strawberry hoebag.

So I heard through the grape fine a few years back about the up-to-date make overs that some of our childhood best friends were going to get. Vintage cartoon celebrities like Strawberry Shortcake, Bugs Bunny, Scooby-Doo, and even Mickey Mouse are getting put through Stacey and Clinton's What Not To Wear on TLC to appeal to the newer/younger generations. Now this is a scary thing for a few people (...me). Because, frankly my life and mental stability revolve around these classics from my past. As a only child, they were like my family when I grew up. Literally (and sadly I guess).

Dont we remember the reintroduction of Ken's 1993 alter ego, Earring Magic Ken. he immediately got pegged as gay. Granted, the purple leather vest, gold chain and earring may have had something to do with it. But the point here is that this reinvention thing, never really works out for the best.

So....here is newly released Strawberry Shortcake. There should be a unanimous gasp from the lips of every girl born in the early 80's.

Now, I have a step sister, so I've seen my fair share of Strawberry Shortcake cartoons. There may or may not even be a picture floating around somewhere of me as a young child holding the doll (it wasn't mine, I swear). I don't remember exactly what she did on the show, but what I do remember is that she wasn't a preteen slut bag. What exactly have they done? They have straightened her hair...cause real beauty is defined by how straight your hair is. She is clearly wearing contacts...because lord forbid she have brown eyes. Se has lost weight...anorexia promotion at its finest. And the hoe is now wearing make-up. Translation...working the corners. Accoridng to the company, she now eats fruit instead of gumdrops and and instead of sporting that damn cat, she will have a cell phone. Does anyone else feel that? Its the world spinning out of control.

What happen to the times when cartoon were just cartoons? Now they are plagued with hidden messages and stereotypes. "Be perfect like me," says Strawberry Shortcake now. The old one would've said, "F8ck this shit, I want a gumdrop...I had a tough day." Imagine what they will do to the rest of our cartoon past.

I am sad. I post this video in homage to the decline of America.


Sadness.