the dance of the video.

I know we already did the Friday funny. But I would truly feel like less of a person if I didn't share this with you. One must ask themselves...whose idea it was to make this occur. If anything, I should be getting paid to tell people what DOESN'T WORK on national television...or anywhere else. Example: Larry King being taight how to dance by Janet Jackson. Hit that link for amusement.

Janet teaching Larry how to Dance.

Perhaps you would rather the youtube version

Quotes:

"I dont know what I'm doing"

"Ok Janet, Show me a trick"

"Dance, Dance"

"Im a struggling Jew"

OK, now I am gone.

P.S. HAPPY LEAP YEAR DAY!!!!

to all you little kids in grown up bodies....

peliculas.

I learnt that in spanish class.And it is the only word I remember. And now that I think about it, im pretty sure it mean 'magazines'. But whatever, Im really good at art. Anyway...lets get to the movies portion of the program. So, with the highly rated Oscars just passed, I think I should share my opinions on There Will Be Blood. Remember the time when movies had plots? And if there was no plot, at least it was down right entertaining. This movie...had neither of those. Sure, it had a great actor (Daniel Day Lewis)...I will even give props for that...casting brilliance and a great line about milkshakes, but left me thinking...who cares. I was so slow. But at the same time, the music made me really anxious. I felt like I was being experimented on by aliens again (I mean for the firts time). BTW, the movie is about oil. Yep, exciting stuff. Eastern Promises. If you ever wondered what Viggo Mortenson (not the elf) looks like fighting 2 men in a bath house completely butt naked for 15 minutes (aka stabbing men in the neck while his stuff is flopping around), this movie will answer that question for you. It is a really good mob family crime flick, its just that one cannot help but to wonder...exactly how many takes it took (how many hours) and the amount of pure humility it takes for said male actor to get the naked 15 minute fight scene exactly right. I couldn't do it, Id be to busy giving the crew a scientific breakdown of male shrinkage and how "i get no complaints in the bedroom (wink)." I know I am always talking about Iron Man...but this new trailer is kickass. But I honestly do not know how one would not want to see such a kickass movie after such a kickass trailer? Unless of course...you are blind and did not actually "see" the trailer, or you would rather drop $12 on 10,000 BC a movie that apparently (after 6 months of promotion) doesnt have a plot. Its just a man with dreadlocks, a saber tooth tiger and the Egyptian culture tied together under the broad theme of epic cgi movie. If anyone can tell me what this movie is about, I will give you a quarter...a whole quarter from my pocket. On top of everything...Gwynth Paltro is in the Iron Man. Why? Perhaps she lost a bet, but she presence is sure to bring quality and substance to the movie. If not....the simple fact that shit blows up makes me want to see it. I also happened to catch Across the Universe (twice, both times without seeing the end), the renowned 2007 musical consisting of nothing but Beatles hits. And it was, well....very average. And if you know me, you also know my love for musical movies (Mary Poppins, Moulin Rouge etc "What is this etcetera?"-2 quarter for anyone who gets that reference) Dont get me wrong, there were really good parts and great song-cinematography effects, but most of it was either boring, trippy or boring. And at the end...I felt like had been force fed Beatles songs arranged to make a semi interesting period piece for approximately 133 minutes. And then I remembered that I was.

OK, akward abrupt end of blog here.

Byyyeeeeeeee.

green team.

Um, this is the funniest thing Will Ferril has ever done in his life.
"Shake and Bake."

black history. Master P & Son.

remember when I promised you "something more appropriate" to denote the celebration of black history month? It was right after I posted Michael Jackson's "Black or White" video. Well...here it is. Master P and Romeo (no longer lil, literally and figuratively)....ummmm, Black History.




I for one was enlightened. A history lesson from the man who recorded "Make You Say Uhhhh."

BTW Master P's real name is Percy Miller. Percy? Thats real hood.

moments of truth.

If you missed Mondays episode of fox's Moment of Truth- a show committed to seeing how far people will put their lives on the lines for cash- I have compiled a clip recall for you. It easily makes it in to my top 20 moments in TV history. Watch them all...chronologically. It's sad...but then again, not so sad. Kinda fitting actually.



let me rephrase the question.



For all the money in the world.

Whap whap! (BUZZER) The very definition of America.

i need a nap.

Ok...so here is the thing with scaring me sh*tless.... I dont like it in my adverts. Personally. I mean...the truth campaign, I get. Smoking kills. The tobacco industry does it on purpose...and they will do it again - kill, that is.

But at least I am in control of that. Being tired- I am always tired. So...are you telling me in these ever so insightful (terrifying) ads, that I should take an extra hour of sleep a night or die? Cause if so, I may need to talk to my boss.

Oh wait, I take public trans.

Damn.

See the other executions here and here.

Advertising Agency: Clemenger BBDO Wellington, New Zealand

...I wonder is there is a big falling asleep at the wheel problem in New Zealand?

New Tag "Beautiful New Zealand...so boring, you'll die at the wheel on your first drive through."

apparently.

According to msn.com, the following is a list of things a man should never do around a woman. Ahem....I am going to clarify a few things. And seeing as how this list seems as if it where written by a woman...please be ensured that mine...is from a man. Ding! One point for me.

NEVER

Reveal how much your car cost.

I mean, I dont own a car right now...but I would imagine that if i did have to pay to get you (girl) on a train, I have the right and will to drop the price ($2.00...$4 if I gotta pay for her to get home) at any given time. And I expect to be reinbursed sexually later in the night. $ wgole dollars worth of loving coming my way. Mmmmm, mmmmm.

Clean your gun.
My idea of the perfect first date. Really...all thats missing is a little Boston Market and the animated classic...lets say, Alladin.


Polish high school trophies (which you still have displayed).
And if they aren't displayed? Listen hun...the good days are few and far in between. A man is to his trophies as a woman is to her bra. Support is needed in this superficial world. Otherwise there are nip slips and unneeded droopiness. We may not be perky and supple like when we were teens...but we can pretend.


Refer to your mother as your best friend.
...Im pretty sure I came out of her womb. You did not. She can be whatever I want her to be...in my eyes. Mind you beeswax lady/

Rap.
I actually really agree with this one. Unless you are Jay Z or Justin Timberlake (yes, I just made them the same caliber), keep your rhyming words to yourself. In fact take that mantra and apply it to everyday life. Stop trying to sell me your silly cds on the street. Callin me "brotha" cause you think that will automatically build trust and respect (and gullibility-ness) and make me giv you $3 of my hard earned money.... whoa! I lost it there for a second. Sorry.

Check out our assistant/roommate/the baby-sitter.
If they are hot. They are hot. Perhaps you should try...out-hotting them.

Question our footwear.
Well, if you didnt look like the wicked witch of the west....we would have no questions

Blow-dry your hair.
So, we are just suppose to everywhere looking all wet hobo-esk. I mean...I personally do not have a problem with this rule...but if you are dating a man with longer hair than your own, that is completely your fault.

Tip less than 20 percent.
What if the service was crappy? Or what is it is 18% in the state you are in? Or what if you ar ein Europe?

Celebrity impressions.
Impressions are a fickle thing. I think that no one should do impressions, unless they are spot on. Sometimes I try to do a french accent and end up with a Chinese one. If you are good at celebrity impressions...you are probably a giant dork but hey, you gotta play up what you got. "Do Jet Li in Crouching Tiger of the Hidden Dragon...."

Impressions of us.
Ha ha...this is the one truly good thing about being in a relationship. There is always a reliable person around to make fun of. And it so happens, impressions of a girl (any girl really) is one of the easiest and most fun things to do in the world. Like breathing, but with way more satisfaction.

Forget to carry cash.
Would you rather a man with cash or credit? It IS 2008 and these new fangled things called banks give away these thin plastic card things...which act in the place of real cash. Same concept, I swear. And if the location doesn't accept card....we dont belong there.

Flip it, flop it, swing it around, tug on it, adjust it, scratch it, or do anything that will remind us that it's just a goofy appendage and not a mystical source of pleasure and satisfaction.
I am not going to lie...it took me awhile to figure out what was going on in this rule. I KNOW you are not trying to talk about the look of sexual organs. Lets not even go there lady.

Wii.
Wait, I am not allowed to play wii? That's just unamerican. If this is true...I think all woman should be confiscated, locked up and tortured for the whereabouts of Bin Laden. Fact.

Scream—at the dog, at the guy who just stole your parking spot, at Bill Belichick. Because, no matter how much Belichick deserves it (cheater!), when we hear you raise your voice, we have an idea of what we're in for.
Ummmm, I personally am not a screamer. But there cannot be a double standard here. Girls scream. That is in their nature. So...if you can do it to me. I should be able to do it to you. Technically speaking.


Talk about former exploits. Ever.
This is a trick see....(think about that is a old school mob voice). Cause dams are always trying to ask us about ours past. Yous are trickters see.

Use the words bitch, slut, tramp, or whore, unless referring to another man.
HA HA. Im sorry all I can do is laugh. Sooooooo....thats kinda a given. But what if we own a female dog?

Tell us you're going to kiss us. (Just get on with it!)
Ill do what ever I want to you bitch slut, tramp whore who is not a man. "Dueces"

-And Im out.

retro smile.

thanks to this lovely flickr user...I was able to relive a little bit of my cartoon past. This is old old school that brought a smile to my face. It should do the same for you. If not.....sorry about that.

btw....sim sim salabim, IS my new favorite saying.

sexy ads.

Well done. It so...topical...get it?

Agency: Jung von Matt/Alster, Hamburg, Germany

just a few (10) things.

Once again....bored at work. So I decided to do an instalment of "just a few things" which is like my faavvvvvvv.

1. Please take time out of your day to click on the Delicious jelly belly picture/mural made of George Clooney. Apparently it is on public display at the Lux Hotel somewhere in Cali (click it to make it bigger, no homo). Its ok, I mean he didnt even win an Oscar last night. When the do mine...I expect to made of milkduds and caramel....kinda like I am in real life.

2. Jimmy Kimmel makes a comeback to Sarah Silverman's "Im Fucking Matt Damon" video. And, well...he clearly has more star power than her. Please count the celebs (Brad Pitt included). I think it is weird that Jennifer Gardener let him do this...shouldnt he be trying to get a real job to support their family? but I do see the funny. And there is a gay premise...and lord knows America loves the Gays.

3. What exactly is it about Will Ferrel? Why is he allowed to do dozens of movies in a row, inwhich he plays the same role. Will as dentist. Will as archaeologist. Will as street cleaner. And not only does he get paid for it, but he gets perks such as this. I mean....I would willingly go to work everyday if i had benefits like that.

4. Proof that not all Innovation is great. Welcome the Numbrella. Now you can cover your head and shoulder completely in the rain. Cool right? Wrong. Some people dont want to look like dorks when they are moving in public. I AM one of them. Also welcome the Wooden Bike. Genius...so instead of someone stealing a wheel while its chained to a bike rack...they will just light that bitch on fire. Genius.


5. I'll tell you what I am not ok with.....I am not ok with this. And this. Who let these looney tunes out of the hospital for public consumption? Kirsten smoking a cig after some hardcore grocery shopping and Owen presenting awards at the Oscars. Im not really sure why these 2 strike a cord with me...maybe its the fact that Dunst had contact with Tom Cruise as a child hence sealing her fate as an future addict (you know, with scientology and all) or the fact that Owen still hasnt fixed his broken nose...probably the bone marrow finally getting to his brain and fucking up his mind- but these guys...I care about. Stay locked up until your treated, please. Im looking foward to Spiderman 4 and Night at a Museum 2. Really...I am. I luv you guys.

6. BTW, Kate Blanchet...is an awesome actress. Have you guys ever seen Notes on a Scandal? For a potentially extremely boring premise- she was really good. I mean, Judy Dench did play a very convincing crazy person (this is why you cant make friends with strangers)...but Kate had to kiss a 15 yr-old boy. Every young prep boys dream.....lol. Good Sunday watch.

7. Million Dollar Shoes. Ugh, Im disgusted. Even more so that the Juno writer didnt even know she was wearing them. How high brow do you have to be not to realized the proce of the cloths you are wearing? OK DIABLO........

8. Janet has a Sense of Humor?????



9. So according to Details magazine...the Jonas Brothers from.......uhhhhhhhh, I guess the Disney Channel, are vowing chastity until marriage. And while Thier celebredom is of no interest to me, I just want to be the first to call their bluff. Disney stars are not the ones known for keeping it in their pants. I mean...it is a super nobel cause, but lets be serious...even Mickey and Minnie got it on.

10. The most amazing News. According to sources, Chris Brown and Rihanna are dating. I wanted to come up with their celeb name....but I dont think that that is as interesting as discussing all the f*ckin that is going on behind closed doors there. Chris is a horny teen idol. And Rihanna is an island freak. There is gonna umbrellas and and kiss kissin all over the place (that was a much more clever of a line in my head...I promise.)

Oscars.

Who is glad that they watched the Oscars last night?

I know I am and I would like to officially thank the academy for a fun filled 6 hours of .....






No, but seriously...here are some memorable Oscar moments. I clearly don't remember them...there were heavy accents involved...and we all know I don't do those very well.

And here is a sweet comprehehsive list.

augmentation?

vs.

hmmmm, me thinks Megan had some work done. And I liked her more without the boobs. Weird? Anyway...she is still adorable. And by adorable I mean hot on on days, and cute on off days. My perfect girl. Megan Fox.

Blow that Muther F*cker up!

Ok, so I apologize for not staying on top of the news this week...but I figured it is better late than never right....

- Castro resigned from ummmm, dictatorship I guess, the other day. To whom you may ask? His brother. Which is not so much  a resignation as a "tag your it". But the Cuban Americans are happy, right? Which reminds me...how is it Ricky Ricardo got out of Cuba?

- Paula Abdul has a new single....Dance Like There is No Tomorrow . The only problem is, in the video...instead of dancing like there is no tomorrow, she is instead dancing like there was a yesterday. In fact...she is dancing, singing and producing a video as if it were 1983. And where was Simon?

- And perhaps the most interesting thing that happened this week, is the blowing up of the moon. Wait...there was just a full eclipse, but we did blow up a satellite. And the show Girlfriends was cancelled. But back to the satelitte....we blew it up because.....uh...is was threatening to the US, i mean the world, i dunno....we blew it the fuck up though. I think I should also mention, that the government that tape it was also the crew behind the genius of the Blair Witch Project. Suddenly, I am nauseous and bored at the same time.

That is all. You are dismissed, and I am going to bed, or back to bed. Here is a little something to help you sleep tonight.

"Come Out And Plaaaayyyaaayy."

tom, who?

This fine specimen of a man is the one and only Tom Brady back in 2000. I dont want to play him....but, if the NFL is looking for the next star quarter back....they may want to knock on my door.

My obvious qualifications:
1- I can stand in a marked off square on the floor...even on one leg if you dare me
2- I can look frumpy and awkward in droopy grandpa underwear too
3- I have an "in-e"...cause everyone know "outties" cant throw the pig skin for shi....


If this all works out in my favor...you all will have the good fortune of meeting my future wife _________ (insert model with silly accent here). And I will give you free tickets to all my games. And there will be cheesecake involved. I promise.

for you green freaks.

At first I saw this funny little video which made people (naked people) into Penguins to promote the decline of using artificial heat to warm yourself . You know...to save the environment and stuff. At the end it tells you to go to:

dothegreenthing.com....where they provide you with better solutions than I guess, turning on the heat when you are cold.

Solutions:

1- Drink some warm tea and cuddle.

or

2- Leave your office or home (w/ heat off) for a pre-planned group hug with complete strangers and then go back to ypur cold ass place.

So, when the gangrene sets in, these two solutions should be able to save your life. Good luck! (In the mean time I am going to go buy a new gas powered heater).

go green. and a little brown.

A Low Impact Woodland Home.

These five words should act as code for...you are about to buy a HOBBIT HOUSE. I just thought I would warn you...with property values being what they are these days, mistakes are deadly. But, if you are looking to build yourself a handy dandy hermit midget house, I found just the place for you.

Did I say midget...I meant house for upstanding normal people. Normal people who purposely want to live in the side of a hill. Like....trolls. And gnomes (named David). And people from those European countries.

Did I mention that the house is in...the ground.

shut-up.

"Where The Wild Things Are"...an acclaimed children's book from back in my day is apparently being made into a movie. "Shut-up!" Nope...I am as serious as an asteroid set for a dead on collision with Earth and the end result being your death. And you would be so lucky...as to die...instead of being forced to be alive for the making of this movie. Don't we all recall when that book was always the only one left on the shelf at the book sales in grade school? I do. I think they should consider making Animorphs instead. Who can I talk to about this? Jesus perhaps?

Universal Pictures and Hasbro have announced a six-year partnership that will produce at least four films based on the following games: Monopoly, Candy Land, Ouija, Battleship, Magic: The Gathering, and Stretch Armstrong. "SHut-up!" I will not. I mean...I think they should go one step forward (I'm thinking about the future of American entertainment here) and purchased the rights to the following games as well.: Jenga. Uno. Tag. and Peek-a-boo. All thrilling plots with a great twist at the end. Whap Whap!

What do Ryan Reynolds, Taylor Kitsch, will.i.am, Lieve Schreiber, Danny Houston and Lynn Collins have in common? Well, they are all coming to your house for pictionary and wine party. After they all swap spit in the new Wolverine Movie (X-Men Origins: Wolverine)...insert cool guitar rift here. "SHUT-UP!"...ok, maybe they don't all swap spit. But they are all in the movie as follows...
Ryan Reynolds- Deadpool
Taylor Kitsch (who?)- Ganbit
will.i.am- John Wraith (who?)
Liev Schreiber- Victor Creed (Sabertooth..I think
Danny Houston- Col. William Stryker
Lynn Collins- Kayla Silver Fox
I just realized that I am more of an X Mean as a whole fan than individuals.....I hope this isnt the beginning of a X-Men Origins: _______ series. Like Storm is next...then Iceman.... Though I am excited to see Gambit in live Action who the f*ck is playing him. Wait...who the f*ck is playing everyone else too? And is will.i.am bringing Fergie with him....she can be an Alien extra. It's all right here kids.

BTW......it isn't to late to jump on the Iron Man movie band wagon. We are always accepting new guys. There are a few brief standardized tests, and some (just a lil) hazing....but once you are  in, it's real fun. I promise. Uh huh, ok, wassup SHUT UP!

wed-celeb-day.

A little celeb news on a Wednesday never hurt nobody. Billy Bob (and I've been assured by my roommates that people indeed are named like this in real life) from Varsity Blues is no longer that fat lovable guy that follows around the cool kids. From the looks of it, he doesn't seem to be the cool kid either. I'd say....theater weirdo perhaps. Steve Irwins' kid gets bit by a venemous snake and dies. Karma is a b*tch. Kidding. The kid didnt die....infact, he extracted the snake from his arm and delivered its babies. Impressive for a 4-year old.

Sex, sex, sex. Between the Big Brother scandal and the supposed Gene Simmons sex tape, I dunno whether to type about it or hop on the band wagon and buy a video camera. But, allegedly, Gene Simmons was caught having sex with someone besides his baby momma. Even if its not true, the picture to the right is disturbing enough to know that you must proceed with caution. On big brother 9 (which i just got addicted to thanks to my roommate Kellen), some girl was taped giving head to this guy...in the house. Click here to get to the age confirmation (I have to make sure you are all of age). I mean, it's like completely "college head" (a bobbing sheet on top of a reclined male who is only semi loving it), but the overall idea that one would forget they were being tapped 24 hours by a show called "Big Brother"......kinda makes my head explode. Check out all the big brother sexcapades here. It's alot of information so put on your reading glasses.

Damn, Cassie is lookin real good right here (to the left). L-L-L-Leather, me likey. In contrast Eva Pigford left the house looking like a mixture of african refugee meets dream girls, which is a look only blind people could like and ...my future wifey JLo is also not looking too good at all. I mean, she looks okay for having to bear an alien child in he womb, but unfortunatly 'Almost Doesnt Count'.

Geri Halliwell (Ginger Spice)was recently quoted as saying, “It probably won’t happen ever again. I’m still absolutely blown away that we did more than one show. So right now I’m thinking this is it. This is the last time you will ever get to see this Girl Power, the five Spices on stage as one.” And then my heart sank deep, deep, deep into my chest. Possibly the best part of the Victoria Secret show (next to Hiedi and Seal's breath taking performance [BUZZER]), was them...GIRL POWER? I mean...what was the point? To just toy with my heart. And this is why I cant trust the Brits.

Ewwwwww, did yall hear about how Deelishish got played by Flava Flav (neck roll)? Well, I heard...he just wanted another season on VH1...lookin for money ish...he dont care about no love. Riiighhhhht. That's a big surprise Deelishish. You look like a man. Who would pick you for anything but to be a head liner at a strip club called "BIG ASSES R US".



Ok...I'm out of stuff. I mean, it IS only a Wednesday.




-A-Town Down.

black or white.

I figured that since we are halfway through Black History Month (bet yall thought I forgot), I'd post this little reminder of a video. Eleven minutes of pure racial harmony, panthers, skinny Tyra Banks and child stars. Just as Malcom X woulda wanted it.



I promise to hit you up with something more meaningful, later on in the month.

Chow.

nude mean girl.

So, after I was told that I could not post nudy pics of miss Lohan on my blog, because it was in appropriate, I took another angle. A classier one if you will. Here, Lindsay pays homage to the late great Marilyn Monroe in a recreation of the the blond bombshell's last photo-shoot. Why? Who knows... (perhaps simply too much free time)but if you want to see some large freckly boobs, click here.

Or here.

Here is the thing about art Lindsay...you are not it. And the obscene freckles...not so much Sorry.

PS- In other news, the talented ms Allen (Liliy Allen) uses her new talk show on BBC as a vehicle to promote hidden talents. Bravo, bravo...it's too bad you have that silly accent.

Hillary Clinton. Obama Song.

If you dont laugh at this, you're a Nazi. FACT.

just a few (10) things.

1. Britney Spears Inside an America Tragedy. Alright...so I didnt know that magazines were allowed to do things like this, unless the former star was indeed former...as in dead. I just saw this cover floating around my office and my first thought was 'obit', then I thought 'this is going to be good.' And so it was..... One qoutation."an inbred swamp thing who chain-smokes, doesn't do her nails, tells reporters to 'eat it, snort it, lick it, fuck it' and screams at people who want pictures for their little sisters." And, wait, wait there is more.


2. Hillary has decided that she would make a video too. Apparently, Borack is not the only one that has music video skills.
:ring. ring ring:
"Hello?"
"Yes....mmmhmmmm, yes...I understand"
:hang up:

Hillary, The Jackson Five just called. They want their music video back. Sorry Hillary.



3.Caffeine: A User's Guide to Getting Optimally Wired lists 5 ways to ingest caffeine so that you will get as much out of it as possible. They are 1-Consuming in small frequent amount 2-Playing to your cognitive strengths while wired 3-Playing to caffeine's strengths 4-Knowing when to start and stop again 5-Making sure your caffeine comes from a good source. Read nore about it on your own time....I'm going to inject this sh*t into my veins. Cause that is what they said to do in the foot notes...you know to avoid alzheimers and stuff. This, is my new favorite article.

4. Once you get past the creepy factor, this is a a really good idea. Eye stickers to put on the top of your eye lids....so you could take a nap at work, or when your significant other wants to "talk" or when, you're in a who can stay awake the longest contest. Well, atleast you'll have one part down...now someone needs to invent a turtle neck that stops the crazy sleep head jerks when you are trying to stay awake sitting up.

5. Ummm wtf. Giant Jelly fish. Kill that muth f*cker! Kill his children. And kill his 2nd cousins.....this is why you cant be swimming any and every where. We are too bust marveling at monsters and not taking them out appropriatly so that we can swim unharmed.

6. The only thing better than a nip slip is a nip slip without the slip. Thanks Pamela Anderson...you literally deliver the goods continuously. Keep up the good work.


7. I dont know how I missed this yesterday, but apparently Jane Fonda said the word "Cunt" on Good Morning America. Check it out here. Was she serious? Was it a joke? Who cares really...the words "Bitch" and "Slut" are said on TV all the time, just in a different time slot. Come on america, its 2008. Let a old hoe fucking say cunt. I mean its Jane Fonda for shit sake. Damn it! (5 bad words in 3 sentence...good for me).


8. Thank God the release of "Jumper" is today. Yesssss! Not that I have any interest in seeing it. But atleast will finally stop playing that stupid trailer. I must have seen the exact same traler 55 times, in full. I literally began counting down the days to release in hopes of TV commercial freedom. Even with DVR, the bastard trailer still gets shown. YES! Spider Cronicles....you were getting kinda close as well.


9. In good movie news. A desert. A mystic religous artifact. A whip. What could it be......The new Indian Jones movie, The Kingdom of the Crystal Skull. Holy mother of Mary- Harrison Ford is back and this time with that little kid from Transformers (if only they got his hot co-star Megan Fox too). All past Indie films bring everything to the table. Laughs. Love. Live Action. Betrayal. Whimsicle Nazis. Ughhhh, I am so excited about this...that I will see it with anyone. Anyone.


10. This crazy baby survived a tornado. 11 months old and the only one that lived in his houshold after a tornado straight up demolished his home. Miracle, no? My question...since the baby is clearly a magical being...is, did he go to OZ, and is it stil in 4-color?


p.s. RIP -To the kids and families the suffered in the recent school shootings here in Illinois.

as you wish it.

Photo: Jason Lam

“Reality is the name we give to our disappointments.”

— Mason Cooley

love at a glance.

so I was doing the regular morning routine. Woke up. Turned the tv on to skim the news for weather and daily ongoings. Took a shower. And was getting dressed when I looked up at the 5 day for cast. And was immediatly confused. There seemed to be a bright pink heart on the little blue box representing today. First thought....."what is that, is today some type of national heart disease day?" And then it hit me, that it was indeed Valentines Day today. Whap, whap.

.....................................................................................................

Here are some songs lyrics to really get you in the mood. Remember words are the key to the heart.

Janet Jackson "Feedback"
.....You like it how I work my spine

Got you feeling all hypnotized (hypnotized) 

I gotta body like a CL5 

Make a **** wanna test drive but I'm so on fire 

Flyer than a pelican find another chick better than I don't see her 

Cause my swag is serious Something heavy like a first day period 

Strum me like a guitar blow out my amplifier.....

Closer- Slum Village

There's something I wanted to know, can we get closer?Yeah baby 

Seems like I've waited to know, can we get closer?

Yeah...Yeah Girl you should come up for the week

I'll make you cum from the tub to the sink

Rubbing your feet in a luxury suit

Make sure you come with nothing on just a long shearling

And I'ma make ya toes curl up like there all ???

I'll whisper in your ear, tell ya something

Stick my tongue in ya bellybutton

Reach down below, ya know I'm well sprung

Hit ya from the back to get ya calfs trembling

And pull ya hair 'til its straight, you'll look half Indian....

Do It Again- Jaz Y

You know how Mac come through on the club tip

Everybody real deep on that thug shit 

Cop Cris' spray the club on that thug shit

Cop frisks suits snub in the club quick

Told y'all real high, when I come through

You can try if you want to, you can die if you want to

We hittin whores on the floor, whole crew be wild 

Bitch "Back That Azz Up" like Juvenile (huh)

When my peeps come through to spend a dime a piece

You know Mac come through with a line of freaks

Every bitch on the hit be a 9 at least 

We getting head on the floor, while you grinding freaks

Whole squad get it down like this

Whole squad buying rounds of Cris

Whole squad got they crowns on wrist

Whole squad got a pound of twist

Whole squad got a pound to spit

In case a clown wanna flip.....

Take away: Always speak you mind. Love begins with true communication.

.......................................................................

And in closing...I feel obligated to recommend a sweet little dinner spot for all the lovers out there.

That's right....participating White Castles across the country are inviting you (YOU) and your significant other, moderatly important friend or even complete stranger to a candle lit dinner at yor favorite eating hole.
I dont know about you...but there is no place I would rather be tonight than at white castle enjoying a small square burger, some cheese sticks and a milk shake. If I am really lucky, I will experience a White Castle where the servers are protected by 4 inch thick bullet proof glass and you get your food through a revolving service door. And if Im really lucky.....I'll be in an express one where there are only 2, two seat tables. Ah Romance!

Happy V-Day to All and to All a Good Night!

smart valentine

This is the Valentine I would get my girl, if she existed.

Get it? Its Darwin! Natural Selection....hahahahaha

i hate this, this and that.

do you know what time it is? its time for the semi-not so daily rant and rave. I wish I had some crazy wild music and a camera panning in and out. Oh, and an overdressed game babe. Need one of those too.

1. Locker room antics. The idea of a communal showers (YMCA) has always creeped me out (you have to ask why they couldn't just put up a wall). Steam filled naked male comradery never made it into the top ten of my list of things to do (even when I played sports).....but since I have been going to the gym, I have gotten use to the "idea" of the locker room. However, I would like people to stop blatantly abusing the naked privileges. I understand the basic need to be naked and free, but please...lets not hold a convo while you are drying your private parts. And lets put an end to extended long periods of time standing around butt nekkid. They make the long towels to wrap around your waste..ssssoooo you dont have to share your goods with the world. This is not an episode of "highschool football team (generic)" , wrap it up grandpa.

2. I hate bank of america. They are just a bunch of scam artists. They say what ever they want to you over the phone just to get you to comply(sorta like Delta Airlines), and in the mean time they are sucking money away from you in fees. Overdraft fees are the devil, while over draft protection, is like a little evil elf that moves your money without your knowledge...and then charges you. Ugh...I am so tired of getting duped. I feel like im stuck in some terrorist regime and always getting shafted. Honestly, I would rather you beat me relentlessly to a bloody pulp than you continue to take my money and feed me nonsense.

3. I just cant get it off my shoulder...how Beyonce spoke blatant untruths about singers of the past, and gave undue homage to Tina Turner at the Grammys. She was just name dropping away...Lauren Hill, Aretha, Whitney, Diane Ross and she continued..."There is one legend who has the essence of all of those things: the glamour, the soul, the passion, the strength, the talent," Ladies and gentlemen. Stand on your feet and give it up for the queen."....the "queen" being Tina Turner. Now I coulda care less about the Aretha nonsense...but you cannot so lumping together some of the best voices and talents of our times and then have Tina Turner be the trump card. I love Tina. Love her for all of her 3 hit songs. Loved her in Mad Max and in Ike and Tina...How to Beat Your Wife. And I am not debating her queendom...she is a queen in her own right. But she is NOT the queen of singing and not the queen talent. Fin.

4. I'm done with Chicago and its snow. I get it Chicago. You "own this" when it comes to fucking up people's days. I just want to request...from one brotha to another (cause if Chicago was a person, he'd be a hip black guy with a neatly groomed goatee and a stylish vest) lets calm it down with the snow. The cold, I get...it's winter. But the snowing all the time has to come to an end. We are not in Alaska....and I am not equipped mentally for repeated days of snow. If I turn into a psycho killer, tis your fault.

5 There are a few things that everyone (in my opinion) should be in love with. They are: Puppies, Pizza, The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and the song "Umbrella" by Rihanna and Jay Z. If you currently do not like all of these, I would like to inform you that it is never too late to change. Quit your communist ways and come over to the light side. The right side.


Luv, Shaun

cold blooded.

Damn Jamie Foxx!


How cold you is?





You so cold brotha, u make an ice-cycle jealous.

4-inches of pure solid-like gold.

So, I'm on this kick now, where award shows are starting to tickle my fancy again. I care enough to post blogs about them, and then ontop of that watch them. I watched the Grammys last night. The whole 18 hours of it. And I was entertained...on many levels. Here is a complete list of the winner, if that is the sorta thing your into.

My top moments Grammy Moments of 2008....


1. Beyonce and sister (gimme a second and I'll remember her name) still being dressed by their momma. And the result is.....tacky. I hate to say it, but if I had a giant red buzzer that controlled a door to a pit of african mutant space alligators, I woulda pressed its continuously, restlessly and vigorously for everyone involved in morbid muffin lady's and princess hobo's looks...(hair, make-up, biological parents, god parents, pets....).


2. Ella, ella, eh, eh, eh. Under my umbrella. Rihanna and Jay Z win best collaboration or something. Jay seemed unimpressed. Rihanna was thanking Barbados [record scratch]. Whaaaaa.....


3. The blatant cockiness of Kanye. He literally told the makers and producers of the show to cut the music off when they were trying to get him off the stage. Now maybe this wasnt that big of a surprise to some, but keep in mind, the last time I watched an entire award show, it began with B. Spears consciously singing, dancing and holding a snake simultaneously, and then living to talk about it w/out a coochie flash. Come on Kanye, its the same rules as it was 49 yr ago, let alone last year- if you had something to say about your momz, you shoulda said it at the beginning of the speech. Dont be arrogant, because you wont be hot forever...infact, I'll give you another 5 years tops, before your begging to be on Brit's new album. And your date wasnt even that hot. Bleh!

4. Tina and Beyonce. No, no I, II, and III. I- Beyonce saying that Tina Turner was better than Whitney (I believe she defined Houston as having 'Melody')....where is my giant red buzzer? Presss, presss, preeessssssss. II- Tina's silver spaghetti strap jump suite...your like 70 Tina...the wheels do NOT keep on rollin, they infact NEED to be reinforced and covered up. And silver, not quiet your color Tina. III Tina dancing with Beyonce, she missed a few moves towards the end...but I was impressed (click the pic to link up) . If I was 70 something, I don't think I wouldve picked Beyonce as the person to dance with on stage. I'd probably pick a fictitious character like Fred Flinstone or the Snorks.

5. I also like how Kanye was the subject of 2 snide remarks, when he wasn't even on stage. Some country dude asked him "if he ever had a Beatle give him an award"...and then said "im joking." Usher did not end his stab like that. When he said "Winning isnt everything, Kanye," and he meant it. Kanye, kanye, kanye...modesty will keep your name out of peoples mouths. That's a little something your momma never taught you. Eh, eh and a whap whap.

6. Areatha, Areatha, Areatha. Who told you it was ok to wear spaghetti straps? You are too big to and too flabtastic to be doin that. You know I love you...but you committed a no no. You shoulda took all the shawl business and wrapped it around the whole top of your body. I'm talking straight jacket style. You woulda even looked better with a long (and extra wide) white T on.

7. The Amy Winehouse performance. Hello, who told her that she was all better? They were fibbing. Poor girl was convulsing, and shaking and touching herself. It was all really sad. She wasnt in the US because her visa wasnt right...not that home court advantage helped-but the lack luster crowd supported her all the way through her horrendous performance. And the back up dancers looked like they were from prison (perhaps the same prison as her hubby Blake...er, tmi, Amy, tmi...I'm gonna guess he was a drug dealer, no?). Eh, I dont see what's so great about the girls music anyway....i heard her entire album sounded the same. That's word. lol. The Brits scare me, but she did clean up at the Grammys. And hey...Kanye likes her, so.....

8. Disappointing. No Justin Timberlake. A single tear ran down my cheek. It got caught up in my beard, so the effect...unfortunatly, wasn't all that dramatic.



Other Honorable Mentions: Alicia Keys tore it up singing with Old Blue Eyes (scary) and she was looking real hoodish while she performed her hit single (hot) / Kid Rock was scat singing, obviously as a result of the writers stike / the dueling pianos and orchrastra that played the song from Tom & Jerry (that sgiuld show you how classy I am) was really good / Foo Fighter did a good job performing....outside....... / Fergie actually didnt make a fool out of her self singing while John legend played the piano...she was decent / Will.I.am did however make a fool out of himself / Josh Groban thought it comfortable to place his hand on another man's lower back for the entirety of a song....strange, or normal...hey its opera / Tom Cruise was NOT there....making the place completely Scientology free, phew!!!!