of the biblical type.

If there was more than one man named Jesus in the room, would I call them "Jesi"? Just wondering.......

Yo Gabba Gabba.

Found out about this new this new kids show on Nick. Point blank it's ridiculously scary, with about a teaspoon of trippy on the side. It (and it alone) will be the downfall of mankind. In my opinion.

It's called Yo Gabba Gabba. Don't ask me what the premise is.....Just watch and try to figure it out for your self.

Overview.

Elijah Woods cameos.

Biz Co-Stars. He has a standing segment on the show inwhich he teaches a new beatbox beat a day.....[seriously]


This is kinda an extension of my earlier blog about the cartoons that made me the man I am today...or at least large boy. While I may have thought Ducks could indeed talk and there was an alternate dimension inwhich little Asian guys fought , as a child I never would have never succumb to such silly foolishness.....especially with that crazy looking host (i.e. Michael Jackson in the Wiz ,far left).


And while some may say it is cruel and heartless of me to slight the entertainment/muses of an entire upcoming generation, I say..... seriously, if Barney never had a chance in my eyes, this show is a complete joke. Someone give me $100,000, I can make a kids show too. And it won't involve the premeditated future inclination to purchase glow sticks and pop E at a rave. Promise!


This right here...is funny!

Believe.

Mccann Erickson drops some seriouse epic spots for Halo 3.







Do you see what's going on here. I do. Taking a product, their niche of a consumer and blowing it out. Gettin into thier world and useing it. Well done. Well done, indeed.

Believe in advertising. I cannot wait to finally get into this industry.

American Dreamin- Jay Z

hotness.

alphabatize it and it will be better.

"S"

After 20 minutes of S-Curl burning, 10 minutes of styling, a trip to the south side and one or two cranberry vodkas...I have finally achieved a look I am comfortable with. Bring it on Chicago....bring....it....on.




I will now take this city on by storm....or atleast heavy fog.

gold star.

though I was against everything Halloween this year....this costume is hYsterical.

line of cocaine....surrounded by prisoner and D & G model(i guess).

lol...cocaine IS funny.

headlines read, oh so important stuff...

Homosexual Activity . Check this story about the luxurious paradise that is Dubai. You know, the Persian hot spot with all those million dollar islands that form the world, architectural wonders and an o so progressive tourist scene. News flash......it's still a third world country.

In short, a french student accepted a ride from a native (who also went to his school); instead of taking him home they toke him to a dark alley to rape him. Upon reporting it to the cops, the raped boy was charged with homosexual activity, discouraged from pressing charges and had to leave the country to avoid getting arrest, for- uh...getting raped. Not recognizing male rape, in all fairness, they do a term "forced homosexuality" in which some one can be sent to prison for up to 2 months. They, the country, then ignored the boy and the french government.

This sounds like a lovely vacation spot. Maybe I will go here, on my honey moon, if I am lucky! Did I say honeymoon... I meant torturous death in hell.

(P.S. this is one of my major fears, going to an acclaimed tourist haven, only to be traumatized by subculture shenanigans and evil doers with accents. This guys first mistake, was hopping into a car with a stranger.)



Lesbians have tear ducts too. I swear. In fact power lesbians, according to recent studies, seem to be the easiest egg to crack. Apparently, all you need is a dog. Kids. And enough irrationality and irrelevancy to fill an eco friendly two car garage(condoms excluded). If you havn't seen it click here. The skinny is, she adopted a dog, then gave it away, hence violating the "adopted dog contract." In response, the adoption agency, took the dog back. There were kids or something involved as well. No matter the case, Lesbians are cool in my book. The Lebanese government...not so much, but Lesbians...I like. Especially dancing lesbians. Dance on Ellen, dance on. BTW, there's no crying on TV. Oprah, would never....


The Twist: Apparently, this is like the 10th time Ellen has done this...broken the animal adoption law and what not. So, "they" where fed up and decided to act....and now they are out of business. Ellen, caring fundamentalist or stupid overzealous animal abuser- you choose. I mean, whate evr the case....she is still an awesome dancing lesbian. Did I mention that already.

Umbrella. According to sources, Rihanna's semi hit/hated song Umbrella was orignally meant for R&B queen Mary J Blidge. She was quoted as saying saying, "I had too much on my plate...but Rihanna did her thing and made that song a hit."
We all know I have an unaquited love for the Umbrella..ella, ella, eh, eh, eh song....but could you imagine how different that song woulda been if MJ did it. She woulda been talking about her cheek scar and all that rain and drama in her life. It woulda been a hit as she rifted up and down the scales, Real soulful. And then Jay woulda been on it. I woulda been like "Holler, NY and that Umbrella." It woulda been a revolution mang. But no.....instead we have a forieghner giving us some shallow ass "ellas." What does this teach us? It is indeed raining and pouring....when MJ dismisses a song, you need to scoop it the fuck up. Fact.

Halloween, Celeb Style:

So as I denounced the holidays due to personal reasons and lack of funding, the rich did it up big.

Kate Beckinsdale as: Slutty Devil

Paris Hilton as: Slutty Alice in Wonderland

Heidi Klum (Seal) as: Cat Thingy?



















Seinna Miller as : Oh wait, she isn't in costume. NIP SLIP! Hahaha




Overall Lessons learned:
1. "Slut" is and will always be acceptable for ALL (regular, famous and not so regular) women to dress as on Halloween. The key is...you gotta act like you are something else, with a side of slut. 2. Hiede Klum has finally pooped that baby out and is back to here old self, thank the gods. And body suites DO work for her. 3. Nip slips are always funny, especially when you are not dressed up in a costume. 4. Dressing up make you look stupid.

Happy Halloween. I'm so glad it's over. On to the realer holidays.




Superior Monkeys. One of the world's most awe-inspiring mammals died yesterday from natural causes. Washoe, the sign languaging chimp. Now, when I say chimp, you are probably thinking Speed Racer, or Magilla Guerrilla...or Curious george. But no, this monkey...I mean chimp, was far more relevant and useful and real. Clearly smarter than myself- I signed. Like, he could speak to death people. I'm surprised this little guy wasn't in area 54 with the transformers. Anyway, I felt like giving him some love .....R.I.P.


Robert Goulet dies. Actor, singer, entertainer and hilarious commercial star, Goulet died yesterday Oct 30th. Truly hip, in all senses of the word...he will be missed. Hats off to a truly non-traditional man. R.I.P.



B-Day. Where the f*ck is Beyonce's hair? OMG, I am pretty sure I have lost all sexual attraction to this women. She now looks like my little cousin Brandon. And I am not a pedophile. You hear me Beyonce...I am not a pedophile.

Aren't you rich?

And finally, Brittany is still retarded. Rumors, rumors, rumors. She is trying to have another baby. She lost custody and visiting rights of her kids. She has cocaine parties the same night as her loosing custody of her kids. Still not wearing underwear in public, yet straddling like a cowboy as she gets out of cars.

I really have nothing to say here. Actions are the pantomime of words. And there is a god damn Shakespearean play occurring in her head right now. I only wish I knew someone like this. Someone so messed up, that I automatically feel better about myself when I am around them. If only.......

{one fist in the air} Live on Brittany, Live on.









-FIN

iphone...for idiots?

is apple saying that there new phone is especially good for the memory impaired? And retards?

BORING!!!!!!!

There has to be a more interesting way to relay the facts. Or is this an attempt at truthfulness? Whap whap TBWA/Chiat/Day.

blessed assurance.

I realize that what I am about to say only adds to my blasphemous blogging ways, but last night I was literally. Literally touched by the baby Jesus.

How could I be so lucky? Why me? When?

Well, I had the most delicious hot-damn Chinese food I have ever had in this freakin town. Yes. Yes. Yes. God has finally shined his light on me...it was completely NY Chinese food. Best take out meal I have had since I moved here. I couldn't stop eating. I layed there afterword in comatose on the couch...thinking about a weekly scheduling process. Completely Americanized,I knew the moment I walked into that shanty place, when they had chicken wings and pork fried rice...I was about to experience a miracle.

And it was. Filled with grease. Not a thai noodle in sight. No stupid sushi. This is America and they served me american chinese food. Praise Allah. Budda. The Apostles and the Saints. This is a sign, that I belong. I can actually live in this city now. Decent Chinese food. All I need now is some ox tail and spanish rice.

And they were nice Chinese people. Nothing like the ones in NY.

Holler.

Common. I Want You.

new joint. good music.

the day after Sunday. Blah.

good Monday.
Hark! A new blog for you. From me. With loathing.


OUT-of shape. I played tennis this past weekend. It's been like a year and a half since I last played, and even longer since I've had a real match. Needless to say, I suck major balls, but I didn't do as badly as I usually do after I take long-period breaks. But, what this paragraph is really about...are my thighs. And my shoulders. And my arms for that matter. Yesterday, they were sore as hell, like I had just gotten beaten by my step mum in a dark ally in Harlem the night b4. I felt like a quadriplegic, suddenly wishing there where ballerina wall rails lining my home. Hating the concept of stairs. Needless to say, usually I would compare myself to a young Matthew McCaughnehey (sp?) physic wise, mixed with the wisdom and charisma of Denzel and the sex appeal of Brad Pitt. But, as I crawled through my home like a WW2 veteran in the trenches due the fear of falling (btw, did you know that the fear of female genitalia is called Kolpophobia- don't say I never taught you anything) I've come to realize that maybe my daily regiment of spoon-to-mouth reps and other such work-out patterns, may be the reason why I could not walk all yesterday and lets not talk about right now (think Gumby on Meth with drawl-that's what my body is doing right now). I fear moving and have been in the same spot since 8am. Typing.

So, as of, when I get my new ipod case, some under armor, and running shoes (which I dont really need, but an awesome excuse to go shopping)....I will be getting in shape. Cause how am I suppose to stay at the top of my my sexual prowl- I mean game, how will I stay on top fo my game like physically and mentally......

Anyone want to play with me?



Halloween. In your face...stupid, stupid holiday. The weekend in which you have the most power, and highest influence...I did not sub cum. In the midst of fairies, pirates, sheriffs, clowns, nurses, slutty cops, gladiators, peter pan (sans Tinker Bell), Kanye Wests, Watermelons, Vampires, Marios and Princesses, Pimps that Provide protection, Hoes, V from V for Vendettas, tennis players (Laila's half assed costume, haha), Girls Scouts, Randy Savages, Tina Turners and Narutos...I held my own. Dressing up as absolutely nothing and no one. I was myself...since I live in Chicago north, if asked, "What ARE YOU" (which is stupidity at its apex, cause I clearly was dressed normally) I defaulted to R&B singer or Rap Star...and surprise, surprise....it worked.
(p.s. My roommate Kelly from Kansas, {KK_...coincidence, I think not} admitted to me, that he mistook a random black man on the "EL" for me- in his words, a white moment . This adds to my theory. My own roommate mixes up his blacks, YIKES!)
But, overall...I win! Halloween..."fuck your couch!"




What time is it? It's time to Rant and Rave.

-I'm tired of the replace this with that craze. Turkey has replaced ham and beef. %s have replaced whole. Listen America, if God wanted us to have 2% and half and half milk...he would of created cows that specialized in making that crap. Or he would of inspired the first man who thought to cut up and ground a pig into delicious little links, to use a turkey as a test run. But NO. He did neither.Natural selection says if you can't handle it, like it was suppose to be made, then you get none, and eventually die, hence ending your legacy of mal-adapted being (If you cant hadle the heat, you die in the kitchen). So, 2% milk drinkers and you turkey (instead of beef) freaks- feel free to die anytime. Think of it as sacrifice to push humanity foward, and up the food chain. A Darwin-esk Kamikaze

-I'm tired of people pulling their family into the work place. "Ewwww, open position, let me get Pukee from up the block...he needs a job." Granted, I might be hating, because every job I have ever gotten, was a pure and utter result of my ability or my faux interviewing ability at least, lol. But isn't that how it should be? Pulling in your family is like being the boss, and fucking the receptionist, and sending out a memo about it. Result...tension, angst, jealousy and suspicion. Above all, what if the person is an idiot? Red card, red card...cease and desist.
"This is not happening in my life"

- I'm tired of people in ill fittedsuites. Throw yourselves infront of your morning commute vehicle. And Penny Loafers. Oh God, "Hi my name is Teddy, I'm in 6th grade and my fav pokemon is Bulbsaur, mom packed me a juice box with a sippy straw." or "Hi, I'm a starch republican...the government should attach trackers to the back of everyone's neck, so we know what they are up to all the time (Big brother/Minority Report reference). Oh, and I'm a closeted gay male that has hidden in the ranks of Catholicism and is totally against gay marriage."
lol, to much? Sometimes, I go overboard.

- Speaking of Republicans. I'm tired of our President totally ignoring natural disasters. Well, disasters in general. I was watching CNN (not a regular thing, I assure you) as fire was eating up the state of California. And then, Bush interrupts the coverage for an important speech. I'm thinking, oh, how very on-top of him, to speak about this disaster so early. Nope, this asses- all-so-important press conference was him asking congress for more money to fund the war. Hello! remember the time California was burning to the ground?

I think that's it for today....all that worldly knowledge I just dropped...tuckered me out.


Oh, oh, oh. I've embarked upon a new project. Back in the day...like 8th grade, I use to write short stories and stuff like that. I think I will incorporate this idea into my blogging patterns,- Look for Just Stories label...perhaps in monthly installments. Let me know what you think about this notion(not that it matters).



Quote of the Day: From the current book I am reading....Apathy and Other Small Victories

"I think our generation has been called to apathy just as our grandparents were called to defeat fascism and the baby boomers were called to get divorced and fuck around for most of their adult lives before bankrupting the entire goddamn country when they retire. But we have the chance to do something really special here. Imagine a world where people didn't care enough to go to war over anything. Where some guy gets up in the morning and says, 'I know God wants me to kill the infidels and keep gay people from marrying each other, but I just don't give a shit. I'm going back to bed.' It would be paradise on earth. This is our mission. I think we can make it happen, but I really don't care either way. And that's called hope."~ Paul Neilan



-FIN

be-a-U-t-i-ful.

Kristina Jeffers.

I would be so lucky, to find a beauty such as this one...
this is my dream girl.

www.kristinajeffers.com

"Push-ups...

.....They aren't really about me lifting my body off of the ground. They are more about me pushing the rest of the world down." -Anonymous

Look at you in that sleak white shell.

Let us, discuss. The new little guy that has come into my life (sans conception and child support).

I considered myself a little bit of a grown up for the past few months. And by grown up, I mean I began parting my hair in the right direction and shining my shoes without the use of spit and elbow grease (highly overrated). But most importantly, I gave up the "head phones in the ear, everywhere i go" look. And by gave up, I mean my old ipod broke. And by broke, I mean died. So, I began flying my daily commutes, solo (wingmanless)...in solace and anger.
Until last Sunday, drunken with sleep but unable to take advantage of it, I ordered a refurbished ipod NANO (second gen). I signed the back, entered my billing info and clicked submit. The next morning, experienced the worst buyers remorse ever. I wanted to call Steve Jobs up on his personal line, and ask him to cease and desist. And this all comes back to my current belief in realationships. Ups and downs, downs and ups. Having an ipod is like buying a puppy. You get HOOD WINKED. It's like a girl not telling you she's pregeres until its illegal to abort, and then you spend the rest of the six months trying to encourage her to take the stairs. But, mostly...the remorse stems from the fiscal blow to my bank account. Arghhhhhhh.



That is, until this little boy came in the mail. :)


I can honestly say that I have never been so much in love.
They accidently sent me the NEW nano. And In only 1/2 a day, one daily commute (one walk and a train ride,) my hatred for the self destructive apple product line as a whole, has completely diminished. "How much so," you ask. Well, lets say I tread lightly, around all possible obstacles, or i TAKE THEM ON. This guys is so little, I now fear the little things in life...like morning commute elbows and stepping on and off the elevator. The gap in between is absolutly deadly and fearsome. I've even bidded and won, on ebay for a case (and everyone knows that ebay blows my mind and I fear its power). And, I also had to kill a bum today. Because he was looking at me the wrong way...and even though I usually pick the latter of fight vs flight....I had to teach my little guy about courage and fortitude.



All-in all. I am finally happy. I've put away the books and the newspapers....all that current update crap and proactive self betterment....it's gone. it's back to the good ole days of me and my ipod. Against the world. Ignorance is bliss, but mobile music, is gold.

RIP Maximus......welcome Lil Thoedore. Theo.


This is dedicated to you...Theo.
"Though nothing, will keep us together...we can still try, just for one day. We can be heros, forever and ever....we can be heros, forever and ever....cause IiIIIIiiiiIIIIII....IIII...will alway love youuuuuuuuuuu. How....won..der...ful..life is, now your in, the world."



-FIN


And if you were wondering. Yes. You just did waste 5 minutes of your time reading about my ipod. Yep.

care bear.

if you were a care bear, what would be your name?

keep in mind that the care bear stare is a regular routine....so don't half ass your decision/choice. and be creative for christ's sake.


Mine would be black power bear.......


and yours? (i dont really care, but would like some input, i guess)