Lonely World- Robin Thicke

dont ask why I am up right now....

Being Average.

"My genius, if I can call it that, is to combine a whole lot of averageness into a compact frame. I'd say there were a million like me, but there aren't really; lots of blokes have impeccable music taste but don't read, lots of folks read but are really fat, lots of folks are sympathetic to feminism but have stupid beards, lots of blokes have a Woody Allen Sense of humor but look like Woody Allen. Lots of blokes drink too much, lots of blokes behave stupidly when they drive cars, lots of blokes get into fights, or show off about money, or take drugs. I don't do any of these things, really; if I do OK with women, it's not because of the virtues I have, but because of the shadows I don't have."

High Fidelity- Nick Hornby

weekend bueno con amigos.

I had a really good and chill weekend. I would say the first weekend in a long time that I was completely okay with everything that occurred and ALL activities that took place. So good, in fact that I will share.

In summation. Got off of work on Friday and bought a Burrito for home (this is exciting because it is only the second time I have ever had a burrito in my life....lost my virginity like a month ago). At home, I literally laid down on the couch, ate my burrito Delicious bite after bite completely undisturbed. I then watched Remember the Titans and a little bit of the Wizard of Oz (trippy, cant believe my roommate is from there)before I was knocked out, surely drooling all over myself. Woke up nice and early on Sat, to go food shopping and get my fix of Dunkins. Watched my Saturday morning installment of Legion of Super Heros, The Batman and The Avatar (also uninterrupted) and then caught up on Nip/Tuck. A nap then ensued and I woke up to a college football game/the Bulls loosing horribly. Went to the bars for a few hours...nothing ridiculous, met some new people and came home quiet sober. Sunday, I played some 2 on 2 b-ball. And that was real fun out of the ordinary. Think Ewing mixed with the autism and sloppiness of Ming when he first came to the states. Truth be told, one of the best weekend I have had in this city. And yes...I am sore AGAIN, but not as bad as after tennis. Also, I think I might loose a toenail...emmmm, sexy.


With that said let me get something off my chest before I go on....

I don't know how they do it in the Chi, but friendship back on the east coast (aka friendship with me) is a give and take thing. Sometimes you give, without receiving and sometimes, you take without giving. Here are 3 simple rules, Friendship 201 (cause you should already know that fighting and spitting are a no no while sharing and caring are a yes please)
*none of these rules are mandatory ofcourse, it's just that-if not followed, you will remain a simple associate in my eyes...aka see ya when i see ya)

1. Friends do not share their personal opinions about each other with one another. If you have a not- so-nice opinion (actually any opinion at all) about me, keep it to yourself or don't be my friend if it is an inconvenience. Cause I have opinions as well. And mine are never nice.

2. Let me be really clear about this one...Sometimes, you do things with your friends (if you indeed consider them that) that are not of personal interest. Believe it or not, you can hang with them knowing that there is no real gain. It's called friendship. You value their presence and being as a person. And truly, getting to know someone doesn't happen while you are taking shots at the bar...believe it or not. This is one thing that I am missing here in this city. It's like having friends without benefits. Whap, whap...feel bad for shaun.

3. Be at least a little interesting. All I really need in any friendship is humor and compliance to the first 2 rules. But don't be a f*cking bore. If I have to work more than 50% in any conversation...I loose all interest. I mean...I am willing to go 55%, but that is all...you hear me, devil boy! That's it.

I don't know if it's the city....but these half assed friendship have to go!

And last but not least....face book travesties.....

Every once in awhile, I run into photos on the face book that should be kept under wraps. They are usually visually disturbing, being as how facebook is more "liberal" than other social networks. And I am not talking about an incriminating sort of thing...like boozers and animal porno. But, more subtle incongruousness, like the one to the left. A former highschool associate of mine has this outfit on in his main profile pic. Shell neckless + dicso inferno candy cane neon pastel shirt = Dante's Inferno on meth walking the streets slapping babies. I don't even know if these are shorts (and lets hope they are), but the khaki material suggests the seriousness of the outfit. It's his profile pic...so you know he thinks it looks fly. I mean, it is not Halloween anymore and it is not the second coming of Jesus Christ...so I have no idea what is going on here. For all I know he could have matching crocs and 10 killer Livestrong bracelets on his left ankle. This is like an autistic child being allowed to dress himself for a black tie event. It just doesn't make any sense.

I've got some more for yah......at a later date perhaps.



-FIN

How not to make a commercial.

not even the best boobs out there. Whap whap.

I got 48 hours to live.

Thicker than water. Insert chuckle here. So Dog the Bounty Hunter, got caught, and by caught I mean told on for using the N-Word to describe a black woman. The catch is, he was descibing a young black woman his son was dating, and it was in fact, his son who leaked it to the press. Yikes! Effects, Dog's show has been canceled. This was his response on Larry King:
"I thought that I was cool enough in the black world to be able to use that word as a brother to a brother," he said. "I'm not. I didn't know really know until three or four days ago what that meant to black people."
So...you have to ask what type of dad you are to be completely ousted by your own son. I mean...it is no surprise that the N-word is still regularly and intentionally used with just as much angst and harm s as it was 5 decades ago...but damn homey, to have your son be the cause of you losing your job and your credibility as a human being (not that he had much to begin with), I'm sure it will never be the same at thanksgiving again.

Dog's Son: "Pass the white trash mash potatoes"
Dog: "Go fuck yourself snitch"

Also, I am seeing a trend here in Hollywood. Unlike before....it seems that if you use a slur, but then apologize on national tv, you clear yourself. Just so the world knows, this is not really the case. If you use racial slurs on people...you are racist. And if you report your own father your the Snitch of a racist Father. FACT.



Mandy Moore gets cute. And by cute I mean she grew boobs. I dont know if you guys recall "Missing You Like Candy" but boobage wasn't really her strong suite. And in the movie when she was playing a dieing girl, she looked just like that, a dieing girl. And on Entourage, as Chase's crush...she simply wasn't cute. So, I gave up hope. That is....until now.

Great googly moogly. Still not List Material though.

Snap into a Slim Jim. Wait, wrong wrestler...I was thinking Randy Savage, this is about Hulk Hogan, well his son anyway. Nick. Who got in a car accident and left some kid in a comma. Turns out Nick blew a .02 on the Breathalyzer....busted. The Hogan Family released this as part of a longer statement:

"The tragedy to both families is compounded by the fact that unfortunately John {kid in the comma} was not wearing his seatbelt. Thankfully, Nick was wearing his."

Niiiiiiiiiiiiiccccccce, blame the kid in the Coma with no blood alcohol level for not wearing a seat belt. Yeah, classy Hogan Family. Classy. The PR spin always works for drinking and driving, brotha. Especially when the victim is knocked unconscious in the hospital. Next time blame the kid for driving in the first place. It is a tragedy, compounded by the fact that John was actually driving on the same road as Nick. What was he thinking. And.... check that nice little stab at coma boy at the end of the statement, you shoulda buckled up...and maybe drank b4 hand and you'd be ok.


Green Zone. So, the NFL went green on Sunday. And by "went green" I mean...for the night, they turned of all the lights in their studio claiming that they could power a medium sized home for a month with the energy they saved. Matt Lauder was in antartica in an igloo for some reason. But I digress. Because, whilst they reported by candle light, we were looking at Lauder on the giant plasma which was probably sucking the energy right back out of that little house they were saving. But they did make a valiant effort {as captain planet and the planeters roll thier eyes simultaneusoly}. What's that I smell....oh, it just bullsh*t.

I would pay to see the geniuses that thought this up. "I know, I know....lets kick off this whole saving the world thing with a football game," And everyone highfives shouting thing like "Killer Idea" and "freakin Awesome" and someone cranks up "Sweet Caroline" and they all rock out.


I mean common lets think....the cameras, the sound system, the control room, and all other technical aspects are ON. And all you can do is fuel a medium size house for a month? What about telling all the NFL watchers in america to turn off thier tv's and listen to the game over the radio. Whap Whap.
NBC
NOBODYCARES


And Finally, Ludacris makes a fool of himself in the new Christmas movie Fred Clause. I guess a paycheck is a pay check right.

-FIN

In Review

Moving Pictures: The new Batman movie with Heath Ledger as the joker has the potential to be bad ass. Check the Joker's make-up, Simply put, it's scary. If I didn't have nightmares about Bale's creepy child molester voice already, looking at this lovely images for 2 hours should insure the my children are sociopaths. BTW, I want cat woman to come back...that was a good one. American Gangster. Ok, so there were good parts of the movie. There was good music to really get you into the movie. But as star studded and as good as acting as there was, the movie was lacking "umph." Granted it is a told story that everyone knows, but the writers coulda conjured up a little more drama. The only thing I remember from the movie is the Ms Puerto Rico (hello to my highschool Bronx days) and the naked ladies who cut the coke and the fact that it was long as hell. Oh and there some mean afros. Main take away point...be glad you didn't live in Harlem 3 decades ago. Between the local jargon and the projects...I woulda done coke too. Alot of Coke. 30 Days of Night. Now you know I appreciate a good vampire movie's on any given night, but this one was really good. I definetly jumped, more due to the loudness than anything. My question is, why would you live anywhere that got dark for an entire month? You are just asking for some crazy stuff to happen to you. And you are giving it thirty days to occur. And it was cold as hell there. Hartnett, plays a somewhat believable cop....usually a role held by Mr Denezel Washington...troubled, divorced and in anguish.That is, until he and his ex wife have to battle a nomadic vampire cult that is a little rough around the edges. Through the movie there are lost limbs, crazy vampire children and multiple points that you just feel bad for the people in the situation. Overall lesson...if you cant beat them join them. And then put your hand through thier skull. You win.

The Tube: Did anyone see the preview to the next episodes of Real World this past Wednesday? It was that semi cool guy, not Cuhutta (who I am glad they cut his camera time, cause his voice drives me mad) sitting in a chair and he says, "Sometimes I see birds...and when I see black birds, that means someone has died." And then there is s special effect of a bird flying through the screen, they flash all the roomates individually and then cut to a shot of multiple black birds flying across the sky. I mean...what..huh...,LOST? Huh. I could not wrap my mind around what that preview could actually mean. Can't wait for the next Challenge. Lets go MTV. America's Smartest Model. Genius. I Love NY. Tailor Made was real shook when that big black guy was in his face. My man was shaking....and rightfully so. They called a guy Gay on national TV. Not cool. And why hasn't she brought Chance back yet? On another note, lets all do a little dance for the return of Project Runway. Hours of endless re watchable entertainment. Hours. Kid Nation...I'm starting to think that you are completely scripted, some of the vocab some of these kids use at 8 years old, I learned after college. That little Boston girl can sing though . "You betta Sang" [snap fingers in the air and do S roll with neck]. Ummmmm. House. I am going to need to you nail down your base cast. I mean, I AM all about picking up a hot girl here and there, but you are like halfway through your season and there are 55 different characters with 58 different story lines. Heros...eh, its alright. AND I am still trying to catch Nip Tuck.

I think that is it. For now...muahahahahaha.

Pork Fried Ghost.

Hahahahah, that is a funny ass title. I am funny. Anyway, this ad from Thailand.




So, you need lights, cause there are crazy ass ghosts in Thailand. There is something there. Especially if you can ignore the clear cultural divide and horrible graphic.

Blah.


BTW. Check out Guinness's new Expensive Ass Ad from BBDO subsidiaries- as i like to call them. Same director as the man who made the Bravia Ball Commercial. Always liked that commercial.

Beep me 911.

Just continuing the self incriminating posts that convey how absolutely absurd I and my daily life are. No worries...read on, don't be scared.

Setting Goals. "Do you ever wonder why fetuses (feti?) don't do well with stairs? It's like their kryptonite. " This is what I asked someone today after seeing a picture of an 8 limbed child on msn news. Yesterday, someone asked me why I didn't like brown cloths and my response, without hesistation, was "Cause it's too close to the color of poop." An hour ago, upon discussing an Arab Jewish trader in my office and feeling sorry for the lack of x-mas in his life, I came up with a new color for crayola called...."Jew Blue."

I feel like these are the quotes that accurately describe the processes that go through my mind. This is how my brain works. Is this good or bad? I was discussing marriage with my parental unit...it was a deep convo, I guess, inwhich I was asked to estimate the age I would get married. When I replied with a "Probably Never" she was shocked and appalled. But I look at it this way..... if the concepts and doings mentioned in the first paragraph are a daily occurrence, what are the odds that I will find someone who is as nutty as I am (and hot)? Probably close to nill, I'd say.

If I were a girl, which I am not...I wouldn't date me. I would hook-up with me...but not date. I'm insane....and a girl would have to be 20 times more crazy to want to spend her life with me. Besides, we all know I get bored real easily...so with that in mind here are my only goals for the future. A Career which allows me to use the term "Jew Blue" at will and without judgement. A child...with 4 limbs (knock on wood) and an extensive wardrobe of none poop brown. In between those life goals, there will be a lot of tequila and rum shots and even more jack and cokes. That's all I can promise you right now mum(that's British for Mom, ya know). So I told her that, and she called me an idiot. FYI-She is coming to Chi-town in a week and a half. I hope this place is ready to be shook to the ground.

Achilles Heel. My roommate, Kellen tore his ACL and now has to go in for surgery. I would like to tell you that he is a substitute training facilitator for a professional sports team, and while he was running drills with the big dogs, taking hits like a champ and scoring on some of the highest paid and regarded professional athletes...in the world when he tore his ACL. Or maybe that he was cage fighting in Brazil, sparring with John Claude Vandam (sp?)-the one from the late 80s-and he took a brutal beating from a large Asian man with a head band. But alas, that would be a bit of a stretch, he actually landed on his knee wrong after a sloppy Fred Flinstone Heel Click.

Yeah, I know...not the best way to go. It's like a trained ninja getting a leg cramp. Sad. And a little pathetic. He has requested a new ACL from a black man...which should have 2 effects; 1- We will be awesome at Basketball / less good at Ice Hockey. 2- He will have to come down to the south side with me when I get my hair cut next time. But on the real, you guys should keep him in your prayers, or spiritual sessions or after hours...wherever you do your inward reflection.

*Note*Me and my roomate-Kelly- are already planning a cruches obstacle coarse which we will set up in the living room. It will be called "Disabled Gladiators 2007", tights and all. To sign up contact me. If you don't have my contact...you probably do not know me well enough, and its better that way.

What am I? I got called a hipster last night.
The definition of a hipster is....a person in their teens to 20s who generally listen to indie rock, hang out in coffee shops, shop at the thrift store and talk about things like books, music, films and art. So, I began thinking about my everyday life. I was at a live music rock bar on a Wednesday night-hanging out. And I did see American Gangster (which we will discuss at a later date) on opening weekend. I read. Like art to an extent. But on the other hand, I shop at the Gap (never a thrift store, unless it is halloween), I drink Dunkin Donuts...which is basically a drive though-or should I say walk through. I like the song Indie Rock and Roll by the Killers, but I can only assume that they are an indie rock band, b/c they have a song by that name. Here is another definition of hipster;

.......in present day slang has developed distinct negative connotations, including: identifying that a person may be superficially following recently mass produced, homogeneous, urban fashion trends, overly concerned with their image and the contradictions of their identity, potentially anorexic, disingenuously appropriating a pseudo-artistic image or "a collage of other urban identities" from the past, or simply an elitist. Similar to other social groups, hipsters have been accused of exercising peer pressure to persuade other members of the group to adopt certain attitudes and ideas (e.g., that the music of Steely Dan lacks soul). Though many hipsters are seen to identify strongly with the perceived rarity and exoticness of their particular fashion and tastes, the phenomenon of moving into city centers and adopting "new" urban attitudes toward fashion, design, and culture is currently a major social trend and is the subject of numerous reality and home improvement television shows. Often in its negative connotation, 'hipsters' are considered apathetic, apolitical, and self-entitled by other, often marginalized sectors of society they live amongst, including previous generations of bohemian and/or "counter-culture" artists and thinkers.- Wikipedia

Like a few months ago I was called a Yuppie (Young Urban Professional). I considered myself somewhat preppy back in the day. I do employ a considerate amount of peer pressure, but who doesn't. I am definitely not part of any counterculture. And is there really anyway to live in America today with out being a representation of a collage of past styles, trends and identities. This isn't Norway. Frankly...I am confused. Like every other American, I would like fit neatly into a class system or social construct, and there are so many things being thrown out and about, how is a young black man suppose to know who he is? Do you know ahat you qualify as?

So I have decided to make my own Social Construct Labeling System. It will be in a later blog, because I need time to consider accuracy instead of the usual discrimination and hate propaganda that I enforce so willingly . Or at most.....I need time come up with cool names for each social class. And please...no comments about individualism and crap like that. This is America...if you are a true orginal with no group...you are probably considering pipe bombing your highschool.

Side Note: My roommates and I are starting a Band called "the bathtub incident" and our first single is "the drawbacks of button flies"

Me: Kazoo, recorder, back-up vocals

Kelly: Triangle, Dancing (Skanking) and screaming randomly

Kellen: Lead Singer

Matt: Drummer

-THAT IS ALL FELLOW READER
on with your daily boring lives. This party is over.

Quote of the Week:

" [Marijuana] is not a drug. It's a leaf." - Arnold Schwarzenegger in GQ Magazine

of the biblical type.

If there was more than one man named Jesus in the room, would I call them "Jesi"? Just wondering.......

Yo Gabba Gabba.

Found out about this new this new kids show on Nick. Point blank it's ridiculously scary, with about a teaspoon of trippy on the side. It (and it alone) will be the downfall of mankind. In my opinion.

It's called Yo Gabba Gabba. Don't ask me what the premise is.....Just watch and try to figure it out for your self.

Overview.

Elijah Woods cameos.

Biz Co-Stars. He has a standing segment on the show inwhich he teaches a new beatbox beat a day.....[seriously]


This is kinda an extension of my earlier blog about the cartoons that made me the man I am today...or at least large boy. While I may have thought Ducks could indeed talk and there was an alternate dimension inwhich little Asian guys fought , as a child I never would have never succumb to such silly foolishness.....especially with that crazy looking host (i.e. Michael Jackson in the Wiz ,far left).


And while some may say it is cruel and heartless of me to slight the entertainment/muses of an entire upcoming generation, I say..... seriously, if Barney never had a chance in my eyes, this show is a complete joke. Someone give me $100,000, I can make a kids show too. And it won't involve the premeditated future inclination to purchase glow sticks and pop E at a rave. Promise!


This right here...is funny!

Believe.

Mccann Erickson drops some seriouse epic spots for Halo 3.







Do you see what's going on here. I do. Taking a product, their niche of a consumer and blowing it out. Gettin into thier world and useing it. Well done. Well done, indeed.

Believe in advertising. I cannot wait to finally get into this industry.

American Dreamin- Jay Z

hotness.

alphabatize it and it will be better.

"S"

After 20 minutes of S-Curl burning, 10 minutes of styling, a trip to the south side and one or two cranberry vodkas...I have finally achieved a look I am comfortable with. Bring it on Chicago....bring....it....on.




I will now take this city on by storm....or atleast heavy fog.

gold star.

though I was against everything Halloween this year....this costume is hYsterical.

line of cocaine....surrounded by prisoner and D & G model(i guess).

lol...cocaine IS funny.

headlines read, oh so important stuff...

Homosexual Activity . Check this story about the luxurious paradise that is Dubai. You know, the Persian hot spot with all those million dollar islands that form the world, architectural wonders and an o so progressive tourist scene. News flash......it's still a third world country.

In short, a french student accepted a ride from a native (who also went to his school); instead of taking him home they toke him to a dark alley to rape him. Upon reporting it to the cops, the raped boy was charged with homosexual activity, discouraged from pressing charges and had to leave the country to avoid getting arrest, for- uh...getting raped. Not recognizing male rape, in all fairness, they do a term "forced homosexuality" in which some one can be sent to prison for up to 2 months. They, the country, then ignored the boy and the french government.

This sounds like a lovely vacation spot. Maybe I will go here, on my honey moon, if I am lucky! Did I say honeymoon... I meant torturous death in hell.

(P.S. this is one of my major fears, going to an acclaimed tourist haven, only to be traumatized by subculture shenanigans and evil doers with accents. This guys first mistake, was hopping into a car with a stranger.)



Lesbians have tear ducts too. I swear. In fact power lesbians, according to recent studies, seem to be the easiest egg to crack. Apparently, all you need is a dog. Kids. And enough irrationality and irrelevancy to fill an eco friendly two car garage(condoms excluded). If you havn't seen it click here. The skinny is, she adopted a dog, then gave it away, hence violating the "adopted dog contract." In response, the adoption agency, took the dog back. There were kids or something involved as well. No matter the case, Lesbians are cool in my book. The Lebanese government...not so much, but Lesbians...I like. Especially dancing lesbians. Dance on Ellen, dance on. BTW, there's no crying on TV. Oprah, would never....


The Twist: Apparently, this is like the 10th time Ellen has done this...broken the animal adoption law and what not. So, "they" where fed up and decided to act....and now they are out of business. Ellen, caring fundamentalist or stupid overzealous animal abuser- you choose. I mean, whate evr the case....she is still an awesome dancing lesbian. Did I mention that already.

Umbrella. According to sources, Rihanna's semi hit/hated song Umbrella was orignally meant for R&B queen Mary J Blidge. She was quoted as saying saying, "I had too much on my plate...but Rihanna did her thing and made that song a hit."
We all know I have an unaquited love for the Umbrella..ella, ella, eh, eh, eh song....but could you imagine how different that song woulda been if MJ did it. She woulda been talking about her cheek scar and all that rain and drama in her life. It woulda been a hit as she rifted up and down the scales, Real soulful. And then Jay woulda been on it. I woulda been like "Holler, NY and that Umbrella." It woulda been a revolution mang. But no.....instead we have a forieghner giving us some shallow ass "ellas." What does this teach us? It is indeed raining and pouring....when MJ dismisses a song, you need to scoop it the fuck up. Fact.

Halloween, Celeb Style:

So as I denounced the holidays due to personal reasons and lack of funding, the rich did it up big.

Kate Beckinsdale as: Slutty Devil

Paris Hilton as: Slutty Alice in Wonderland

Heidi Klum (Seal) as: Cat Thingy?



















Seinna Miller as : Oh wait, she isn't in costume. NIP SLIP! Hahaha




Overall Lessons learned:
1. "Slut" is and will always be acceptable for ALL (regular, famous and not so regular) women to dress as on Halloween. The key is...you gotta act like you are something else, with a side of slut. 2. Hiede Klum has finally pooped that baby out and is back to here old self, thank the gods. And body suites DO work for her. 3. Nip slips are always funny, especially when you are not dressed up in a costume. 4. Dressing up make you look stupid.

Happy Halloween. I'm so glad it's over. On to the realer holidays.




Superior Monkeys. One of the world's most awe-inspiring mammals died yesterday from natural causes. Washoe, the sign languaging chimp. Now, when I say chimp, you are probably thinking Speed Racer, or Magilla Guerrilla...or Curious george. But no, this monkey...I mean chimp, was far more relevant and useful and real. Clearly smarter than myself- I signed. Like, he could speak to death people. I'm surprised this little guy wasn't in area 54 with the transformers. Anyway, I felt like giving him some love .....R.I.P.


Robert Goulet dies. Actor, singer, entertainer and hilarious commercial star, Goulet died yesterday Oct 30th. Truly hip, in all senses of the word...he will be missed. Hats off to a truly non-traditional man. R.I.P.



B-Day. Where the f*ck is Beyonce's hair? OMG, I am pretty sure I have lost all sexual attraction to this women. She now looks like my little cousin Brandon. And I am not a pedophile. You hear me Beyonce...I am not a pedophile.

Aren't you rich?

And finally, Brittany is still retarded. Rumors, rumors, rumors. She is trying to have another baby. She lost custody and visiting rights of her kids. She has cocaine parties the same night as her loosing custody of her kids. Still not wearing underwear in public, yet straddling like a cowboy as she gets out of cars.

I really have nothing to say here. Actions are the pantomime of words. And there is a god damn Shakespearean play occurring in her head right now. I only wish I knew someone like this. Someone so messed up, that I automatically feel better about myself when I am around them. If only.......

{one fist in the air} Live on Brittany, Live on.









-FIN