the list, first round.

Recently, dream boat Ashton Kutcher wrote a column for Harper's Bazaar on his biggest turn-offs. And because you're dying to know, here they are:

Excessive perfume use: “If I can smell your perfume and we’re not making out, you’re wearing too much. More of a lot of things in life is better. Perfume does not apply.”
Big diamonds: “Women who wear big blingin’ stones don’t look like they have a lot of money; they look like they have a lot of someone else’s money. I don’t want my woman looking like she got bedazzled.”
Pantsuits: “I like seeing a female body as much as the next guy, but a midriff on display does not do it for me. By the same token, sexlessness is just that. I call it the Hillary Clinton Look. She would be so much more appealing if she just took off the pantsuit, took a lesson from Jackie Kennedy, and found her own Oleg Cassini.”

As interesting as that list is, I have decided to come up with my own lists turn offs :

UglyLaughs- I like to laugh...and make people laugh. So, if your laugh is not up to par...cute in everyway...I will make you dump me. Case closed. I'll probably just stare at you with a slight grimace on my face and a rare steak in my left hand ready to throw it at your face if you even begin to crack a smile.

Webbed Ear Drumbs- Ewww. I need a clear and defined "dip" in between the ear and what I call the "ear-neck connector." And I don't really think this is a big thing to ask for. If your neck is at the same time your ears, you should probably never date anyone. I mean....really....

Outtie- Theres just no way I could do it. Your belly button should be in. Like mine. Like everyone elses. Like normal people. Your an Alien.

Man feet-It goes without saying that I hate feet. Feet touching me grosses me out. If you touched my feet, I'd be grossed out. I especially hate feet on feet action. I usually freeze up. And start crying from my left eye duct. If you have man feet...you know, and I know we cant date. Cause that means the girl couldnt wear flip flops. We couldnt go swimming. It just wouldn't be fair...to the girl.

Uncomfortable Quiets- You need to be comfortable with not talking all the time. If Im not talking...its probably cause I have nothing to talk about. Don't ask me why Im not talking? Or what Im thinking? Why are you talking? Stupid question receive stupid answers. Im not a machine, woman.

Dresses with Flip-flops- In general...I dont like this look. But this one is pretty relative. I am willing to go with the times- but it's not the Behemian Revolution. And its not an episode of the Hills.

Genital Piercing- Cant say that Ive been there...but there is something about the idea that is very unappealing...like wearing Long johns to the beach or riding a bicycle with my eyes closed.

And that's it. If you have none of these things, you pass the first round of interviews. I would go into the second....but thats where I really do the weeding out.

Now that we got that out the way...I expect resumes to just start rolling in.