apparently.

According to msn.com, the following is a list of things a man should never do around a woman. Ahem....I am going to clarify a few things. And seeing as how this list seems as if it where written by a woman...please be ensured that mine...is from a man. Ding! One point for me.

NEVER

Reveal how much your car cost.

I mean, I dont own a car right now...but I would imagine that if i did have to pay to get you (girl) on a train, I have the right and will to drop the price ($2.00...$4 if I gotta pay for her to get home) at any given time. And I expect to be reinbursed sexually later in the night. $ wgole dollars worth of loving coming my way. Mmmmm, mmmmm.

Clean your gun.
My idea of the perfect first date. Really...all thats missing is a little Boston Market and the animated classic...lets say, Alladin.


Polish high school trophies (which you still have displayed).
And if they aren't displayed? Listen hun...the good days are few and far in between. A man is to his trophies as a woman is to her bra. Support is needed in this superficial world. Otherwise there are nip slips and unneeded droopiness. We may not be perky and supple like when we were teens...but we can pretend.


Refer to your mother as your best friend.
...Im pretty sure I came out of her womb. You did not. She can be whatever I want her to be...in my eyes. Mind you beeswax lady/

Rap.
I actually really agree with this one. Unless you are Jay Z or Justin Timberlake (yes, I just made them the same caliber), keep your rhyming words to yourself. In fact take that mantra and apply it to everyday life. Stop trying to sell me your silly cds on the street. Callin me "brotha" cause you think that will automatically build trust and respect (and gullibility-ness) and make me giv you $3 of my hard earned money.... whoa! I lost it there for a second. Sorry.

Check out our assistant/roommate/the baby-sitter.
If they are hot. They are hot. Perhaps you should try...out-hotting them.

Question our footwear.
Well, if you didnt look like the wicked witch of the west....we would have no questions

Blow-dry your hair.
So, we are just suppose to everywhere looking all wet hobo-esk. I mean...I personally do not have a problem with this rule...but if you are dating a man with longer hair than your own, that is completely your fault.

Tip less than 20 percent.
What if the service was crappy? Or what is it is 18% in the state you are in? Or what if you ar ein Europe?

Celebrity impressions.
Impressions are a fickle thing. I think that no one should do impressions, unless they are spot on. Sometimes I try to do a french accent and end up with a Chinese one. If you are good at celebrity impressions...you are probably a giant dork but hey, you gotta play up what you got. "Do Jet Li in Crouching Tiger of the Hidden Dragon...."

Impressions of us.
Ha ha...this is the one truly good thing about being in a relationship. There is always a reliable person around to make fun of. And it so happens, impressions of a girl (any girl really) is one of the easiest and most fun things to do in the world. Like breathing, but with way more satisfaction.

Forget to carry cash.
Would you rather a man with cash or credit? It IS 2008 and these new fangled things called banks give away these thin plastic card things...which act in the place of real cash. Same concept, I swear. And if the location doesn't accept card....we dont belong there.

Flip it, flop it, swing it around, tug on it, adjust it, scratch it, or do anything that will remind us that it's just a goofy appendage and not a mystical source of pleasure and satisfaction.
I am not going to lie...it took me awhile to figure out what was going on in this rule. I KNOW you are not trying to talk about the look of sexual organs. Lets not even go there lady.

Wii.
Wait, I am not allowed to play wii? That's just unamerican. If this is true...I think all woman should be confiscated, locked up and tortured for the whereabouts of Bin Laden. Fact.

Scream—at the dog, at the guy who just stole your parking spot, at Bill Belichick. Because, no matter how much Belichick deserves it (cheater!), when we hear you raise your voice, we have an idea of what we're in for.
Ummmm, I personally am not a screamer. But there cannot be a double standard here. Girls scream. That is in their nature. So...if you can do it to me. I should be able to do it to you. Technically speaking.


Talk about former exploits. Ever.
This is a trick see....(think about that is a old school mob voice). Cause dams are always trying to ask us about ours past. Yous are trickters see.

Use the words bitch, slut, tramp, or whore, unless referring to another man.
HA HA. Im sorry all I can do is laugh. Sooooooo....thats kinda a given. But what if we own a female dog?

Tell us you're going to kiss us. (Just get on with it!)
Ill do what ever I want to you bitch slut, tramp whore who is not a man. "Dueces"

-And Im out.