4-inches of pure solid-like gold.

So, I'm on this kick now, where award shows are starting to tickle my fancy again. I care enough to post blogs about them, and then ontop of that watch them. I watched the Grammys last night. The whole 18 hours of it. And I was entertained...on many levels. Here is a complete list of the winner, if that is the sorta thing your into.

My top moments Grammy Moments of 2008....


1. Beyonce and sister (gimme a second and I'll remember her name) still being dressed by their momma. And the result is.....tacky. I hate to say it, but if I had a giant red buzzer that controlled a door to a pit of african mutant space alligators, I woulda pressed its continuously, restlessly and vigorously for everyone involved in morbid muffin lady's and princess hobo's looks...(hair, make-up, biological parents, god parents, pets....).


2. Ella, ella, eh, eh, eh. Under my umbrella. Rihanna and Jay Z win best collaboration or something. Jay seemed unimpressed. Rihanna was thanking Barbados [record scratch]. Whaaaaa.....


3. The blatant cockiness of Kanye. He literally told the makers and producers of the show to cut the music off when they were trying to get him off the stage. Now maybe this wasnt that big of a surprise to some, but keep in mind, the last time I watched an entire award show, it began with B. Spears consciously singing, dancing and holding a snake simultaneously, and then living to talk about it w/out a coochie flash. Come on Kanye, its the same rules as it was 49 yr ago, let alone last year- if you had something to say about your momz, you shoulda said it at the beginning of the speech. Dont be arrogant, because you wont be hot forever...infact, I'll give you another 5 years tops, before your begging to be on Brit's new album. And your date wasnt even that hot. Bleh!

4. Tina and Beyonce. No, no I, II, and III. I- Beyonce saying that Tina Turner was better than Whitney (I believe she defined Houston as having 'Melody')....where is my giant red buzzer? Presss, presss, preeessssssss. II- Tina's silver spaghetti strap jump suite...your like 70 Tina...the wheels do NOT keep on rollin, they infact NEED to be reinforced and covered up. And silver, not quiet your color Tina. III Tina dancing with Beyonce, she missed a few moves towards the end...but I was impressed (click the pic to link up) . If I was 70 something, I don't think I wouldve picked Beyonce as the person to dance with on stage. I'd probably pick a fictitious character like Fred Flinstone or the Snorks.

5. I also like how Kanye was the subject of 2 snide remarks, when he wasn't even on stage. Some country dude asked him "if he ever had a Beatle give him an award"...and then said "im joking." Usher did not end his stab like that. When he said "Winning isnt everything, Kanye," and he meant it. Kanye, kanye, kanye...modesty will keep your name out of peoples mouths. That's a little something your momma never taught you. Eh, eh and a whap whap.

6. Areatha, Areatha, Areatha. Who told you it was ok to wear spaghetti straps? You are too big to and too flabtastic to be doin that. You know I love you...but you committed a no no. You shoulda took all the shawl business and wrapped it around the whole top of your body. I'm talking straight jacket style. You woulda even looked better with a long (and extra wide) white T on.

7. The Amy Winehouse performance. Hello, who told her that she was all better? They were fibbing. Poor girl was convulsing, and shaking and touching herself. It was all really sad. She wasnt in the US because her visa wasnt right...not that home court advantage helped-but the lack luster crowd supported her all the way through her horrendous performance. And the back up dancers looked like they were from prison (perhaps the same prison as her hubby Blake...er, tmi, Amy, tmi...I'm gonna guess he was a drug dealer, no?). Eh, I dont see what's so great about the girls music anyway....i heard her entire album sounded the same. That's word. lol. The Brits scare me, but she did clean up at the Grammys. And hey...Kanye likes her, so.....

8. Disappointing. No Justin Timberlake. A single tear ran down my cheek. It got caught up in my beard, so the effect...unfortunatly, wasn't all that dramatic.



Other Honorable Mentions: Alicia Keys tore it up singing with Old Blue Eyes (scary) and she was looking real hoodish while she performed her hit single (hot) / Kid Rock was scat singing, obviously as a result of the writers stike / the dueling pianos and orchrastra that played the song from Tom & Jerry (that sgiuld show you how classy I am) was really good / Foo Fighter did a good job performing....outside....... / Fergie actually didnt make a fool out of her self singing while John legend played the piano...she was decent / Will.I.am did however make a fool out of himself / Josh Groban thought it comfortable to place his hand on another man's lower back for the entirety of a song....strange, or normal...hey its opera / Tom Cruise was NOT there....making the place completely Scientology free, phew!!!!