. lol, The last song is my joint. It's the only time he really stays focused on saying something with his rhymes. He is good. Get the album. I gotta run in 9 hours. Whap whap!
Color me impressed. It's just like the cartoon but awesomer. HEEEYYYYYOOOO!
I think Snake Eyes is the sole reason for my love/fascination with Ninjas. Damn cartoons get in your mind and exploit you as an innocent child.
Getting Rid of the Body
Mail Order Brides
Need I say anything else.
Your a joke. At least I'm not a joke....to look at.
I mean...do I really need to say anything. You are not infected with death.
Atleast you dont have a baby. And if you do, atleast the Pug that you choose to bring in the family photo isn't in a ugly competition with your child. Im pretty sure they feed him (it) canned ugly.
I feel better.
I hate squirrels as much as the next guy. Infact, after watching an episode of When Animals Attack, I fear them. But this is living proof that you can dress up anything in a ridiculous miniature out fit, and someone will find it adorable.
Well, not anything.
Today, it is something of a new beast. And I realize that it is of waning interest to the youngings. In fact, i think it is us old heads who are keeping the whole franchise alive. And that is a hard task to put upon ones shoulders. Its been awhile since I have watched an entire season....I start out strong, but end up inevitably loosing interest in the characters (like I dont even remember who was in Australia.(I do remember Cohutta's country ass though, still think he is an actor). But I am still into the challenges...the Gaunlets and what not (though not truly abreast on some new players).
With that said MTV recently hosted its Real World Awards Bash. In which you the viewer (and myself) get to vote on. And this excites me. Its like the perfect nostalgia (videos, picture...you name it). Great for me. Not so great for the cast. Why? Because they ALL look like shit. Please view examples as follows:
I know what you are thinking......no one can look worse than Nathan who not only aged 10....thousand years and was recently attacked by an army of cold soars, or Tanya whose only job is to be a whore, but now she is fat, or Jon....who is 88, or Coral trying to cover her eighteen head with bangs, or Puck who looks like he contracted the HIV, or Eric who apparently just got back from a third world country after a bout of guerrilla warfare.
But its gets better.
Matt from New Orleans takes the gold for being a fatty bobatty (best thing I could come up with--Aoife talk for FAT ASS).
Ohhhhhhhh man. So, my real world dream is officially over. There was a time when all one had to worry about was being stuck in the purgatory that was MTV challenges (BTW, did anyone catch the outcome of the Gauntlet 3?, I'll blog about it soon) or never being able to get a real job (not too different form my life now)....but now I have to worry about becoming ugly too!
Real World...no thank you.
"my overall feedback:
i think you have some smart visual solutions but your design skills are not as strong as your thinking."
the rest of the email goes on to tell the rest of the faults in my book. AKA...your not good enough.
And to that I say...."man down"....someone please get me some applications to law school. Its not too late. I am still young.
Spitzer, Spitzer, Spitzer. It is my belief that he is being offered up as a sacrificial lamb. I personally think that there are not only other high rollers in office doing the same thing, but there are way worse happenings out there.
She doesn't need "class". What she needs is a cheese burger....all that dieting is going to her head.
Forgive my seceret addiction. I will have the album tommorow though. HeeeYo!
Why is puffy actin stupid at the end....?
This was a real ad in the 60's. Aren't we glad that it is no longer the 60s?
Or are we..........
*insert creepy music here*
I suggest trying all of these at work. If you are like me...with no shame level and a progressively growing lack of "caring", these little tricks could make you the new cool kid at your respective jobs. Or atleast waste 5 minutes of the 8 hour day.
Fulfilling God’s mission through your Gospel Magic;
Following God’s command through your Chalk Drawings;
Rejoicing in God’s favor through your Ventriloquism & Storytelling;
Marveling at God’s Grace when children respond to His call through you Clowning;
Revealing God’s glory through your Puppetry;
Expressing God's beauty through the art of Face Painting;
Declaring God’s word through Drama & Juggling;
Delighting in God’s way through your Balloon Artistry; . . . Pledging our ministry to God.
3. Here is a general rule of thumb. Black face, is STILL not ok...Robert Downey Jr. Though you do make one hell of an authentic black guy. Still...very, very wrong. If you weren't in that awesome looking Iron Man movie, I would be peeved.
4. Real Life Flipper. In other breaking news...hamster makes one hell of a pancake. Nawww...Im just joking. Albinos don't make pancakes.
5. Ummmmm, the Sun reported the presence of a terrorizing gnome in a small town in South America. I know, I know....you are thinking, its a midget. But watch the video. If that doesn't creep you out, you would be a nice addition to the Marines. it's like that one scene in that M Knight Shamamamamamalamamnon movie about aliens with Mel Gibson. You know, when the Alien goes to the birthday party uninvited. All he wants is some ice cream cake.
6. Want a crazy hippie Monster Bag made from yarn and named Gertrude? Well there you go. I'm pretty sure my pal Maya would really go bananas over this. Not that she is a crazy hippie. But she may be a Hip Crazy. Maya, as an avid reader...this one is for you. See...I'm good to my readers.
7. Ok, so i like cartoons. Which means....you gotta hear about it. But seriously, deviant art just became my new favorite obsession. It makes me want to draw again. Like really, really badly. This guy is soo good. Sorry for getting all cartoony on you.
8. This is what happens when you let copy writer get too cerebral with your shit. Vasectomy ads made for March maddness fans.
Giant interactive colon!
Thanks to Eliot Spitz the secrets behind running a successful high class brothel have come to light. And it's no pretty woman type stuff. It's like Richard Gere stuff from the male prostitution movie he was in way back when. And when a man (Gov Spitz) is willing to drop 80 thousand American made dollars on it...you know its good. Necessities; 1. A rating system for the clientele, they use diamonds on a 1 to 7 scale. I would probably use straight up dollar signs but thats the hood in me. 2. A website- in the year of 2007, one always always always needs a website, and the Emperor's VIP Club had one. Log in...browse your expensive hooker of choice, add them to the cart and make sure you billing address is the same as you mailing address. Free delivery on any purchase above $10 thous. 3. My personal favorite........Ad Revenue. Along side each working girls portfolio was a link inviting companies to advertise on the site.....just email email@example.com...for you know, rates and stuff. They promised superb clientele and numerous hits.
Check out the other ways one would start and maintain a successful brothel. There are quiet a few. Then you get to add the title Madame or Mistress to the front of you name. A win/win situation, I feel.
Favorite Related Quotes:
"Oh NO, HO!"- NY Post
"If that man was spending $80 dollars a year on some sex, his wife is to blame. I mean she really was not doing her job at home."
-My Mother (sometimes too real)
Some throwbacks, I personally love.
All for You , Together Again, Anytime Any Place, What's It Gonna Be (this on is for Kelly)
Other things jenna would probably rather do:
1. take it in the rear from this guy
2. have a threesome with polar bears tripping on ecstasy
3. give oral pleasure to dictator putin
So yeah...overall Peta really did do a banger of a job here. I can only imagine who is next.
Jenna Quote : “If you’re not able to provoke thought, then what are we really here for?”
My Answer: To get paid for having sex on camera and promote a fur less, but pleather filled existence. Duh!
Ok, I have some theories as to what exactly moon babies are.....ok, I actually don't have a clue as to what this kid is talking about. But doesn't it sound mildly racist?
Cystal Meth: Friend or Foe. I'm pretty sure it is foe. Remind me, when/if I become a parent, to make sure my kids dont walk out of the house with something for school that could embarrass my family name. Just, send me a memo (btw, for a meth head...the one in the yellow is kinda hot, no?). The Code of the Meniscus. I would atleast have some care in what he is talking about if that gnarly sweater didn't demand all of my attention. All of my cognitive is used up.
Exreme Wood. Either this kid is a wise ass...or the entire education system as we know it is a joke. I want to make a board titled, "Dangerous Head" or "Cockalicous (Roosters)."
This kid knows all about animal magnetism. I'm sure all the girls are lining up infront of his basement door waiting to play Dungeons and Dragons and caress his pubescent moustache. Mmmmm.
Global Warming- Yeah Right! We need oxygen to breath- Yeah Right! Dogs can't speak- Yeah Right! Gravity-Yeah Right!
This is our future....only marginally worse than all of my science projects.
Ok, that is all I got for now. Go about your boring Tuesdays and dont you worry, I will be back.
Whether it is real or not, throughout the entirety of the clip, I couldnt help but to wonder what color Sisqo's Hair Was.I know yall were too.
-decide that you will celebrate the South Side Irish Day Parade in Chicago with the roommates (especially when they are clearly not working the next day, and you are)
-start drinking cheap whiskey out of a coke bottle at 9am in the morning while on a school bus going down to the south side
-continue drinking whiskey and cokes throughout the entire morning and early afternoon (at one point standing directly infront of a liquor store like a hobo)
-hop out of the bus on the south side, not knowing where you are or how, where and when you are going to get picked up
-bring your digital camera to a drunken parade, ensuring its timely demise due to 6ft drop to the ground via the hands of others
-stand in a line for the use of alley for public urination.
- take shots from the sketchy flasks of random people (also know as strangers) - bonus points if you dont ask what it is that you are drinking
-talk religion and beliefs to your roommate's friend from home (for the second time that weekend...each occurring after bouts of drinking)
- drunkenly spend $10 on Irish paraphernalia that you will never wear again ever in your life. Oh and don't forget that you purchased it off of some man's lawn
- finally get home at 4pm to merely take a nap and get up to go back out
- then stay out drinking and socializing until 4am knowing full well that you have to go to work in a few hours
NOTE: This is a full and complete list of things to do that will ensure you have the worst work day of your life. From me, to you. I almost puked 4 times while writing this blog.
If its meant to be serious, then it is sad. But if it is stupid on purpose, then it still kinda sad. And Mariah...we dont need to see you boobs to see that you can sing.
The amount of time varies from location to location, in between genders and even in between cultures (alot has to do with your "grossness" factor).
Interestingly enough, a highschool in Arizona has also put a time limit on pda (public display of affection).
My response: Its about god damn time!
And yes, that is all this blog is about. I just happened to stumble upon the story and thought it was interesting. Not a fan of pda myself, I cant say that I feel bad for the kids- I can see why having a relationship in highschool is a distraction. I mean, I went to an all boys prep school and I was able to go 8 hours and then talk and be all highschool lovey dovey to my gf after. And look, I turned out ok. Mostly because I had nothing else to focus on but doing work in highschool and then getting into a good college. I'm just saying......
This rule might be so good, that I may apply it to my daily life. Hugs, kisses, high fives....maybe then, I will get my life back on track. If anything, it will allow me more seconds in the day to pick my food up off the floor and eat it. "30 second rule"
PS Can you imagine the prude student who got this rule implemented in the first place? Virgin for life pin...right on her/his blazer lapel in a public school.
Melissa Joan Heart...whats that? You're preggers? Or were you turned into a whale by a fellow jealous witch? Since you had a show and all. Jealousy is a horrible thing. And your a monster. ROOOAAAAR!
Awwwwww....Chris Brown and Rihanna, confirmed. Doesn't that make you feel good? Young love, obvious collaboration and another horny teen off the streets. Success.
Its been reported that Paris Hilton's guru was indeed a fake. But when I saw this picture beforehand, I couldn't help but to feel good about myself as she, while looking for spiritual help, sips her $5 coffee driving her spiritual leader around unbuckled in her pricey car.
Great googly moogly, its Bloosom form the early 90s hit Blossom. You aged as well as a spoiled orange. Like really, really well. You are like 30 and look 70. Good job using that money from your show. Six is still hot. And Joey...always a dream boat. And you look like Bet Midler.
And finally but not least.....Beckham pays a visit to some hospital in Asia on his off time to play peek-a-boo with Asian babies. Cute no? I feel like that baby is like..."Holy F*ck,that's David Beckham!"
Yall feel better yet?