10 Bathroom Rules for Men.

Joker over at WAS recently wrote a post titled 10 rules all men should follow when using the toilet. This is a topic that weighs heavily on my soul, especially within the work place. I think women around the world would faint if they knew the hedonistic discrepancies that occur regularly in the men's bathroom.  Though, my new job's bathroom layout alleviates much worry, Joker pretty much sums up exactly what all men over 25 should know and follow on a daily basis. This post is for Joe Coworker, who never washes his hands after he pees...you should be locked up and convicted. Word is born (throwback expression...2 points for me).  

1. Greetings should be limited to non physical acknowledgments. Who the hell wants cock, piss, ass or shit germs on ANY part of their bodies just to be nice and show you care. If you really care, wave or give me the Demolition Man greeting so you can keep your germies to yourself fucker. This applies to recently exited people from the bathroom where no less than three minutes must pass before offering a fraternal and physical greeting to a fellow human being.

OMG. the day someone pats me on the shoulder in the bathroom will be the day I lose a job.

2. Moaning is for porn, contain yourself. Though we invite you to relieve yourself, I don't need to be nauseated by some blowjob moan coming from my left.

There is nothing worse than hearing the vocal abilities of someone right next to you on the stall. Especially when you know who it is from their shoes.

4. Phonecalls while you're peeing are ok but while you're shitting, we expect silence. I don't know what's more distrurbing, knowing someone is having a detailed conversation while having to snip a loaf before time, the fact that the person on the other line might or might not know this person is taking a crap, or the unyielding truth that courtesty flushes are totally ommitted since this person is obviously more engrossed in talking shit while taking one.

The courtesy flush is a must...

7. If there are several urinals and there is only one person peeing, you must leave one urinal in between your fellow pisser. If not, you are formally declaring that you are either gay or have had gay thoughts in the last 24 hours.

Lol, I think this rule gets a pass if you're drunk at a bar. You just have to keep the eyes aimed straight foward...and no talking if I don't know you!

8. Wash not only your hands, but your nails. I've had the displeasure of seeing people with nails that look like they came from a catfight with a Crunch bar. Seriously people, ew.

ALWAYS wash your hands...it doesn't matter what device you are using. You nasty SOB. I'll call the cops...I swear. 

There are just a few, click here for the rest. And I would like to formally thank Joker for confronting this horrid epidemic head on. You are my hero!