African American Relationships:Is there really an issue with black marriages?

So I have this friend, La Nia who just starting blogging. She's a really interesting person in real life, so I assume her blog will reach the same hieghts of...interesting-ness. But anyway, she raised a question very recently: Is there really an issue with black marriages? And she asked my opinion (I don't know why). She references a few articles, with stats like "According to statistics over 40% of African-American women over the age of forty are unmarried compared with 20% of white women and around 30% of Hispanic women...yada, yada, yada." But perhaps the most interesting/entertaining parts of her blog post are the two videos below. Sponsored and made by blackmarriage.net, the videos feature a black couple embarking upon a relationship, but first....they voice their standards of operation. I'm not gonna lie, it's pretty hysterical.

Men's perspective (why they don't like black women: problems with the way black women think about themselves, what they could/would do to you if you dont comply and what they expect from a relationship)




Woman's perspective / the rebuttal to the above video (why they don't like black men: problems woman have with the way black men think about themselves, their needs personally (head) and what they expect from a relationship)

I mean...I would be lying if I said that some of the stereotypes put forth are not accurate depictions of what the sexes in our community think of each other. Stereotypes are...for the most part, true. That's why they are stereotypes. For instance...I know (personally) a girl of a lovely chocolate complexion who WILL NOT date a guy under 6ft. I also know dudes who don't want to date girls from an HBCU and complain that black girls don't give head.

My opinion, in the long haul, I think the needs of men and women in relationships are the same across all the races. Money, feelings of independence, feelings of dependence, kids, sex...you name it, we all go through it. The nuances picked up in this video of the African American race, are just issues that pertain specifically to our culture. Married dudes who want their wives to not nag them for staying out late with their boys....I believe all men want that, regardless of ethnicity. A feeling of independence, but still being "kept"...I think all woman want that. The only difference is the way we phrase it. The spin we put on it. And you can blame that on our culture. Honestly, there was a time (not too long ago) that an entire group of people were forced to band together as one single unit and fight to preserve themselves in this country. Being one black unit and fighting for the rights of that black unit was a necessity to survive. But now as the time goes forth opportunities have presented themselves that weren't there in the past. The ability to transcend cultural norms is now on the table (or atleast slowly being presented as such). You no longer have to go to an HBCU to get and education and women don't have to have 12 kids to make sure their husbands surnames survive all the lynchings.

So these videos, as funny as they are...reflect a shift in the social norms of the African American culture. The Black Unit is no longer as defined as it once was. the need for it, has decreased. There are many different types of black people now. We all don't have to join a fraternity or sorority to get higher education. We all don't live and die for hip hop. We aspire to other careers besides law, office administration and being a teacher (not knocking those professions at all), but we can now be renaissance men and women: graphic designers, actors, artists, and even...the president. As a race don't need to stay within our ethnicity or culture to date or marry anymore. That's a new thing. So maybe that's what is affecting the black marriage stats. New opportunities. And if you pair these new opportunities with some of the common ruts of stereotypical actions and thinking like we saw in the video (let's keep in mind that stereotype exist, because they are true) and taaaddaaaaaa, the decline of the traditional black marriage.

That's just a theory though. My major premise however, is that the needs and wants discussed in the videos above, are not just limited to the black race. And I think that is mportant to point out. There is a unique difference between men and women overall...and I think that is for the better. We (the black community) just have a more colorful way of making our points known....son.

And that's my opinion. I didn't mean to get all Malcom X on yall (blame La Nia). But generally speaking....

FYI, ladies..... "A man who can make me laugh, is a thug and can kick it with the boys in the boardroom." This shape shifting... X Man....mutant, does not exist. You need to pick one. FACT.

Cheers.