Heavily Gift Wrapped.

Virgin Sex. I feel it is truly my job to inform you (loyal and not-so-loyal readers) about the juxtaposition that is this debate regarding the loss of virginity-sexual promiscuity. I know. I know. You are thinking, "Shaun...that is so last year." But upon recent discoveries...even a sexual genius, such as myself, has a few doubts.

According to this website, there are many reasons why a young person hold on to their virginity- such as 1. "wanting sex right now "(the website's alternative tab choice to keeping it in your pants) only leads to herpes, 2. they now make and sell abstinators, which basically assist in the keeping of one's virginity with technology such as ugly glasses and BO spray 3. "Everyone" is NOT doing it. Though, you thought think they were. Yet there are commercials out there amping promiscuity (and awesome memory), and making this sex thing seem...well, cool. And everyone knows...ads tell the truth.

So what is a young boy or girl to do in such a time of targeted altering messages and sexual translucency? I mean...both messages make sense. I mean, I know what I am going to do. I cant speak for everyone. But I am going to build a time machine....go back to 2002 and get my virginity back. Fast.


On a festive note. Ever wonder what animal lovers do on the holiday? No? Me niether. But Peta has got an awesome website, which helps you figure out who to hate this christmas season. My favorite is Ann Wintour and Kate Moss. If you shake the globe well enough...Kate's cocaine flies right out of your screen and onto your desk. A Christmas miracle if you will. Here is my question. Are Peta people ok with the fact that Reindeer pull Santa's sleigh? You think they would rather something...a bit more eco-friendly.

Naughty or Nice. Or Nicely Naughty. Remember when Jaime Lyn Spears had commercials such as these. Yeah, me neither....but according to recent news, it looks like she will need a new target audience. Like, unwed 16 year olds getting knocked up by live-in 19 year old boys. And correct me if I am wrong...but Nickelodeon doesn't really specialize in that market. Not recently, anyway. In other nicely naughty news...check out the anti smoking ad displayed to your right. Yes, this man is missing a jaw. Oh, Canada, what I wouldn't do to visit your country and puke all over your public trans, household living room couches and newspaper stands, as I walked the streets. Cause it is only in Canada...and select third world countries, that one has to worry about the pages in between the actual magazine articles making you nauscouse. Check this one too. You have to read the instructions. Always. Or you could die. Simple, hard, cold fact. I love you Canada.






And we will end on this classy note. Check your balls...regularly.




-Goodnight Chicago...see you in a week. Im off to the mother land (New York).