iphone...for idiots?

is apple saying that there new phone is especially good for the memory impaired? And retards?


There has to be a more interesting way to relay the facts. Or is this an attempt at truthfulness? Whap whap TBWA/Chiat/Day.

blessed assurance.

I realize that what I am about to say only adds to my blasphemous blogging ways, but last night I was literally. Literally touched by the baby Jesus.

How could I be so lucky? Why me? When?

Well, I had the most delicious hot-damn Chinese food I have ever had in this freakin town. Yes. Yes. Yes. God has finally shined his light on me...it was completely NY Chinese food. Best take out meal I have had since I moved here. I couldn't stop eating. I layed there afterword in comatose on the couch...thinking about a weekly scheduling process. Completely Americanized,I knew the moment I walked into that shanty place, when they had chicken wings and pork fried rice...I was about to experience a miracle.

And it was. Filled with grease. Not a thai noodle in sight. No stupid sushi. This is America and they served me american chinese food. Praise Allah. Budda. The Apostles and the Saints. This is a sign, that I belong. I can actually live in this city now. Decent Chinese food. All I need now is some ox tail and spanish rice.

And they were nice Chinese people. Nothing like the ones in NY.



Common. I Want You.

new joint. good music.

the day after Sunday. Blah.

good Monday.
Hark! A new blog for you. From me. With loathing.

OUT-of shape. I played tennis this past weekend. It's been like a year and a half since I last played, and even longer since I've had a real match. Needless to say, I suck major balls, but I didn't do as badly as I usually do after I take long-period breaks. But, what this paragraph is really about...are my thighs. And my shoulders. And my arms for that matter. Yesterday, they were sore as hell, like I had just gotten beaten by my step mum in a dark ally in Harlem the night b4. I felt like a quadriplegic, suddenly wishing there where ballerina wall rails lining my home. Hating the concept of stairs. Needless to say, usually I would compare myself to a young Matthew McCaughnehey (sp?) physic wise, mixed with the wisdom and charisma of Denzel and the sex appeal of Brad Pitt. But, as I crawled through my home like a WW2 veteran in the trenches due the fear of falling (btw, did you know that the fear of female genitalia is called Kolpophobia- don't say I never taught you anything) I've come to realize that maybe my daily regiment of spoon-to-mouth reps and other such work-out patterns, may be the reason why I could not walk all yesterday and lets not talk about right now (think Gumby on Meth with drawl-that's what my body is doing right now). I fear moving and have been in the same spot since 8am. Typing.

So, as of, when I get my new ipod case, some under armor, and running shoes (which I dont really need, but an awesome excuse to go shopping)....I will be getting in shape. Cause how am I suppose to stay at the top of my my sexual prowl- I mean game, how will I stay on top fo my game like physically and mentally......

Anyone want to play with me?

Halloween. In your face...stupid, stupid holiday. The weekend in which you have the most power, and highest influence...I did not sub cum. In the midst of fairies, pirates, sheriffs, clowns, nurses, slutty cops, gladiators, peter pan (sans Tinker Bell), Kanye Wests, Watermelons, Vampires, Marios and Princesses, Pimps that Provide protection, Hoes, V from V for Vendettas, tennis players (Laila's half assed costume, haha), Girls Scouts, Randy Savages, Tina Turners and Narutos...I held my own. Dressing up as absolutely nothing and no one. I was myself...since I live in Chicago north, if asked, "What ARE YOU" (which is stupidity at its apex, cause I clearly was dressed normally) I defaulted to R&B singer or Rap Star...and surprise, surprise....it worked.
(p.s. My roommate Kelly from Kansas, {KK_...coincidence, I think not} admitted to me, that he mistook a random black man on the "EL" for me- in his words, a white moment . This adds to my theory. My own roommate mixes up his blacks, YIKES!)
But, overall...I win! Halloween..."fuck your couch!"

What time is it? It's time to Rant and Rave.

-I'm tired of the replace this with that craze. Turkey has replaced ham and beef. %s have replaced whole. Listen America, if God wanted us to have 2% and half and half milk...he would of created cows that specialized in making that crap. Or he would of inspired the first man who thought to cut up and ground a pig into delicious little links, to use a turkey as a test run. But NO. He did neither.Natural selection says if you can't handle it, like it was suppose to be made, then you get none, and eventually die, hence ending your legacy of mal-adapted being (If you cant hadle the heat, you die in the kitchen). So, 2% milk drinkers and you turkey (instead of beef) freaks- feel free to die anytime. Think of it as sacrifice to push humanity foward, and up the food chain. A Darwin-esk Kamikaze

-I'm tired of people pulling their family into the work place. "Ewwww, open position, let me get Pukee from up the block...he needs a job." Granted, I might be hating, because every job I have ever gotten, was a pure and utter result of my ability or my faux interviewing ability at least, lol. But isn't that how it should be? Pulling in your family is like being the boss, and fucking the receptionist, and sending out a memo about it. Result...tension, angst, jealousy and suspicion. Above all, what if the person is an idiot? Red card, red card...cease and desist.

"This is not happening in my life"

- I'm tired of people in ill fittedsuites. Throw yourselves infront of your morning commute vehicle. And Penny Loafers. Oh God, "Hi my name is Teddy, I'm in 6th grade and my fav pokemon is Bulbsaur, mom packed me a juice box with a sippy straw." or "Hi, I'm a starch republican...the government should attach trackers to the back of everyone's neck, so we know what they are up to all the time (Big brother/Minority Report reference). Oh, and I'm a closeted gay male that has hidden in the ranks of Catholicism and is totally against gay marriage."

lol, to much? Sometimes, I go overboard.

- Speaking of Republicans. I'm tired of our President totally ignoring natural disasters. Well, disasters in general. I was watching CNN (not a regular thing, I assure you) as fire was eating up the state of California. And then, Bush interrupts the coverage for an important speech. I'm thinking, oh, how very on-top of him, to speak about this disaster so early. Nope, this asses- all-so-important press conference was him asking congress for more money to fund the war. Hello! remember the time California was burning to the ground?

I think that's it for today....all that worldly knowledge I just dropped...tuckered me out.

Oh, oh, oh. I've embarked upon a new project. Back in the day...like 8th grade, I use to write short stories and stuff like that. I think I will incorporate this idea into my blogging patterns,- Look for Just Stories label...perhaps in monthly installments. Let me know what you think about this notion(not that it matters).

Quote of the Day: From the current book I am reading....Apathy and Other Small Victories

"I think our generation has been called to apathy just as our grandparents were called to defeat fascism and the baby boomers were called to get divorced and fuck around for most of their adult lives before bankrupting the entire goddamn country when they retire. But we have the chance to do something really special here. Imagine a world where people didn't care enough to go to war over anything. Where some guy gets up in the morning and says, 'I know God wants me to kill the infidels and keep gay people from marrying each other, but I just don't give a shit. I'm going back to bed.' It would be paradise on earth. This is our mission. I think we can make it happen, but I really don't care either way. And that's called hope."~ Paul Neilan




Kristina Jeffers.

I would be so lucky, to find a beauty such as this one...
this is my dream girl.




.....They aren't really about me lifting my body off of the ground. They are more about me pushing the rest of the world down." -Anonymous

Look at you in that sleak white shell.

Let us, discuss. The new little guy that has come into my life (sans conception and child support).

I considered myself a little bit of a grown up for the past few months. And by grown up, I mean I began parting my hair in the right direction and shining my shoes without the use of spit and elbow grease (highly overrated). But most importantly, I gave up the "head phones in the ear, everywhere i go" look. And by gave up, I mean my old ipod broke. And by broke, I mean died. So, I began flying my daily commutes, solo (wingmanless)...in solace and anger.
Until last Sunday, drunken with sleep but unable to take advantage of it, I ordered a refurbished ipod NANO (second gen). I signed the back, entered my billing info and clicked submit. The next morning, experienced the worst buyers remorse ever. I wanted to call Steve Jobs up on his personal line, and ask him to cease and desist. And this all comes back to my current belief in realationships. Ups and downs, downs and ups. Having an ipod is like buying a puppy. You get HOOD WINKED. It's like a girl not telling you she's pregeres until its illegal to abort, and then you spend the rest of the six months trying to encourage her to take the stairs. But, mostly...the remorse stems from the fiscal blow to my bank account. Arghhhhhhh.

That is, until this little boy came in the mail. :)

I can honestly say that I have never been so much in love.
They accidently sent me the NEW nano. And In only 1/2 a day, one daily commute (one walk and a train ride,) my hatred for the self destructive apple product line as a whole, has completely diminished. "How much so," you ask. Well, lets say I tread lightly, around all possible obstacles, or i TAKE THEM ON. This guys is so little, I now fear the little things in life...like morning commute elbows and stepping on and off the elevator. The gap in between is absolutly deadly and fearsome. I've even bidded and won, on ebay for a case (and everyone knows that ebay blows my mind and I fear its power). And, I also had to kill a bum today. Because he was looking at me the wrong way...and even though I usually pick the latter of fight vs flight....I had to teach my little guy about courage and fortitude.

All-in all. I am finally happy. I've put away the books and the newspapers....all that current update crap and proactive self betterment....it's gone. it's back to the good ole days of me and my ipod. Against the world. Ignorance is bliss, but mobile music, is gold.

RIP Maximus......welcome Lil Thoedore. Theo.

This is dedicated to you...Theo.
"Though nothing, will keep us together...we can still try, just for one day. We can be heros, forever and ever....we can be heros, forever and ever....cause IiIIIIiiiiIIIIII....IIII...will alway love youuuuuuuuuuu. How....won..der...ful..life is, now your in, the world."


And if you were wondering. Yes. You just did waste 5 minutes of your time reading about my ipod. Yep.


care bear.

if you were a care bear, what would be your name?

keep in mind that the care bear stare is a regular routine....so don't half ass your decision/choice. and be creative for christ's sake.

Mine would be black power bear.......

and yours? (i dont really care, but would like some input, i guess)

more importantly.

new spice girl song. Headlines.

kinda sucks....might grow on me. Or not.

sentimental fallacies.

"We ask alot of love. All the things we don't like in ourselves, we expect love to change.
It's a difficult task...for something so fragile."

-Tell Me You Love Me


monday monster.

How lucky are you?
To be here, right now, to read my blog. Just 3 things. I promise....three things. Three long things.

Turn the beat around. I went clubbin this weekend. That's right... Chicago is capable of having a night life sans flat screen plasmas and the cult classic "Sweet Caroline." I'm talking $8 drinks, velvet ropes, a cover, and a too small dance floor to get your groove on or off. Granted, the outside did look like an actual warehouse . But inside, an upscale tavern decorated with fake ambiance and polluted (in that good way) with short skirts did arise. It was a flesh party indeed. I hadn't been in that type of atmosphere in some time. But now that I am reacquainted, I have provided you, my dear readers, with a list of what TO DO and NOT TO DO, when going to a discoteca.

*pleas note...all recommendations are merely opinions and do not apply to eveyone. Just the people that matter.

-DO play the "who am I" game...in which you mimic a dancer around you (one that is clearly comfortable, and thinks they look fine)...and your partner, guesses who it is. Great fun, making fun of people 2 ft from you.The only rule is...no pointing
-DO NOT open a bar tab. Especially one with a $40 minimum...whap whap

-DO NOT wear your brand new aldo shoes to the club. You end up wanting to kill people you dont even know
-DO NOT look foolish. People will make fun of you. If you want a judgment less crowd, ones who will accept you for who you are...join a christian fraternity. The club is for lookin up to par.
-DO stick to one really strong drink..f*ck a shot, f*ck a beer. Jack and coke all night......that way you don't get escorted out or make a fool of yourself on the dancefloor.
-DO try you best to spend some time admiring the Go-Go dancers. They move at very rapid pace and with much vigor. (pssst...you don't have to give them dollar bill either). I always said that if I were a girl, thats how I'd make cash on the side. I changed my mind when I saw a grl from my college psych class dancing on a box on a Saturday night.

-DO talk to people very loudly, whilst you lean in, sorta tilting your head to the angle of thier ear and shaping you lips for the correct pitch and sound that will allow the receiver to hear you over the bass of the whisper song. Otherwise you are bound to get alot of "huh"s and empty stares****this is a tip for veterans
-DO NOT take a girl home from a club. Herpes does have a rhythm. Its called Life (ft Kanye West).
-DO High Five yourself for being the best looking person in the club. If you see better... hate them unjustly.

Anyway...chi-town, I am impressed. I didn't think you had it in you. You seem more of the homely type. PS, I got in alot of trouble once, for saying that to a girlfriend. But, Chicago, I know...that you know...what I mean. You sly "Irish" dog you. You keep leading me on by a string.

Corks and screws. For some odd reason, lately I've been noticing how weird I am. All of the following thing will help support this point..... 1.) I talk to the TV. Like I make frank, matter-of-fact and heartfelt comments to it. Sometimes, I share my opinions. Other times, my hopes and dreams. All judgment out the window. I do it almost religiously, and one day, I feel...it will say something back. And then I will have to destroy it. 2.) Another thing I've noticed is that I just started laughing really hard and loudly at things. Like, I "Blast" (Mary poppins "I Love to Laugh" song reference) loud and strong and clear. Like, to the point, that when I'm done I'm like..."what the fuck was that". But, I blast like 5 times in a row. And then I am done. Weird right? This is a completely new thing...I never use to laugh like this. 3.) Another thing is that I tend to fall in love with other people's love very easily. Like, I think I enjoy being 3rd party to a friends relationship, rather than having my own. I wonder...where it is now...and where its going. Yesterday I was catching up with my BFFs last night (fuck, it was so good to hear from them....I wish Chicago even knew anything about how NY gets down), but anyway...we had fallen a little behind. So we gave life/relationship updates. And i was so entertained. Their drama was my utter enjoyment...ups and downs....talk of marriage...shenanigans about sleeping w/ people at work. Sometimes, I stare at couples on the street and wonder what they are saying to each other now and what they will be saying like a year from now. This morning I was on a packed train and there was this lovey dovey fresh couple being all close and friendly...and the guy coughed in her face, and she laughed it off. In my mind, I started to wonder, if in a years time...the same thing happened, would she be so cute about getting coughed on. Also, there is this woman at wrk who sometimes shares her personal relationahips stories with me. And I sit there bright eyed and drooling.

So....Am I a freak? Cause if so....can I earn money from it?

Current polls shows that it's 50/50 in my house. Of what you ask? The percentage of "fly" use to "over and out" use when urinating. Why and how this conversation came to light in my house hold? Who knows...I merely entered in the middle of it. Here are some key argument points:

- "That's what the fly is made for...to meticulously snake through it and pee...don't be a communist."

- The fly is meant to pull your business through so you don't have to untuck your shirt and unbuckle your belt and pull your pants down like a 5 year old.

-"It's just easier to go up and over...like wiping back to front" lol

-"The up and over only works if your cloths do not fit well. Cause if they did, it would be more work...undoing the belt, button and hold more than 2 things at time. "

How do I feel in the matter? Well, I go both ways....I've taken the high road on many occasions but I've also mastered the pee pee maze as well. I personally know all of my underwear inside out...like on an emotional level. And depending on their personalities the overall situation and the postion of the sun in relation to Uranus, I switch it up each time. Ya know? Sometimes I start off on way...and change my mind. Sometimes, I find it easier to use the pants fly, but to pull down the elastic top of the boxer briefs (yes, I'm a boxers brief guy)...a little bit of both worlds. It's finger magic basically. It's ALL really a split minute decision. But up and over is easier. And funner (yes...funner, Kelly).

LoL, just thought I'd share.

Remember, "No matter how you wiggle, squirm or dance, the last three drops always end up in your pants!"


Quote (s) of the Day:

"I'm going to be a sluty cop for Halloween...what about you?"

"Just a slut."

(and then the two girls high fived...true story.)


So...I gotta share.

Some time yesterday...i changed the status on my facebook profile. I was inspired by some jay z song.

So as a whole it said:
"Shaun Williams is running for President...probably paint the white house black if it were my resident."

and facebook wall discussion ensues....

Kellen writes on my wall: "can i be the speaker of the house?"

Me: "indeed. But u must speak in only african dialect. I prefer the one with tongue clicks. Can u learn it in time for elections?
cause if so ur on the ticket."

KELLEN: "click click ungamo clickity click clack bottootto. (that means Williams/Segura 08)"

this is an example of the people I live with.


Personally Speaking.

as I sit here watching Last of the Mohicans, catching up with my friends across the US via social networking and procrastinating my inevitable ad making life situation, I have had some time to reflect. What have I done with this Sunday so far....well, I woke up kinda late, after dancing the night away. Went food shopping. Made myself some breakfast (the most beautiful looking eggs ever) whilst listening to some gospel. Sub-came to self induced Spa treatment. And then I read a few verses from the book of Psalms.

Yet no matter how perfect this day has been, and how saintly it seems. I am not this man normally. In actuality, I am a man of very few admirable qualities. The rest of me is comprised of single child selfishness, waning interests, and predictability.

the following about myself.....is true. Not Admirable but true.

I live by interest, and interest only. and my interests change daily.
I get bored easily. If I feel actual boredom..I will indeed detach myself from the situation
I am easily annoyed.
I hold grudges like a champ.
I respond to unfavorable actions towards me, with rash and inappropriate responses. And I rarely apologize.
If I do not like something, I change it....or I cause it to change-no questions asked
I have very low tolerance for disrespect
I am pretty ignorant, and may say alot of the ignorant things that come to my mind.(this is usually a bad thing)

So, I do know my faults. And now you know them too. Consider yourself forewarned when dealing with me. . But know this... I am fun. And to be truly honest, if anything, I can always make you breakfast...with some delicious motha-fuckin eggs.

On a side note. Does anyone know where I get one of those sit up pillow seats for my bed?


the island.

cause I'm tired of America thinking they are the only ones with the tunes.......

Soca, reggae, calypso, dancehall......if your not currently tappin ur foot or thinking about how to simulate sex on the dance floor to the beat....

Current Mood:Missing my Culture, friends, diversity....


dangerous drinking.

Dear Chicago,

Please stop your freakish weather patterns. Or atleast hold off for a year or two. You are scaring the east coasters.

Thanks in advance,


I was on my way to happy hour yesterday, walking though the city, minding my own business. I was just suppose to meet up with some co-workers and sling back a few. It was a nice day...like 70's...good jogging weather, horrible getting dressed for work weather. I had my new Aldo shoes on...yep, they were purchased about 2 hours after I posted that last blog. lol, im real compulsive.

Anyway, something hits me in the back of my head. Like a pebble. Then a few more started hitting my back. And then little white pellets began whizzing by me and hit the ground only to bounce recklessly in front of me. So, in my head I'm, like "Is it hailing in the fall?" So I turn around...and what could only be described as a scene from Day After Tomorrow.

Picture me in the middle of the street as a wave of if ice comes barrelling between the buildings toward me. I kid you not. People were ducking and running to cover- after the intial, "what the fuck" that was in my head-I too was ducking for cover. So I'm huddled b/t like 10 people under this awning thingy on the side of the road, as a down our of torrential ice bullets surrounds us.

things that went through my mind:

a. this is the end of the world and i just finished writing and posting a blasphemous blog, slighting Christianity as we know it. Hello Hell.

b. i would die being on my way to happy hour. On my grave...."Here lies the man who died for a beer."

c.i wish i had a decent hair cut when my parent identified my body in the morge.

then the hail stopped and was followed by rains and I proceed to the pub. Turns out there is a serious tornado/storm and we caught the edge of it. So, even though I called my mom under that awning and told her I loved her and stated my will for my fine belongings (ex. "Give my seven jeans to my baby cousin and she can have my fossil watch )....if I see...like see a real tornado, I will move out of this city.

I've already experienced high winds, deadly winters, and other end of days antics. But if a tornado comes into my sights...and messes with my reality that they do only exist in movies...I will be on the next plane heading east. Fact.


PS I'm enjoying some straight up high school cafeteria food right now. Post 11 beers in three hours on a work night, these fried chicken wings and curly fries r hitting the spot. Sh*t, I may need to go home room and visit my guidance counselor after this meal. Ha Haaaa (Simpsons reference.)


Queen to Be.

These two women...I would give up my life to marry right now. Is that bad?

ding ding Dong.

Mid-October update.

Uninspired. I've decided that this year, halloween will mean nothing to me. You see, I've had this on and off again relationship with this holiday and this year I had a good solid plan for a costume. I WAS going to be scooby doo. Like, real home made Scooby Doo. But, in light of recent events....I have lost all interest in doing anything halloween related. I hope to be in bed, in my room for 7 days straight until the "cant go out unless your dressed as something" craze is over and done with.


The Big Apple. On another note...I miss NY again. This is the same feeling I had before I slid down that slippery hill of depression this summer, granted I don't have the same catalysts looming on my shoulder. But I do miss my parents. And my friends. Actually, everyday...I wish I could just go out on the town with a different friend of mine. I'm kinda getting bored of the monotony here in Chicago. Always doing the same thing...with the same people. Never anything out side of the box. I hang with alot of people who don't like to make clear and decisive choices unless someone else does it for them. Yet, they dont really want to do anything out of the bow so............. There's always beer pong or an Irish pub involved. Eh.......... It really isnt as bad as it seems. I guess I'm starting to feel stuck. Working for money to survive. Not as much school (so no clear physical hope or goal). Just work and back home for prime time.


I miss NY. The Diversity of it. Facebook reminds me everyday of what I am not doing and seeing. Am Im not that much of a social butterfly, that I would go out and talk to strangers...so, yeah. Stuck. And winter is on its way. OH BOY! (Sarcasm). BTW, not coming home for Thanksgiving. Thank you job.

Hair update. So, we have passed that embarrassing point of the process, where I look like a homeless person everyday. Now I have somewhat of a manage of this thing that is growing on the top of my head. It's basically a hodge podge of hair grease patted down with a du-rag. I enslave it all week long and then I let it free during the weekend. Hair slavery if you will. "Whatch ur name boy....." "Kunta.....Kunta Kente"

Old GOOD Habits. The shopping spirit has once again been bestowed upon my life. The addiction had flared. Everyday...and I mean every day, I fight not to go to the store and buy myself something new. Just bought a new pair of jeans. Recently...I want these mid calf boot fro Aldos . I've got a few sweaters at the gap that I have said in my mind that I NEED. I want a blazer for the fall....not that I go anywhere anymore to show off, but I still want it non-the-less. You see, I am going through yet another life change.

Highschool=Hip Hop/Prep School.

Early College=Complete Hood...but still classy

Late College= Grown Up fitted/Preppy

Now= Clean / Neosoul

Which means, hello H&M and Urban Outfitters. Manpress is no longer of my list of "good stores". The problem is...everytime i go to Urban Outfitters there stuff is way too trendy for me. I can never bring myself to buy anything from there. Any suggestions?

Oh, and I need and am getting a new ipod very very soon.

Life Lights: I am growing a sufficient hate for rich people and their skewed version of reality they live in/I watched An American Tail a few nights ago.....what a good cartoon/I HATE MY JOB/Vertical Stripes Rule My Life/ Got mistaken, yet again in Chicago, for some other black guy/I am official back to my weight range in college...aka starting operation bulimia very soon/officialy turned off from my space/my cousin is a super model...she is gorgeous and it runs in the family/full size bed is EXCELLENT, it has give be a new found respect for the world/Going to see the new vampire movie, with me, myself and I tomm/I think that I too...have luv for NY/...........

Check my cousin pullin covers:

Trya betta recruit her soon, before she blows up.

Thats how my Family Rolls SON.



heavenly thoughts.

I was up at like 3am last night, and this weird religious program came on, with this old guy discussing a recent news article about the second coming of Jesus and the 8 signs that back it up. The official title is...ahem... 8 Compelling Reasons Why Christ is Coming Soon.

He wearily started the program off with a joke about how a woman was looking for a pious man who would rather be in church on a sunday, than watching the sunday game, and that's when I knew he was crazy.

After he was finished waving his bible around. I decided to make my own blasphemous list of why Christ is Not Coming Soon. So heeeereee we go (Mario Kart reference...who caught that? Gold Star for you.)


The evidence for the not-too-soon return of Jesus Christ is overwhelming. One scholar lists 167 converging clues just in the last few years while others are 280% sure that "he is the father of that baby" wait, doesn't % mean out of 100. The following are eight FACTS that prove Christ will not be arriving any time soon:

1. Spam is still considered a meat to many a culture throughout the world. And that's ridiculous, and totally secular. Everyone knows Gumby's best friend was a red horse.

2. Magnum Sized Condoms. Research shows that more and more paper products are being produced in the color black. Ironically, the same color as writing ink. There is no direct correlation between prolonged deepening of the average vagina and the increased # of condoms they keep putting in a pack, but as more black paper is being used around the world, the depletion of black ink in 2011, will not allow for the proper amount of ink that say, a Savior would need to completely get through a naughty or nice list. Theoretically proven. And lets not even get into the gold ink that is used.

3. Love of Magic. As long as the human affair with mystical beings is at large, a being of such ultimate superiority will not set foot upon this world. Prime Example...Harry Potter, and the generation of miniature aspiring witches and warlocks. False ideology is performed every time a book drops or a movie opens. And that's only one of the mystical being so readily and earnestly immersing into our society. Christians don't ride brooms yah know.

4. The love of Sushi. Eating sh*t raw and packed together with undercooked rice. Pure hedonism.

5. Casual Fridays. If everyone was so "well" traveled and educated, why is it that people still mistake casual fridays for going clubbin-let me get this $20 in singles, day. People still can't dress themselves--or even understand the symbiotic relationship b/t how people think of you and how you look. As long as casual fridays are abused...there is no way the messiah will arise to save anyone. Even he knows Jesus sandals went out of style in the early 90's. And listen....Pink Polos and Button Downs are never acceptable (personal addition). Sinful.

6. The Old World Order is still riding high. Some places just have NOT evolved. In Chicago, they are still cutting their pizzas in boxes, and not slices like normal people. Suede suits are still in. moms and dads around the world still don't know what ".com" is or how to handle it. The royal family is still emphasized and respected in London(they don't do anything). The Irish still hate the Brits and vice versa. With all these world advances......we are still, soooo far behind. And worst of all...FILA is still making cloths. Ugh.

7. Fragil Rock. Mighty Morphin Power Rangers. And I Love New York. With such awesome shows being written, produced and brought to screen within decades so close together, no one in their right mind would end the current snowball effect that is playing out. And lets not 4get LOST. Cha.

8. Turkish Whores. As long as there are Turkish whores....salvation, is unlikely.

It's best to think of this as less of a blasphemous blog and more, anti organized religion blog. Ridicule or religious satire maybe. As IDIOTIC at the link above. Trust, I love Jesus...but it is silly to think that you can comprehend his goals from simple words strung together by an anonymous author. And then have some crazy, decipher 8 visions (as in-depth as they are, not) that for tell the arrival of Christ and the abolishment of all that do not follow him.

It's the difference between spirituality/belief and religion. The good person that treats you as he/she wants to be treated and the religious nut that ties you beaten to a fence for your sexuality.

I'm just saying.

That is all.

hello throwback.

Missy Elliot- Beep Me 911

And because I am bound to find out where this man is...

Like Whoa- Black Rob "Met this bad chick uptown, she was whoa"

Fat Joe- 100%...fuckin awesome summer, killin the radios in 2000

OK, Im going to go to bed now......

wait. Im 16 again.


Little Jammy Jams.

I dont even like the concept of t-pain. Im pretty sure I can do what he does, but I like this. Makes me bob my head.

Another jam by Omarion, who I think will never have a deep meaningful song as he lives. Just hits.

Another multiple hit wonder.I cant hate though...well, I can, but then I wouldn't be able to dance to it. Like I even dance anymore....

The Roc BOyz in the building....new Jay Z single.....I bleed NY, no matter where I live. Believe this.


At the midway point of the Bottle.

This is a visual representation of what I felt and looked like all day today. And it is why I must follow my heart and part ways with a good old friend of mine.

After a fun house party that we threw for my roommate's bday. I was paralyzed for the day hoping that my life would end. And it is all 151's fault. Mistakes were made. Toilets were visited. I woke up with a bruised bleeding arm and a splinter in my finger. I was completely undressed, so I could've been raped and my roommates said I locked myself in their bathroom and decided to sleep on the comfortable tile floor. There are also pictures online, that I do not remember posing for. It's nothing like the party to-do list I created in my head.....and I didn't even get to do a keg stand.

But it did take an entire day for me to get it together. And while I wish I can say it was completely worth it, there are a bunch of other things I coulda been doing today....like establishing world peace (an on going project of mine), washing my comforter, or whitening my Air force ones.

151 and I use to be really good friends back in college, but now its seems we must cut all ties. Your kinda dangerous. And as I get older, I feel like we are on different life paths. I regret doing this, but I must cut the ties. Good luck in all your future endeavors.

Its been real.
Quote of the Day:
"Sometimes you have to let your friends know that they are constantly being judged, and their performance as a friend on any given day, could lead to them being cut loose."
-Flynn Murphy


Accepting Loses.

"All the world's a stage,
And all the men and women merely players;
They have their exits and their entrances;
And one man in his time plays many parts"
- William Shakespeare
(As You Like It)
Everyone you meet has a purpose. Some are meant to stay in you life and change it forever. And some are meant to leave without any influence at all. Then there are those, somewhere in the middle. Don't get confused; you cant always mend everything up. Don't fight life.
Just let it play out.

fabrical HYPO-thesis

Theory # 418

Consider this an educated guess.

Theory- Old Navy is encouraging America to be fat.

Support Points:
-I went into an old navy and tried on some shorts earlier this summer. Granted, I had lost some weight- but lord knows I DO NOT wear a 33 waist. I have never worn a 33 waist. Yesterday, I was forced to buy a Large sweat shirt, instead of my normal extra large.
- Old navy is like one of 2 stores that offers sizes like XXXX Large. I have never seen BR or Armani or Guess offer such sizes. And that is because they intrinsically enforce a thin frame (translation: they don't want fat people wearing their cloths.)

I hypothesize that; a. Old Navy is tricking their consumers into thinking they are smaller than they actually are. b. thus enforcing cofidence and a false sense of recognition c. there labeling themselves as the sole/leading cause for US obesity. They are like the loving parent who tells you you always look nice, or the blind person who loves you "as you are".

Facts: Old navy is only in the US. And the US ranks 9th in the list of fat countries in the world. The upper nine are islands (not real places with real eating habits). The US has approximately 127 million adults that are overweight, 60 million obese, and 9 million severely obese.

Suggestion: End the selling of fat people cloths...or if sold, only sell Moo Moos to men and woman alike. These Moo moos will act as a catalyst...hopefully causing a lay-off (due to inappropriate wrk wear), psychological trauma (like not wanting to go out to eat cause u look ridiculous) and many more fashion/life related situations of the same propensity.
The idea is to start change....and I suggest you start with OLD NAVY....then we can cut the "Big" out of Big and Tall and.......so on and so forth.

Final Statement: Cloths always make the man......but they shouldn't make the fat man. They should make the fat man look foolish.


perpetual proximity

Inspired from another blogging friend of mine, who writes much better and is therefor more interesting than myself...If I were stuck on, lets say an island, and had to create a list of things that I would or wouldnt mind being 6 feet away from perpetually (its a very small island) for the rest of my life-eternity-, it would be as follows:

-twizzlers (family size)

-a copy of Details Magazine

-the giant ninja turtle toy I had in 3rd grade.

-Shea Butter Vaseline Lotion

-A pack of menthol Marlboro lights

- Anything from Target, with the receipt attached to remind me of my savings

-a two -sided cassette tape containing Remember the Time- Michael Jackson on one side, and on the other, The Electric Slide

- my highschool class ring circa 2001-2

- A pair of pumas w/ velcro straps

-mary Poppins, on dvd

- a GAP whilst having a BIG SALE! (banners and all)

- A poster of Brad Pitt (no homo)

Bad(like these are my definitions hell)-
-revolving doors

- little polo man embroidered pants and pastel shorts that end far above the knee

-this kid I hate from college....Aaron Thomas

-an Irish bar

-Hillary Duff

-Steamed Cabbage

- bad mac and cheese

- men in pink shirts

- a person with an ugly laugh (i mean, i would eventually stop talking to them)

-Jameson shots

- an over zealous sports fan, whose every conversation revolves around leagues

What's your list?
(i'm just being courteous, I dont really care.)


world of fame 2

Berry or two. So, i read an article that said Halle was is possession of twins. When I looked at the picture, well...the only twins I saw were the 2 up there bouncing around just inches front her chinny chin chin. I mean, with my dreams already shattered, it seems my heart has indeed moved on ever since she mailed back the eligible tube of baby makers I sent her- get this, with a note attached saying "Return to Sender, your sperm didnt have a chance." Weird right. I'm totally fertile. Anyway, her boobs have helped me get over the fact that she is switching lists from top hot celebs to hot celeb moms. That reminds me....JLo is in the midst of doing the same. Wait, maybe it was JLo who was having the twins. Nuts....I guess I'll I have to keep periodic tabs on 2 sets of boobs. My job is so dificil.

PS...the term "Motherly Glow" is given too much credit. I would think EVERYONE would rather have "A Hot Ass Person Glow"...no?

David Hasselhoff, your a drunk? I mean, I didn't know he had a drinking problem. In fact, I didn't know he was still alive. I didn't know he had kids and was in a custody suite due to alcoholism. I thought he live overseas. Turns out he is making Anaconda 3 as we speak. Interesting right?

To bad he is an utter mess. Ugh. At least we know he wont be drinking a driving. Cause Kit would never........

Still Alive. So get this guys and gals. Fred Durst is still alive. Like, I had forgotten he existed as like...you know, a human being. And check it out, he looks less tool baggish, and more.....like, well, like a Dad. Sure, maybe he resembles a creepy dad that fondles his kids, drinks 2% milk and then worships Satan in the attic. I mean, maybe this isn't as exciting for you, but I TRULY did not know where this man was. Turns out, he has been moonlighting as a serial killer.
Other celebs on my list to find...Black Rob. Tina Turner (she may have died...maybe?) and "Cross" from Criss Cross.

I Love NY 2. Lets all be honest here. I think...NY will end up with the back flipping small man. Midget Mac. I would run down the list of every other guy...who for some reason or another has interest in NY. But I feel there are only a few worthy of mentioning (like It), but all my money is on Midget Mac, man.

I mean, the rest...eh. Oh, a part of me wants her to end up with a person her size, but wouldn't it just be soooo funny if after 4 seasons (years) of trying to find someone-via reality specials, which as in genius as they are, don't really equal "real"- she finally finds the one whole total and complete man for her.....in a 3 ft tall midget. HA HA. That's right, I am laughing....midgets are funny. And midgets with grown people...even funnier.

I PROMISE you...there will be more blogs about this show. It WILL consume me. For better of worse. Its like watching a gigantic chest pimple being popped and the pus pouring out like mayo.

Too Much? Cause I did see that, last night, on you tube...thanks to my roommate.
Thant's all for now.....drunks, midgets and feti...........

African American Potato, Pot"ah"to

Theory # 344

Theory: The Caucasian race (and I am not being racist, just stating and observation)has a deficiency in being able to tell African Americans apart. It is common that one black male is mistaken for another, merely on skin color alone. The sad past is, it is purely a mistake( and I see this man).

Supporting fact: 1- racial profiling exists hardcore, 2-*the fact that i have been working here for several months and people still call me by the old Office services guy's names (and I've sen pics of the previous guy-nothing in common) 3- I just met a man coming to see my boss for the first time and he started talking about getting some photos to me, that he promised some while back :/-"I don't know you man" and I'm positive that you couldn't state my name or the name of my predecessor4. The common joke.. said or referenced to by both parties "They can't tell the difference between you" is used often.

Inversely: It is impossible for black America to do this. Socially IMPOSSIBLE.

- Race and color is a predominate factor in identifying people...especially in the "melting pot" that is America.
- People identify with their race and succumb to its idiosyncrasies and stereotypes on a daily basis(sometimes to a flaw). With this fact, the "grouping" is set into motion. Extreme: Starting of sentences with the term "They". Smaller: Simply inability to understand cultural preferences...like the use of Du Rags and the concept of 3 hours church services.
-History also dictates/ed the stratification of social classes....barriers of understanding and truly getting know an individual culture, but accepting and allowing thriving stereotypes and broad and shallow understanding.
-With this cultural divide and shallow understanding of other races/cultures and creeds...identity is lost. When you add in the hierarchy of American social class, there is no need or want to get to know some ones identify....faces as lost and skin color is given the "power"

Take into account:
1. This theory probably applies less to the younger generations. As time goes on gentrification increases
2. With all those black basket ball players and track stars...its probably hard to keep track..lol (ignore my ignorance)
3. Blind people probably are not effect by this theory and should not be held accountable. In fact they should love everyone.

Overall Outcome: Ignorance is so not bliss. And, if your not sure you know someone...you probably don't.


october lights.

just an update, for all you lovelies who care about me. This is a long one.

Declaration of dependence. So, I had a tough summer. I was really stressed and I think a little depressed at times. I had alot going on and it all softened me up. I was looking back at my blogs...on the other social network...and it sounded as if I was going to slit my wrist...complaint after complaint. I guess this is my formal apology- except I don't apologize on my own blog so.....
But, I'm writing to say I'm all over that melodrama. I'm going back to the old shaun. Sometimes an asshole, sometimes a bum....but always BADASS.

I'm goin back to the "don't give a f*ck" days.

New bedding system. So, I just upgraded to a full size bed. Yep, I've been in chi-town for a yr, and just got a grown up bed. And...well, I'm not sure what to do with it. I stay waking up with a whole half bed unused. How do I go about acclimating. I mean, I sure as hell aint sharing, the only other thing that rummages around in my covers is my left hand (ewwww, shaun is so gross).
Anyway, now that I'm a grown up...I need to learn how to use all of my bed. Def still in college mode. Whap whap. I feel as if I'm doing my sleeping body a disservice.

Lonely. I had this crazy dream the other night. It involved a friend, tears and the police. The friend i told it to analyzed it as "me being lonely." Granted, she is not a dreamologist, but should I be worried? Eh, just thought I'd bring it up.

Wild man. So about operation beard and fro. Just so that we are all on the same page, I am growing my hair out as well as producing a mean beard. I was told that both are out of fashion...like 70's porn star meets Kid and Play- out of style. to them I say NAY, sir NAY.....here is what I hope to accomplish.

the hair of "black csi guy" and the beard of andre agassi. Let's do it. All i have to say, is think continuous itching and tons of grease, on a hair schedule. Sexy, neosoul tennis player.

TV& Films. Lets get a Hoorah for American Gangster and Across the Universe. I NEED to see both of these in the theater. Unfortunately, all of my roommates are way to picky about what they go to the movies to see. I think in 9 months, I've went to the movies with my roommate Matt like 3 times. And I only wanted to see one of the movies. Kelly likes to act like he wants to go to the movies, but never commits./ Kid Nation- what started out as the ridiculous antics of kids, is now a big bore.Cant wait until Lil Billy put his pee pee in 2 year old Sussie...that will spice things up a bit./Prison break- my roomate has me watching this lame ass show, but unfortunately, I'm kinda into it now./ Heros- always relatively entertaining for Monday TV./ Real World- cant wait till tomorrows episode. I hope Parissa gets that girl good And someone needs to get Cuhutta's country ass off the show.Everytime he speaks, my head literally explodes./ I don't feel like I'm far enough into top model to commenton anything just yet./HBO's Tell Me You Love Me had a hole lotta sex in the first 2 episodes...just to suck you into the drama filled plot-bastards better be glad I love drama.

And, I guess that's all. Chicago has decided to cool off, after it killed a few people and then realized that it was October and should infact be cold. "Oh yeah. Its usually chilly right now...cause winter is coming." (thats chicago speaking, if you didn't know). The roommates are doing well. They all decided to temp...like yours truly. I'm finishing up my portfolio. The sky is still up, and the ground is still down. My cousins were in NY yesterday, and I was a little jealous that I was stuck here in Illinois.

Well, if I've sufficiently bored you into a cleverly written word induced comma. Wake the fuck up and do a line...cause there is another one coming soon bitches.

That is all. Except....whap whap to Brittany Spears new video. After you wasted 4 minutes of my life, I officially support all of the negative things that are happening to you. How many times are you going to spin around the freaking pole? She was better at the VMAs (brought to you by dancing blind Walrus entertainment).

Word(s) of the Week:
"You are in charge of how people make you feel. You and only you." - Sam

Robin Thicke. U Center Me.

ignore the silly video. Just listen.


Ugly Power.

Theory# 244

Ugly people are more likely to be in charge, than attractive people.

Clause 1- Ugly people spend less time socializing, and therefore have more time to "mold their careers"/work their asses off. Less late night partying=better work ethic and in work productivity = moving through the ranks.

Clause 2- The better lookin people have more friends, naturally. And hence...less time to better themselves.

Clause 3- Unattractive people usually know they are just that, and save and invest their money into like.....worthy things. Attractive people must dress and be the part of "being attractive"...there is alot of extra expense that need to be embraced.

All of this put together, give the "uglies" a better overall natural advantage. Not to say that attractive people dont get far....but, there is a significant "head start".

Obvious Falacies to take into account:

1- Inheritance

2- Industry--like the modeling industry...everyone is probably semi attractive.

3- Age- some people dont age well, and dinosaur bosses now, coulda been hot tamales in the past
4- Sleeping your way to the top is a common scenario---usually exhibited by women---the funny thing is that if an "ugly" were to do it, they rarely get anywhere, but attractive people always get what they want. So is the world.

Final Statement: I'd rather be attractive that Ugly any week of the month....

indian, dot dot or indian, head dress.

so yesterday was Columbus Day. Yay. Coincidentally, the day before, I watched a serious 3hr docu-movie about the downfall/slow entrapment of the American Indian.

I jokingly wrote a bulletin, on that other web site saying that we should all celebrate our forefathers by "putting down an Indian today."

it was a moderately successful joke. It received a few responses, some good, some bad. But that is the way the cookie crumbles. (ever wonder where that expression comes from? Who had a cookie, and realized the many different ways it could crumble?)

Anyway. So, in light of my dead ipod, I have been becoming a morning commute book reader. And this man was talking behind me. Really loudly about his Panasonic walkman that we bought for $36, and how it had lasted for years. Meanwhile, he is clearly using the thing (its blasting 80s music) and I can tell by the tone of his voice that he is talking to no one in particular. I mean, it had a hint of crazy in it. And it was 7 am, and Chicagoans aren't exactly the most friendly of people in the morning- his convo was completely one sided...and by that, I mean no one was talking back to him.

At first, the concept was funny. Either he was talking to no one in particular about nothing, in a crowded train. Or, he found some poor soul, who was probably politely nodding and he tricked them into a full out one sided convo.

And it was amusing until he didn't stop. And then (since I cant read when people are talking to loudly and it was 7:10-10 full minutes of crazy talk) I wanted to slaughter him. Literally.

When he said his good byes- which no one responded to- I glanced out the window, and I saw an old ass man, in slimfit black jeans, with a plaid shirt and khaki army-like vest...and he was Native American.

Coincidental....? I think not.

So, I figure...I have now until Thanksgiving to see if I can take down an indian a day. But, like...not a cover your face indian, just a plain ole...rain dance indian.


tyra moments.

why?.....why not?

Trya is always saying that she wants to be the next Oprah right? Well...to that i am saying, the key word is "quality."

Why? why? why? why? why? Why couldn't you get them regular ipods. Why shuffles? Are you making a sly subliminal remark...or is your show too cheap? Quality.

Really? Is that the best you got? Peeing tips?

But your a model. I mean..that's the only reason you have a show. And...well, you have been hitting the twinky aisle a little hard lately. And, you got some extra meat. So....yeah, your fat.
BTW, she ended that rant with "kiss my fat ass." And I would...if I could get pass the eighthead.

And this is to show that she isn't the brightest crayon in the box. Sitting 101.

And this is simply is not up to Oprah standards.

and we will through this one in there from her other show....

Temper, temper Tyranasauraus Banks..

All in all...she's an idiot. She shoulda never retired.
But I Love her.


world of fame.

Everyone who knows me, comprehends the enduring love and support I have for JLo and all her endeavors. I've been there though all her miniseries of lovey dovey movies, albums (sans the Spanish ones, not meant for me) and even the career flops such as Gili, Angel eyes and getting married to the crack baby.

But this I cannot support (whole heartedly). It's like a prom dress gone wrong. Or an acid trip dipped in disco inferno and strirred in the grips of hell's Queer Eye for a Sraight Guy. Indeed burn baby burn....of my retinas. And as much as I would love to see this body fully unclothed, every time I look at this photos I can imagine the crack baby saying ,"Mami, you look muy bonita...like a taco wrapped in South American dreams."
I mean, becoming mainstream in Spanish speaking countries should be less mortifying and more...well, sexy. P. Diddy would have never let her get on stage like this. Whap whap.

In other news Alicia Keys is dropping another album...starting with her new single "No One."
Awesome song...to which after viewing the video, I thought immediately....no one could pull off the horrible side, french, ponytail braid thingy you have at the end, but you Alicia...No Onnneee..

So Brit lost her children. Looks like it's no longer Her Against the Music. Turns out she was too Toxic to hold on to them. She followed her Prerogative and kept getting f*cked up every night after she had kids. Almost dropped the Boys a few times. Sometimes she let the 2-yr old drive the car, which is Crazy. And now, the court system did Do Something. The gave the kids to K-fed....how UnLucky and Outrageous. Looks like in the future...she will have to be Stronger. And lets all hope that as far as kids are concerned, she'll never have to say "Oops I did it Again"
And by the way I'm a Slave for You.

**Did you see what I did there? Using her song titles to describe her current life circumstances. But seriously, I think they should give all the kids to Moesha's friend, cause KFed is clearly NOT the next logical choice. They might as well of given the kids to the dancing hippo that lives in my head. What? Wait, I don't really care what happens.

Cat Woman is having a baby. (Check that link out a time or two, would ya). I would just like to say Halle Berry has been in the top 5 of my 10 hottest women list since its creation in 98'. And when I heard of her pregnancy... a tear ran down my cheek. And then down my chiseled 8-pack. Ahem.....and I'm uber (yes uber) jealous of that white guy who got to plant his seed in my top 5. I mean...I'm model material. She coulda had my bi-racial kids........ cause lord knows I would give up my "blackness" in a second just to go to dinner with halle, let alone have her condomize me. LoL.
With this said...her are my top 10 celebrity crushes....judge me if you will.
1- JLo- I know she is having a baby aswell, but crackbabies dont count, she is still #1
2-Jessica Alba
3-Adreana Lima- exotic hot, but could never talk to her with that silly accent
4-Gabriel Union- "She's the Queeeen to Beeeeeee......."
5- Halle Berry
6-Megan Fox- Hello Transformers!
7-Thandi Newton
8- Kristina - (Stina from Janice Dickersons Modeling show )-Wifey Material
9-Alicia Keys- she fluctuates b/t 5 and 10, depending on her ghettoness at the time
10-Lauren Hill- Like from Sister Act 2, lord knows what she looks like now

that's all for now......remember, gossip is your friend.