the future.

ive decided -now that I have a grown up job (knock on wood), I am going to have to proclaim some grown up aspirations. And the first thing on my list is to get a very serious girlfriend. Not to say that all my past ones haven't been serious, but now that Im turning 24 and my best years are behind me and lets face it, Im not getting any younger-but perhaps richer and better looking, its time for me to get my life together. So...here are a few letters to my future very serious girlfriend and perhaps her cohorts.


Dear Future Very Serious Girlfriend,

Please be interesting. I'm easily bored. I am also schizoprhenic. I am stubborn and I like cartoons and dragons. I'm really bad at doing the dishes. My idea of a good Friday night involves a very large bottle of red wine and a dramatic showtime series on-demand. I cannot be your jock boyfriend. I am not romantic, but I will always make you smile...so have a nice smile. And dress better than me. Also, I don't plan on getting married until after im 27. We can dicuss this, but for the most part discussion in pointless.

Hope to meet you soon.
Shaun



Dear Future Very Serious Girlfriend's Dad,

I will not be able to help you construct your back yard shed, fix a Leakey pipe or bbq (this out of laziness). But I can call someone to come over and fix it for you. I have spurts of the manly competitive nature, I promise- you'll probably never see them. If I was a Disney prince that swept your daughter off her feet, id be the Hunchback of Noter Dam. We will probably butt heads...but in the end, you will atleast kinda like me.

Cheers,
Shaun



Dear Future Very Serious Girlfriend's Mom,

You will love me.

Seeya Real soon,
Shaun



Dear Future Very Serious Girlfriend's Friends,

I will try very hard to leave a good first impression on you. But after that, I could give a flying f*ck. Either you like me or you dont. I've seen Sex and the City. I know how girls talk about their significant other when they aren't around. Here's the deal, if you don't like me, I'll buy you a martini if you just shut your face.

It was nice doing business with you,
Shaun


I think thats it. If I am missing anyone, you guys should let me know. I'm about to be on the summertime prowl. And by prowl, I mean doing what I normally do....which isnt much. Oh...a disclaimer....There are just a few forms that potential serious girlfriends have to fill out. There is a I'M NOT CRAZY clausal form- which is just some legality issues, nothing big. However, if you break this, I am legally obligated to take action. And there's the....well, I guess that's it. No biggie.

Chow.
s.willz