it's all about the angle.

I think it is funny, the amount of pride that the mid-west has. As an East Coaster at heart, I have come to learn the ways, secret codes and passwords that make up the world that is middle America. As, hundreds rock their Indian University shirts, another hundred flock to the local bar to watch the Ohio State vs _______ (insert random ass midwest state here) game. here they care about such things as the Cotton and Orange Bowl, and use terms such as "Lake Effect" and "Pasture". And this...is a good thing. Them thinking that Missouri and Nebraska are actually real locations, that the average person would want to visit and ejoy, is admirable. But the problem lies in this simple fact...

When you inform them that the middle states infact, do not matter...they get all up in arms. So, I just wanted to briefly state some facts.

1. On the east coast...no one knows that your state exists. Infact the only time they do realize it, is if they are getting quizzed on states and capitals in grade school. I dare anyone in the US to act like they never heard of NY.

2. Coolness factor. Or lack there of. I have not met one person from this state or its surrounding that I envy in the slightest. And I am not talking that mean, im gonna get you sucka envy , but in that thats a real cool cat, i wouldnt mind chillin with them sorta envy. I feel like every time I meet someone new, its just an alteration of someone I met earlier. "Are you the twin of?"

3. Chic-less. As born to be western folk...and probably the descendants of some of the most skilled gun slinging cowboys of the West...chic, trendy and ahead of the curve....you guys are not. I have never once been wowed when I went out... here is chicago. Not to say that fashion and culture is not on the forefront here...but damnit, I use to get wowed on the regular in my own town...and I am 23.

4. This one is personal. Girls dress real different here. There are far more dresses. Less high heels (in general). And less tight jeans. And this, makes me sad. Girls are way more homely over here. And thats whap whap. Where are the gals with the tight jeans and high heel boots and fitted winter coats. You knw? dem girls with the pum pum shorts.

And its not like I dont love you middle America. I do, indeed appreciate you, even the states that are clearly Confederate at heart and especially those that import their black people in for sports, and then send them home after 4 years. But you just have to be put in you place. You are nothing more than the glue that keeps the East and West Coast from floating away. And you are a mighty fine glue made of the most precious of gems, but you are not the main attraction.

Love Shaun (from NY)

Disclaimer: It is part of my new year resolution to not write blogs with references to real people or situations...so, let it be said on record that there is no real or actual person I know that this blog referes to.