The Jersey Shore: An Intro Lesson on "GUIDOS".

At this particular moment in my life, there is nothing (or very few things better) in the word than sitting on the couch and discovering a surprise episode of the jersey shore on my dvr. It's like finding money in your coat pocket, when you didn't know it was there.

I know. I know. I only post really intelligent and interesting posts about intelligent and interesting shows. I mean....I have told you guys about my love of Real World- no matter how boring the particular cast*(*ahem-Real World DC). But what you don't know, is that I dabble in an array of trashy reality tv shows. I am somewhat of a....professional. And as a professional, I am HIGHLY recommending MTV's The Jersey Shore.

Now, somewhere between 2002 and now, it became cool to use the term "GUIDO" in a positive light. I recall the days when calling someone a "GUIDO" was the best way to start a fight in the tri-state area. But this show embarrasses it. The set up is pretty much like Real World, but they have found seven, count them seven individuals who love the following: Hair Gel and therefor spiked hair, GTL (Gym Tanning Laundry), Hair Bumps, the Italian Flag, Techno and therefore Fist Pumping and Graphic Ts. They put them all in a house on Jersey Shore and literally let them run a muck for like a month and a half. Every episode/bar fight is a learning lesson in...what it men a to be a GUIDO. Every minute brings to light new terminology and childish cultural endeavor.

An introduction to the cast:

Pauly D- Pauly is 29 and his only life goal is to become a DJ. Now, I'm not knocking becoming a DJ- but when you're almost 30 you have to start getting your life together? Does he have any money in his 401k? I mean...life priorities. The other interesting thing about him is his spiky hair-do (which is a complete throwback to my high school days) which literally does not move. In the water, sky diving, lawn mower attack. Not a hot damn strand moves out of place. Annnnd he has the word "Cadillac" tattooed up the side of his body. Isn't that nice? But despite all these things....I kinda want to be his friend.

Nicole "Snookie"-Snookie is the reason I started watching. She is the one who got KO-ed by a guy, and like the rest of America...I became addicted. She's small. A little chubby. She's not all that bright. She's also loud and fiesty. Much like the first episode I ever saw in my life, her claim to fame is that she cam take a punch to the face. I've seen 4 episodes and she has been hit dead in the face twice. What she needs to do is learn the eight point blocking system asap.

J-Wow- J-Wow is just the typical wild ass slutty chic with a boy friend. She's got like 15 different hair colors going on all at once and every piece of clothing she owns has the potential of a probable nip slip. Oh and she has this boyfriend who is smitten with her. But of course she's cheated on him already. And when he found out about it, she sent her flowers. Yep....cause 1+2= Flowers.

Sammie and Ronnie- These two decided to date. Individually...they are not all that interesting. Ronnie is a meat head man child, and Sammy is clearly the "hot girl" in her crew at home, but in reference to the rest of the world....she is not- and she knows it and therefore makes everyone around her feel awful about everything all the time. The only interesting thing about them is that as a couple, they fight all the time. They fight about the stupidest of things, but they always get back together. There is alot of "man tears" shed-on both parts.  But at the time you watch it, it's like the most totally interesting thing in the world. 

Vinny- Vinny is pretty normal. There-fore, this is all the characters that are allotted to him (and he gets no image).

Mike "The Situation"- This guy is a special breed of human. But he is definitely one of the show's stars. Mike has got wash board abs and calls himself "The Situation." I am convinced that he is completely socialy inept. He totally lacks the ability to recognize all social ques, and therefore is the most douchiest of oblivious douche bags known to man. This guy is in love with himself and expects everyone else to be in love with him too. He has no game, but thinks he does.  He spends literally 70% of his time trying to get girls to come over the house and get in the hot tub aha "creepin". Best quote to date: “....I necessarily didn’t want to bring home any zoo creatures whatsoever. These broads probably smelled the food at the house.”  I love the guy.

The Duck Phone- For some odd reason, MTV decided to make these kids talk on a phone....shaped like a duck. Lol. Friggin duck phone.

Now, I am the first to admit that this show is perhaps the most pointless show on earth. But hot damn it is entertaining as all hell. These guys represent a subculture that is as unique and yet useless as a Lady Gaga outfit. Evey time I talk to someone about this show, I remind them that the kids they have on-air now, are not the old Italian culture we see on the street everyday. You don't see any 45 year old "Juice Heads" at the grocery store, do you? These kids and thier "GUIDO-tude" are a fad. So you might as well be entertained by their willingness to put their ignorance out there for the world to see. 

So, all in all. Will this show make you any smarter? No. Will it make your life any better? No. But will it make you want to write a blog post about the stupidity of humanology and how it can simultaneously become the most entertaining ploy of American entertainment to date? Yes.