Friends: Dan

So...I have a shirt that says, "You Are What You Eat." I brought it because it was $7 at Old Navy and I liked the color and centered typeface (<--ad geek). I don't like to wear it out because I ALWAYS run into some wise guy that makes a pu**y joke. Ridiculous right? But anyway, conversely I believe that "You Are Who You Hang Out With."

Now....very recently a few friends were sending around the "Did You Know" video via facebook. After scolding them for not reading my blog (cause I posted that video months ago), I elaborated on a joke about my friend Dan "liking" Jada Pinkette Smith. I may have perhaps related his new found "like" to reverse racism. And at the same time I schooled them on broadband in Bermuda and exactly how fast it is-which I have experienced.

His exact facebook message response:

Jada Pinkett loves my Broadband penetration. She's always trying to sign on to my shit. I look at her and I'm like listen i’m currently in offline mode and can’t browse the web.

But I gotta tell you about this one time when she needed an upgrade and I delivered..

….So i take out my 16 GHz Pentium processor and insert it gently in to her motherboard.. right away she's turned on.


I can feel her fans trying cool me down... It’s no use..
i'm just too much, too fast, too powerful..

Still loading

She asks me for a password.. I look at her I say
BitcH? What Password???

Then i remembered.... "y2K"..

I give her the secret password. She loves that dirty talk.

still loading..

All of a sudden she bursts with life and activity, memory and programs…Her fans go wild... it's to late for antivirus protection now..

Still loading...

Just before she's ready we look right in to each other and she sings me a beautiful melodious welcome to windows song..

It’s too much…

and then out of nowhere a Blue Screen flashes just before my eyes...

As soon I realized what happened I shut her down and acted like it never happen.

ahhhhhhh i think I've gone too far.

And that....is my friend Dan.

1 comment:

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