because it's funny. Haitian ipod.

those darn moving pictures.

Movies: The Golden Compass. I have to see this movie on the 7th of December. The premise is a little wild, and I totally understand why no one would want to see it with me, but as one of the first BIG books I read as a kid, I feel like I owe it to myself [my obligation] as a not so avid reader. It is only like once a year I can go to a movie adaptation and say pompously, "This is nothing like the book." Though, I do not remember that much of the book, except that there are talking animals for each human in the world. There's a compass. And magic. All good reasons to get up in the morning, if you ask me. And who in thier right mind doesn't want to see 2 polar bears go at it...whether it be cgi or real life. Oh, and Nicole Kidman is in it(which may turn some off, but always seems to float my boat-as long as she doesnt have freak show eyebrows.) Hitman. Which is a story about a Hitman. And, I mean...it doesn't really get any deeper than that. So...I have to see it. Ands then, I will also see I Am Legend starring the oh so charming Will Smith (the only black mainstream actor who hasn't played the role of a troubled cop), but only b/c my roommate wants to see it, and I have this dream that one day, when he says he will see a movie in the theater, the gods will ensure that he keeps his word. Word. But truthfully, it just looks like 28 Days Later, but in America...NY to be exact. I done seen No Country for Old Men and it is good. Definitely one of those movies that ends and then you discuss it for an hour or two. Cohen movies usually go down like that. Negatively speaking, the ending was a little weak...and by week I mean, out of nowhere...like they just ran out of ideas and where like, "Let's just end it here." And the plot or subplot is about a sociopath killer had me thinking throughout the entire movie.."THEY ARE JUST GIVING CRAZY PEOPLE IDEAS, they need to stop." It's like 2 hours of brain storming for muders. Mom wa sin town, so I saw, This Christmas,which was cute. I guess...it showcases all the new upcoming black movie, c-list stars. Chris Brown was in it, playing the youngest in the family AND a singer. Tough role for him...being 18 yrs old and a singer. best part of the movie, was at the very end, during the credits, and the whole family is dancing down thier own soul train line...but as thier real actor selves. So, everyone does age appropriate moves, and the love of my life, Lauren London (the attainable crush) goes down the line and Chris Brown yells "PROJECT" as she does her liitle bott poppin dance. I was dying.
The Tele: I Love NY is really spicing up. After a slow start, they have def purged the normals, and left the drama. Last weeks emergence of Chance, this week's NY definitions of what good means to her (great, outstanding,owosome, dreamy), and next week's meet the parents...I am more than excited. Still buggin that they called Pretty, gay for about 3 episodes straight on national TV, before kicking him out. Yikes! Nip Tuck, is finally warming up. And the ridiculousness begins. Kudos to the Mandingo swingers club reference in the past issue...I am joining that when I turn 30 (shhh, secret). Kid Nation is a tease. Nothing ever really happens on that show. And I think I found trans-show relatives.
Taylor from Kid Nation and Chantel fro America's Next Top Model. I see you...sisters and all. ANTM (acronym alert)...only in America could we kick off the retarded model (hence killing all hopes foe every little girl who is just a little different) and get away with it. Bye bye Heather. Project Runway. They used guy models this week, for a suit for a Tiki barber outfit they had to make. And did u guys see me on it? Well, you would've, but when they called me last year...I was like, "I dont do commercial stuff like that" and then I told my agent she was an idiot.
Ok, I think that's it. Ew, ew, ew, excpet did you hear about the Hogan family divorce, which Hulk Hogan learned about via the press? So, here's an fyi.....for those famous couples...take a hint...Jessica and Nick, Nivaro and Carmen, Kathy Griffin and her husband, Travis and whats her name. Reality TVin your home, is kinda a set-up for a divorce. I mean...Ozzy is the only one who made it through one of these things. But he is baked out of his brain.

Now...that's it.


some deep sh*t.

Which one of these is more important in a relationship?

That you are involved with someone:

who respects the way you think, your beliefs and the way your mind works?
who cherishes your heart...loves you unconditionally, faults and all?

I pick the first one. There is no room for the second one, if the first one is not understood....in any relationship you have. What do you think kids?


nectur of the gods.

Baltimore Club Music changes lives.

In the south...these songs kill the club. Consider yourself educated. Now touch the ground and shake yo cheeks. Unless ofcourse you a guy (unless you role like that).lol.

On Holiday.

That's British you know?

There is only one thing better than scoring tickets to a Micheal Jackson concert, and that is Ma Dukes coming to Chicago for the first time ever; in and of itself a cause for me to create a list of visit highlights. Think freeze frame, highlight pen and a bunch of circles and arrows.

1. Ma Dukes cooks a massive turkey day dinner. 15 lb turkey, ham, mash potatoes, delectable string beans, greens, candy yams, stuffing and sweet potato pies for dessert. She also stocks up the fridge with the not so necessary necessities (all the things i really want at the grocery store but can't justify buying, ex. Pirouette Cookies)
Circles: Ham, string beans, Whiskey Egg Nog
Arrows: My stomach slow lose of sexy shape, going up a belt notch, the metal ticker that is steadily going right on the weight scale....for the past 6 days

2. Ma Dukes De Boes old man from our tour seats. As the firsts ones on the bus for this long ass tour (10-3pm) of Chicago, we get stellar seats up in the front on the bus. First stop; the plant zoo, and on my way back I catch a glance of an old man sitting in our seat. Quiet helpless and feeble looking. Ma Dukes seeing him a minute later mutters "Oh, hell no" and before I am up in the bus (about 5 seconds) the oldman is slow limping his way to the back of the bus.
Circles: Front row Seats, 4 hours too long bus tour
Arrows: The split second blitz the decrepit old man was forced to perform as to avoid the true wrath of Ms. Williams. Smart play on his part.

3. Mom plays Wii tennis. Think...the passion and intensity if Rocky as he runs up the stairs to theme music meets, skill level and hand eye coordination of a infant cyclops with 20/80 vision. Still...a good time had by all. I also beat her in thumb wrestling. (This is what 23 yr old do with their parents...no?)
Circles: Wii, quiet possibly the funnest...or most fun of all the systems I have ever played
Arrows: My mom calling me "a cheater and a con artist", to my face after the first game. And me saying, "You are going down woman!"

All in all...perfect weekend. All of my roomates were out of town. Got to walk around naked and mark my territory. And now, it is back to the daily monotony of this boring life. I believe that if I were to create a show about my life, it would be called Hell Wrapped in Bubblewrap. And it would run for 2 seasons before being canceled. And it would be after Dancing with the Stars, but on TBS.

Quote of the Weekend:
"If one more person walks infront of me, I am going to trip them."- Mom...lol


commemorate that.

If you could commemorate one thing...what would it be?

Like, something so pure and unbridled, it changed your life by simply being.
Inspirational. A building block to who you are right now.

And you want to etch that sh*t in stone for the rest of the following generations.

I choose, the movie Mary Poppins.


Jimi. Is.


I really like these.

This campaign.

I really tried not to write another ad blog today. But I refuse to let my emotions not be heard. I think its the art direction that sold it to me. The TV spot is "eh, ok."

always remember....

I am the lead singer. Not you.
(featuring the roomates and that other kid...based on a real story)

the headlines read. i think.

Invest. In the search of the newest and most ridiculous invention from the country that has the time and energy to think up the silliest and most obscurest of things...some say we have hit our peak. The toaster over...because lord forbid we eat our toast fresh. "I must have it slightly toasted, the roof of my mouth is delicate." This quotation, is me btw. Sugar cubes...because the grains where way too much to handle (I think this is the Brits fault). Remotes, because....wait, remotes are genius. But anyway, check out the Cell Zone. When it is too noisy out and you can't hear your best friend tell you they are in H&M on the 4th floor, duh...duh,duuuuhhhh. Now there is a booth...ergonomic, I guess, to step into and make really really important business calls. Good Bless America.

Want to become a robot? (my child hood dream). Well, according to this lovely article, all you have to do is join the army. And then...maybe, in 50 years or so. You get to fight in one. It;s basically like an exoskeleton, that you step into. It lifts 100's of pounds...o' so simply. It's got crazy hooks for hands. And it is slightly "agile". My fav part is when the guy says..."You can even dance in it," and then they cut to the soldier doin his thing which gave me a flash back to all the MTV springbreak dance programs I watched in 6th grade, but with an added sense of impeding galactic doom.
PS This is still not as cool as if we could freeze people and have them wake up in a century and fight crime with Saundra Bullock.

The problem with PSAs. I know, I know...how could there really be a problem with PSAs. It is probably the single most positive form of advertising out there, and all the rest of it....the devils playground of unessecary consumption and mind control. Underage drinking is bad. Mothers Against drunk Driving...is good. NRDC...good (though Greenpeace is annoying as hell). But things like this, make me ponder the relevance and logistic of some PSAs out there.Or maybe its the fact that I just do not get cyber bullying. I would suggest its another too-much Oprah watching, not so go fad that they are turning into a revolutionary problem. A downward societal inferno....if not addresses and advertised about.

For example...there is always a drug of the season. Last year it was weed. Watch out! You could hit a kid after you satisfy you munchies. Then it was oxy cotton. Now its meth...which will take your parents away from you. And while no one is disputing the horror that are these drugs and their effects...they are shallow as all hell, media inspired and worst of all...lack luster. They're not even to the quality level of The Brain On Drugs ads, and that was done in the 80s. And I guess what set me off to talk about this, is the new trend of focus on cyber bullying. I mean, did she say her breath smelt like hot trash? I mean...online bullying. How do they get your lunch money. Where are the physical threats? And I guess it's all in the logistics, but how is bullying truly bullying, if there is no physical threat. What ads like these are portraying...is gossip. And there is no real call to action. Except, "don't ignore" and "don't laugh at it." Stupid. Let's all jump on the don't really understand but make ads about it band wagon. There are better messages to be said, and quiet frankly...better ways to say them.
On a completely different note.....this is genius. Damn you Japanese toys. You are giving our children the clap.

Go America!

And I will end on this. Mr. T plays World of Warcrafts. And apparently, so does William Shatner. So....either you both are really hurting for a pay check or you BOTH are complete losers.



and then.

Elmo is killin it. And I hypothesized before seeing the actual end that Oscar was Caucasian and the Cookie Monster was hispanic. I swear.



I judge you. Because I can and because you are all over the tv showing all your goods. And my conclusion....the new Victoria Secret girl (Miranda Kerr) is NO Adrianna Lima. She is doing the same type of commercials that lima I guess was doing, a silly accent (and we all know how I feel about accents) just like Lima...so that when they talk you are not only just provoked by boobage to not listen to a damn thing they are saying, but forced just to allow some mercy upon your ears....but something is off about this new girl. I'm NOT saying she is a booga bear or anything (mom reference), she is pretty. But she is no Adrianna Lima.

Judge for yourself.


This is clearly, a pivotal and life changing debate. Take it seriously. I am thinking about writing Victoria...or Victor. I think they should put the new girl back in storage and bring back the classic.

I will leave you with this final thought or artistic piece, just to help you nail it down. Hiedi Klum has finally hit her breaking point.

Quick question. Do you have to have ginormous breast to be a victoria secret model?


Luv the Asians.


indian day.

As I sat round yesterday, snapping the ends off of string beans and judging Chicago's turkey day parade in comparison with New York's Macy's day parade (Chicago lost).....I thought to myself..."this is nice."

It's nice that we take time out of our daily schedule to be thankful. You know...thankful that we are Americans. Thankful the we commit turkey genocide every Thanksgiving in the name of tradition. Thankful that we stole this land from its original indigenous people and then managed not only to create a staggering cultural divide, but but also reinforce it on a daily basis.

The thing that I am most thankful for however, is that we celebrate this day with gigantic Scooby Doo's.

Oh Yeah, and I am thankful for friends and family.

Merry Turkey Day...to you, my reader.


What What, In the Butt.

Check those fly dance moves......lol



PS Momma Williams is IN the house. Literally. BAM!

Quote of the Week (amongst other memorable quotations):

"The only thing worse than a hobo, is a hobo underground."



It's kind of a problem now. This hair situation. It just does whatever it feels like. It is just long enough to try and rebel, yet...it isn't long enough, for any real ratical movment.

I mean, for example, yesterday it slapped my boss's newborn baby in the face (pretty gangster). And the little red thing, did kinda ask for it. Last night my mom called me, while I was taking a nap. Regular protocol calls for an ignored/missed call until I am truly awake to deal with the "antics." But no... my hair answeres the phone for me and shoves it in my face. Just this morning, I was on a packed train receiving uncomfortable glances from the local regulars...as they have come to accept me upon their daily commuted, but when my hair started throwing bo's and listening to his headphones too loud....they plain and simply, could not handle. It's pure inconsideration at the very least. Who let all that ethnicity on the train anyway?
Yet, there are times that make it all seem worth it. When a long lost friend muffles her mouth only to scream "You are growing your hair out...crazy"...and then adds without even a beckoning, "I like it." And my heart breathes a sigh of relief.

Whatever would I do if you did not?

damn the simplicity of it all.

VW makes the road your gift.


Makes you forget.

so simple.......

ps R.I.P. Mr Whipple. How will I ever read "Hey Whipple Speeze This "again? Read about the passing of a brand legend here.

Alicia Keys. Wreckless Love.

ridiculously good.


inspiration mondays.

on this monday.....

my stomach shrieks for food. And in the midst of my giving up on being anorexic, I succum. I eat. And eat. And eat. And now I feel as if I may puke. Holy steak burrito...how deliciously and awesomely filling you are. But I am juxtaposed. I think I would rather not have that tingly sensation in my left arm. Or maybe its the right one. Damn, I am a fatty.

i realize the only thing worse than scouring the city, looking for a new cd, is...well, nothing. At 11am I was made aware that the only Virgin Mega store in the Chicago Loop has closed. And when I tried to rectify the situation with my sheer brilliance to "go to a book store" for music (the world is indeed as doomed as Al Gore said). Was it there? Nope. So I book it uptown...cause you know, now that it's in my head it is merely steps away from being. But the steps, were in all actuality 1000. And the purchase was less than extraordinary. And those combinations...is why people down load illegally. Not that I do...but in the mere 4 hours that I had to deal with getting this cd...suddenly, waiting for my Limewire crew to get thier sh*t together seemed to be a logical state of affairs. And now I am $15 poorer, and it is not yet on my ipod. Damn you Alicia Keys. Damn you.

i regret the open bar I went to Sat. Apparently I was a hot mess. Head down on the table. No tabs on how I got home or when. I woke up with just my jeans on in my bed. My keys and phone where in my bath tub and my belt was in the living room. I mean...this in not a good look. There was a time, back in my hay day where I could drink whatever I wanted...and not almost die in a cab. I only had 6 beers. 4 rum and cokes. And 2 shots of Jameson. Tequila wasn't even involved. "Everyone who needs to get their lives together, raise there hands!" [Shaun raises his, as one single tear rolls down his face]. Lets just hope that I didn't do anything...I would, let's say....regret. And on another note...if someone...say dressed as a fox, was following me around spiking my drink, I will kindly ask you to stop. I have learned my lesson.

i've confirmed that the only thing that gets me through a regular work day --are peppermint candies. Who is the genius that created these wonderful balls of loveliness? Kudos to you good man. Diabetes never tasted so good.

That's all my little white persian monkies. There are movies to review. Parents to come to town. And naps to take.


PS Check the Anti George Bush song from PInk. Does this mean Pink is part of the new Dixie Chicks paradigme?

I Need You- Alicia Keys

Funny Bunny.

Anyone catch these wierd MTV, Alicia Keys commercials? There's another spot where the bunny eats Alicia Key's left-overs and debos her.
But this one is the funniest.....creepy ass rabbit thing.



if there is one thing the entices me about the new movie Beowolf....it is that fact that Angelina in full frontal nakey...well, almost nakey. Fine...computer nakey. Luckily for you, and her I must add, I'm into cyber nudity.



And here is another one. Cause everyone knows...the more pics you have of a cyber image, the more real it is. That's something my kindergarten teacher told me. She almost has a cyber nip slip here. And THAT is funny...or is it sexy?


I couldn't make this up, if I tried.

x-mas cronicals....part 1.

Rajah Justice-Benjamin
London Howard
Zion Wilson
Danishamona Boyd
Lyric Robinson
Sunshay Bradely
Ada Williams
Tyray Vance
Cyrus Edmund
Rain Robinson
Neoko Higgins
Destiny Benton
Damerjian Baldwin
Jarzell Davis
Damarion Foster
Ada Williams

Names. This in not a list for the up coming cast of Lion King 4, nor is it the baby name list for some celebrity with a skewed sense of reality, let's say...oh,
Christina Aguilera (lol, that's not what she really looks like, but it would be awesome IF she did). Nor is it the screen names for the 90's classics "Boys In the Hood" and or "Belly". Nor the long lost episode of Rainbow Bright.

These are just a few of the multiple ghetto-tastic names of some kids on the South side of Chicago who need some Santa's Helpers- help. Why would I know this? Well, as my official title as office b*tch, I am organizing this thing, so that the rich traders at my firm can spread the wealth of Spiderman and Bratz love. While one kid asks " How you [Santa] and Ms Clause are doing?" (clearly a sign of a recently broken home), another requests a roca wear outfit, which everyone knows IS Santa's specialty.

Just another day in my fantastic life. Good luck to you and your future, Rajah Justice-Benjamin. Keep it real hood.


That Shuffle Love.

Today, I caught Theo giving some unrequited glances at a stranger this morning. And I am not hating. I am also not judging. It was the morning and I have indeed experienced a fair amount of "train glaring." Getting caught in the act. And receiving it. From my point of view, it is non-denominational....girls and guys alike, I sometimes admire a neatly pressed button down or a pair of slacks and thier fit. Sometimes its a girl frantically putting on make-up on a packed train. And then, as if a universal truth has been realized, in a glance...a simple shift of the eyes, you are drawn back into your own shyness...as if you had just stolen cookies from the cookie jar. Or, as you feel the empty weight of an ominous stare, an invisible hand guides you to its source just in time for them to look away...as if they weren't caught.

And so today, I caught Theo dead in the act. Cheating on me with his nano eyes. Sure...he is sleek and attractive. New to town and bold, and it is only natural for him to come out of his shell (figuratively). And I was ok with it. Until I saw the object of his affection...a high gig holding monstrosity circa late 90's. It was covered in an atrocious pink leather jacket...more obscene than attractive. Hideous even. So then I had to yoke him up. Reminded him that this is America and not a Chinese commonwealth of the feudal ages. There are standards of attraction...and the first one is...stay in your range.

Kids these days.

Sleeve Ach.

"Some people wear their heart on their sleeves. Me, I always have it strapped to my left ankle under my pant leg...so no one knows it is there."

How do you get like this? So detached. So tainted. When you meet someone, your eyes boil over from the mere potential. When they call...your mind turns on for the first time that day. Here are my interests on a platter. What's your mom's middle name again? When goodbyes are a mere timeout until the next rendezvous.

And then, in a simple conversation, its over. Before it even really began. Before you could use that special word reserved for family or give a truly meaningful embrace. And you will never really talk to them again, they didn't even begin to understand were your heart was located.

And life goes one...cause your heart is so cleverly hidden. Well done.



I dont know if it's because of my love for tennis or the fact that I have never seen a more effective yet simple tennis equipment ad before. But I really like this.

Agency: The Furnace
Sidney, Australia.


I think this is cool.

Hey check this. What do you do when you have spent all your money from the hit movie Home Alone and its sequel? You do commercials like this one. Oh, if only Party Monster was more of a success.

News: That damn bridge never falls down. Was anyone else this week hoping that the smoke thing in England was more that just a simple fire? Say a ninja attack or alien "first move". Ehhh, maybe next time. African American Pessimism. It is on the rise here in america. And though it is not surprising, the following quote should tell you, the reader something about the current state of society..."...just one in five blacks, or 20 percent, said things were better off for blacks compared with five years ago; that is the smallest percentage since 1983, when 20 percent also made that claim. In-between, the percentage of blacks who said things had gotten better had grown, only to drop back to 20 percent. "I will resist getting all black panther on yall, cause it's early, but here...read it yourself. http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/21775438/But I will share this nice litte statistic from the article.Roughly eight in 10 whites, or 82 percent, say they have a favorable impression of blacks. "A similar percentage of blacks, or 80 percent, hold positive views of whites; this is virtually unchanged from nearly two decades ago." And...if there really did live in a land of fairies and gumdrops were there were no problems...this quote wouldn't even exist...would it? RIP. I feel really bad for Kanye West. Plastic surgery complications are never discussed on Nip/Tuck. I wonder why? Aparently they are fatal. PS...stay away from those sketchy (DR, south amercan, Yes Men etc) plastic surgeons mang.

F*ck a kite. Let's play a game...and by game I mean, the most accurate online description I have ever gotten about myself.
Brought to you by a third source....What does your last name say about you?
A : You like to drink.B : You like people.C : You are really silly.D: You are great in bed E: Awesome in bed F : You are dead sexy.G : You never let people tell you what to do. H : You have a very good personality and good looks I : You are great in bed .J : People adore you K : You're wild and crazy. .M : Best kisser ever.N : You like to drink. O: Awesome kisser. P : You are popular with all types of people. Q : You are a hypocrite.R : Easy to fall in love with. S : Fuckin crazy.T : You're loyal to those you love.U : You really like to chill. V : You are not judgemental.W : You are very broad minded.X : You never let people tell you what to do.Y : Best bf/gf anyone could ask for. Z.: Always remembered

W : You are very broad minded.

I : You are great in bed.

L: You are great in bed.

L: You are great in bed.

I : You are great in bed.

A : You like to drink.

M : Best kisser ever.

S : Fuckin crazy.

This is so wrong....it is right. Try your hand, though I know there is no way your last name could compare.

Ew, ew, ew, ew. Here is a little something for you copywriters out there. A website for some of the greatest SLOGANS out there. And a related article that examines them. Copy, copy, copy. Kelly and Matt, this one is for you.
And for the rest of you Advert kids......check the Boards.

Rules of the Office. Please click here to learn some office etiquette you banshees. It is especially important that we note #7.

I think that is it. Except..........PROJECT RUNWAY PREMIERS TONIGHT! Who is bringing the cocain (joke).


Lonely World- Robin Thicke

dont ask why I am up right now....

Being Average.

"My genius, if I can call it that, is to combine a whole lot of averageness into a compact frame. I'd say there were a million like me, but there aren't really; lots of blokes have impeccable music taste but don't read, lots of folks read but are really fat, lots of folks are sympathetic to feminism but have stupid beards, lots of blokes have a Woody Allen Sense of humor but look like Woody Allen. Lots of blokes drink too much, lots of blokes behave stupidly when they drive cars, lots of blokes get into fights, or show off about money, or take drugs. I don't do any of these things, really; if I do OK with women, it's not because of the virtues I have, but because of the shadows I don't have."

High Fidelity- Nick Hornby


weekend bueno con amigos.

I had a really good and chill weekend. I would say the first weekend in a long time that I was completely okay with everything that occurred and ALL activities that took place. So good, in fact that I will share.

In summation. Got off of work on Friday and bought a Burrito for home (this is exciting because it is only the second time I have ever had a burrito in my life....lost my virginity like a month ago). At home, I literally laid down on the couch, ate my burrito Delicious bite after bite completely undisturbed. I then watched Remember the Titans and a little bit of the Wizard of Oz (trippy, cant believe my roommate is from there)before I was knocked out, surely drooling all over myself. Woke up nice and early on Sat, to go food shopping and get my fix of Dunkins. Watched my Saturday morning installment of Legion of Super Heros, The Batman and The Avatar (also uninterrupted) and then caught up on Nip/Tuck. A nap then ensued and I woke up to a college football game/the Bulls loosing horribly. Went to the bars for a few hours...nothing ridiculous, met some new people and came home quiet sober. Sunday, I played some 2 on 2 b-ball. And that was real fun out of the ordinary. Think Ewing mixed with the autism and sloppiness of Ming when he first came to the states. Truth be told, one of the best weekend I have had in this city. And yes...I am sore AGAIN, but not as bad as after tennis. Also, I think I might loose a toenail...emmmm, sexy.

With that said let me get something off my chest before I go on....

I don't know how they do it in the Chi, but friendship back on the east coast (aka friendship with me) is a give and take thing. Sometimes you give, without receiving and sometimes, you take without giving. Here are 3 simple rules, Friendship 201 (cause you should already know that fighting and spitting are a no no while sharing and caring are a yes please)
*none of these rules are mandatory ofcourse, it's just that-if not followed, you will remain a simple associate in my eyes...aka see ya when i see ya)

1. Friends do not share their personal opinions about each other with one another. If you have a not- so-nice opinion (actually any opinion at all) about me, keep it to yourself or don't be my friend if it is an inconvenience. Cause I have opinions as well. And mine are never nice.

2. Let me be really clear about this one...Sometimes, you do things with your friends (if you indeed consider them that) that are not of personal interest. Believe it or not, you can hang with them knowing that there is no real gain. It's called friendship. You value their presence and being as a person. And truly, getting to know someone doesn't happen while you are taking shots at the bar...believe it or not. This is one thing that I am missing here in this city. It's like having friends without benefits. Whap, whap...feel bad for shaun.

3. Be at least a little interesting. All I really need in any friendship is humor and compliance to the first 2 rules. But don't be a f*cking bore. If I have to work more than 50% in any conversation...I loose all interest. I mean...I am willing to go 55%, but that is all...you hear me, devil boy! That's it.

I don't know if it's the city....but these half assed friendship have to go!

And last but not least....face book travesties.....

Every once in awhile, I run into photos on the face book that should be kept under wraps. They are usually visually disturbing, being as how facebook is more "liberal" than other social networks. And I am not talking about an incriminating sort of thing...like boozers and animal porno. But, more subtle incongruousness, like the one to the left. A former highschool associate of mine has this outfit on in his main profile pic. Shell neckless + dicso inferno candy cane neon pastel shirt = Dante's Inferno on meth walking the streets slapping babies. I don't even know if these are shorts (and lets hope they are), but the khaki material suggests the seriousness of the outfit. It's his profile pic...so you know he thinks it looks fly. I mean, it is not Halloween anymore and it is not the second coming of Jesus Christ...so I have no idea what is going on here. For all I know he could have matching crocs and 10 killer Livestrong bracelets on his left ankle. This is like an autistic child being allowed to dress himself for a black tie event. It just doesn't make any sense.

I've got some more for yah......at a later date perhaps.



How not to make a commercial.

not even the best boobs out there. Whap whap.


I got 48 hours to live.

Thicker than water. Insert chuckle here. So Dog the Bounty Hunter, got caught, and by caught I mean told on for using the N-Word to describe a black woman. The catch is, he was descibing a young black woman his son was dating, and it was in fact, his son who leaked it to the press. Yikes! Effects, Dog's show has been canceled. This was his response on Larry King:
"I thought that I was cool enough in the black world to be able to use that word as a brother to a brother," he said. "I'm not. I didn't know really know until three or four days ago what that meant to black people."

So...you have to ask what type of dad you are to be completely ousted by your own son. I mean...it is no surprise that the N-word is still regularly and intentionally used with just as much angst and harm s as it was 5 decades ago...but damn homey, to have your son be the cause of you losing your job and your credibility as a human being (not that he had much to begin with), I'm sure it will never be the same at thanksgiving again.
Dog's Son: "Pass the white trash mash potatoes"
Dog: "Go fuck yourself snitch"
Also, I am seeing a trend here in Hollywood. Unlike before....it seems that if you use a slur, but then apologize on national tv, you clear yourself. Just so the world knows, this is not really the case. If you use racial slurs on people...you are racist. And if you report your own father your the Snitch of a racist Father. FACT.

Mandy Moore gets cute. And by cute I mean she grew boobs. I dont know if you guys recall "Missing You Like Candy" but boobage wasn't really her strong suite. And in the movie when she was playing a dieing girl, she looked just like that, a dieing girl. And on Entourage, as Chase's crush...she simply wasn't cute. So, I gave up hope. That is....until now.

Great googly moogly. Still not List Material though.

Snap into a Slim Jim. Wait, wrong wrestler...I was thinking Randy Savage, this is about Hulk Hogan, well his son anyway. Nick. Who got in a car accident and left some kid in a comma. Turns out Nick blew a .02 on the Breathalyzer....busted. The Hogan Family released this as part of a longer statement:

"The tragedy to both families is compounded by the fact that unfortunately John {kid in the comma} was not wearing his seatbelt. Thankfully, Nick was wearing his."

Niiiiiiiiiiiiiccccccce, blame the kid in the Coma with no blood alcohol level for not wearing a seat belt. Yeah, classy Hogan Family. Classy. The PR spin always works for drinking and driving, brotha. Especially when the victim is knocked unconscious in the hospital. Next time blame the kid for driving in the first place. It is a tragedy, compounded by the fact that John was actually driving on the same road as Nick. What was he thinking. And.... check that nice little stab at coma boy at the end of the statement, you shoulda buckled up...and maybe drank b4 hand and you'd be ok.

Green Zone. So, the NFL went green on Sunday. And by "went green" I mean...for the night, they turned of all the lights in their studio claiming that they could power a medium sized home for a month with the energy they saved.
Matt Lauder was in antartica in an igloo for some reason. But I digress. Because, whilst they reported by candle light, we were looking at Lauder on the giant plasma which was probably sucking the energy right back out of that little house they were saving. But they did make a valiant effort {as captain planet and the planeters roll thier eyes simultaneusoly}. What's that I smell....oh, it just bullsh*t.

I would pay to see the geniuses that thought this up. "I know, I know....lets kick off this whole saving the world thing with a football game," And everyone highfives shouting thing like "Killer Idea" and "freakin Awesome" and someone cranks up "Sweet Caroline" and they all rock out.

I mean common lets think....the cameras, the sound system, the control room, and all other technical aspects are ON. And all you can do is fuel a medium size house for a month? What about telling all the NFL watchers in america to turn off thier tv's and listen to the game over the radio. Whap Whap.

And Finally, Ludacris makes a fool of himself in the new Christmas movie Fred Clause. I guess a paycheck is a pay check right.


In Review

Moving Pictures: The new Batman movie with Heath Ledger as the joker has the potential to be bad ass. Check the Joker's make-up, Simply put, it's scary. If I didn't have nightmares about Bale's creepy child molester voice already, looking at this lovely images for 2 hours should insure the my children are sociopaths. BTW, I want cat woman to come back...that was a good one. American Gangster. Ok, so there were good parts of the movie. There was good music to really get you into the movie. But as star studded and as good as acting as there was, the movie was lacking "umph." Granted it is a told story that everyone knows, but the writers coulda conjured up a little more drama. The only thing I remember from the movie is the Ms Puerto Rico (hello to my highschool Bronx days) and the naked ladies who cut the coke and the fact that it was long as hell. Oh and there some mean afros. Main take away point...be glad you didn't live in Harlem 3 decades ago. Between the local jargon and the projects...I woulda done coke too. Alot of Coke. 30 Days of Night. Now you know I appreciate a good vampire movie's on any given night, but this one was really good. I definetly jumped, more due to the loudness than anything. My question is, why would you live anywhere that got dark for an entire month? You are just asking for some crazy stuff to happen to you. And you are giving it thirty days to occur. And it was cold as hell there. Hartnett, plays a somewhat believable cop....usually a role held by Mr Denezel Washington...troubled, divorced and in anguish.That is, until he and his ex wife have to battle a nomadic vampire cult that is a little rough around the edges. Through the movie there are lost limbs, crazy vampire children and multiple points that you just feel bad for the people in the situation. Overall lesson...if you cant beat them join them. And then put your hand through thier skull. You win.
The Tube: Did anyone see the preview to the next episodes of Real World this past Wednesday? It was that semi cool guy, not Cuhutta (who I am glad they cut his camera time, cause his voice drives me mad) sitting in a chair and he says, "Sometimes I see birds...and when I see black birds, that means someone has died." And then there is s special effect of a bird flying through the screen, they flash all the roomates individually and then cut to a shot of multiple black birds flying across the sky. I mean...what..huh...,LOST? Huh. I could not wrap my mind around what that preview could actually mean. Can't wait for the next Challenge. Lets go MTV. America's Smartest Model. Genius. I Love NY. Tailor Made was real shook when that big black guy was in his face. My man was shaking....and rightfully so. They called a guy Gay on national TV. Not cool. And why hasn't she brought Chance back yet? On another note, lets all do a little dance for the return of Project Runway. Hours of endless re watchable entertainment. Hours. Kid Nation...I'm starting to think that you are completely scripted, some of the vocab some of these kids use at 8 years old, I learned after college. That little Boston girl can sing though . "You betta Sang" [snap fingers in the air and do S roll with neck]. Ummmmm. House. I am going to need to you nail down your base cast. I mean, I AM all about picking up a hot girl here and there, but you are like halfway through your season and there are 55 different characters with 58 different story lines. Heros...eh, its alright. AND I am still trying to catch Nip Tuck.
I think that is it. For now...muahahahahaha.


Pork Fried Ghost.

Hahahahah, that is a funny ass title. I am funny. Anyway, this ad from Thailand.

So, you need lights, cause there are crazy ass ghosts in Thailand. There is something there. Especially if you can ignore the clear cultural divide and horrible graphic.


BTW. Check out Guinness's new Expensive Ass Ad from BBDO subsidiaries- as i like to call them. Same director as the man who made the Bravia Ball Commercial. Always liked that commercial.


Beep me 911.

Just continuing the self incriminating posts that convey how absolutely absurd I and my daily life are. No worries...read on, don't be scared.

Setting Goals. "Do you ever wonder why fetuses (feti?) don't do well with stairs? It's like their kryptonite. " This is what I asked someone today after seeing a picture of an 8 limbed child on msn news. Yesterday, someone asked me why I didn't like brown cloths and my response, without hesistation, was "Cause it's too close to the color of poop." An hour ago, upon discussing an Arab Jewish trader in my office and feeling sorry for the lack of x-mas in his life, I came up with a new color for crayola called...."Jew Blue."

I feel like these are the quotes that accurately describe the processes that go through my mind. This is how my brain works. Is this good or bad? I was discussing marriage with my parental unit...it was a deep convo, I guess, inwhich I was asked to estimate the age I would get married. When I replied with a "Probably Never" she was shocked and appalled. But I look at it this way..... if the concepts and doings mentioned in the first paragraph are a daily occurrence, what are the odds that I will find someone who is as nutty as I am (and hot)? Probably close to nill, I'd say.

If I were a girl, which I am not...I wouldn't date me. I would hook-up with me...but not date. I'm insane....and a girl would have to be 20 times more crazy to want to spend her life with me. Besides, we all know I get bored real easily...so with that in mind here are my only goals for the future. A Career which allows me to use the term "Jew Blue" at will and without judgement. A child...with 4 limbs (knock on wood) and an extensive wardrobe of none poop brown. In between those life goals, there will be a lot of tequila and rum shots and even more jack and cokes. That's all I can promise you right now mum(that's British for Mom, ya know). So I told her that, and she called me an idiot. FYI-She is coming to Chi-town in a week and a half. I hope this place is ready to be shook to the ground.

Achilles Heel. My roommate, Kellen tore his ACL and now has to go in for surgery. I would like to tell you that he is a substitute training facilitator for a professional sports team, and while he was running drills with the big dogs, taking hits like a champ and scoring on some of the highest paid and regarded professional athletes...in the world when he tore his ACL. Or maybe that he was cage fighting in Brazil, sparring with John Claude Vandam (sp?)-the one from the late 80s-and he took a brutal beating from a large Asian man with a head band. But alas, that would be a bit of a stretch, he actually landed on his knee wrong after a sloppy Fred Flinstone Heel Click.

Yeah, I know...not the best way to go. It's like a trained ninja getting a leg cramp. Sad. And a little pathetic. He has requested a new ACL from a black man...which should have 2 effects; 1- We will be awesome at Basketball / less good at Ice Hockey. 2- He will have to come down to the south side with me when I get my hair cut next time. But on the real, you guys should keep him in your prayers, or spiritual sessions or after hours...wherever you do your inward reflection.

*Note*Me and my roomate-Kelly- are already planning a cruches obstacle coarse which we will set up in the living room. It will be called "Disabled Gladiators 2007", tights and all. To sign up contact me. If you don't have my contact...you probably do not know me well enough, and its better that way.

What am I? I got called a hipster last night.
The definition of a hipster is....a person in their teens to 20s who generally listen to indie rock, hang out in coffee shops, shop at the thrift store and talk about things like books, music, films and art. So, I began thinking about my everyday life. I was at a live music rock bar on a Wednesday night-hanging out. And I did see American Gangster (which we will discuss at a later date) on opening weekend. I read. Like art to an extent. But on the other hand, I shop at the Gap (never a thrift store, unless it is halloween), I drink Dunkin Donuts...which is basically a drive though-or should I say walk through. I like the song Indie Rock and Roll by the Killers, but I can only assume that they are an indie rock band, b/c they have a song by that name. Here is another definition of hipster;

.......in present day slang has developed distinct negative connotations, including: identifying that a person may be superficially following recently mass produced, homogeneous, urban fashion trends, overly concerned with their image and the contradictions of their identity, potentially anorexic, disingenuously appropriating a pseudo-artistic image or "a collage of other urban identities" from the past, or simply an elitist. Similar to other social groups, hipsters have been accused of exercising peer pressure to persuade other members of the group to adopt certain attitudes and ideas (e.g., that the music of Steely Dan lacks soul). Though many hipsters are seen to identify strongly with the perceived rarity and exoticness of their particular fashion and tastes, the phenomenon of moving into city centers and adopting "new" urban attitudes toward fashion, design, and culture is currently a major social trend and is the subject of numerous reality and home improvement television shows. Often in its negative connotation, 'hipsters' are considered apathetic, apolitical, and self-entitled by other, often marginalized sectors of society they live amongst, including previous generations of bohemian and/or "counter-culture" artists and thinkers.- Wikipedia

Like a few months ago I was called a Yuppie (Young Urban Professional). I considered myself somewhat preppy back in the day. I do employ a considerate amount of peer pressure, but who doesn't. I am definitely not part of any counterculture. And is there really anyway to live in America today with out being a representation of a collage of past styles, trends and identities. This isn't Norway. Frankly...I am confused. Like every other American, I would like fit neatly into a class system or social construct, and there are so many things being thrown out and about, how is a young black man suppose to know who he is? Do you know ahat you qualify as?

So I have decided to make my own Social Construct Labeling System. It will be in a later blog, because I need time to consider accuracy instead of the usual discrimination and hate propaganda that I enforce so willingly . Or at most.....I need time come up with cool names for each social class. And please...no comments about individualism and crap like that. This is America...if you are a true orginal with no group...you are probably considering pipe bombing your highschool.

Side Note: My roommates and I are starting a Band called "the bathtub incident" and our first single is "the drawbacks of button flies"

Me: Kazoo, recorder, back-up vocals

Kelly: Triangle, Dancing (Skanking) and screaming randomly

Kellen: Lead Singer

Matt: Drummer

on with your daily boring lives. This party is over.

Quote of the Week:

" [Marijuana] is not a drug. It's a leaf." - Arnold Schwarzenegger in GQ Magazine

of the biblical type.

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket

If there was more than one man named Jesus in the room, would I call them "Jesi"? Just wondering.......


Yo Gabba Gabba.

Found out about this new this new kids show on Nick. Point blank it's ridiculously scary, with about a teaspoon of trippy on the side. It (and it alone) will be the downfall of mankind. In my opinion.

It's called Yo Gabba Gabba. Don't ask me what the premise is.....Just watch and try to figure it out for your self.


Elijah Woods cameos.

Biz Co-Stars. He has a standing segment on the show inwhich he teaches a new beatbox beat a day.....[seriously]

This is kinda an extension of my earlier blog about the cartoons that made me the man I am today...or at least large boy. While I may have thought Ducks could indeed talk and there was an alternate dimension inwhich little Asian guys fought , as a child I never would have never succumb to such silly foolishness.....especially with that crazy looking host (i.e. Michael Jackson in the Wiz ,far left).

And while some may say it is cruel and heartless of me to slight the entertainment/muses of an entire upcoming generation, I say..... seriously, if Barney never had a chance in my eyes, this show is a complete joke. Someone give me $100,000, I can make a kids show too. And it won't involve the premeditated future inclination to purchase glow sticks and pop E at a rave. Promise!

This right here...is funny!