tom, who?

This fine specimen of a man is the one and only Tom Brady back in 2000. I dont want to play him....but, if the NFL is looking for the next star quarter back....they may want to knock on my door.

My obvious qualifications:
1- I can stand in a marked off square on the floor...even on one leg if you dare me
2- I can look frumpy and awkward in droopy grandpa underwear too
3- I have an "in-e"...cause everyone know "outties" cant throw the pig skin for shi....


If this all works out in my favor...you all will have the good fortune of meeting my future wife _________ (insert model with silly accent here). And I will give you free tickets to all my games. And there will be cheesecake involved. I promise.

for you green freaks.

At first I saw this funny little video which made people (naked people) into Penguins to promote the decline of using artificial heat to warm yourself . You know...to save the environment and stuff. At the end it tells you to go to:

dothegreenthing.com....where they provide you with better solutions than I guess, turning on the heat when you are cold.

Solutions:

1- Drink some warm tea and cuddle.

or

2- Leave your office or home (w/ heat off) for a pre-planned group hug with complete strangers and then go back to ypur cold ass place.

So, when the gangrene sets in, these two solutions should be able to save your life. Good luck! (In the mean time I am going to go buy a new gas powered heater).

go green. and a little brown.

A Low Impact Woodland Home.

These five words should act as code for...you are about to buy a HOBBIT HOUSE. I just thought I would warn you...with property values being what they are these days, mistakes are deadly. But, if you are looking to build yourself a handy dandy hermit midget house, I found just the place for you.

Did I say midget...I meant house for upstanding normal people. Normal people who purposely want to live in the side of a hill. Like....trolls. And gnomes (named David). And people from those European countries.

Did I mention that the house is in...the ground.

shut-up.

"Where The Wild Things Are"...an acclaimed children's book from back in my day is apparently being made into a movie. "Shut-up!" Nope...I am as serious as an asteroid set for a dead on collision with Earth and the end result being your death. And you would be so lucky...as to die...instead of being forced to be alive for the making of this movie. Don't we all recall when that book was always the only one left on the shelf at the book sales in grade school? I do. I think they should consider making Animorphs instead. Who can I talk to about this? Jesus perhaps?

Universal Pictures and Hasbro have announced a six-year partnership that will produce at least four films based on the following games: Monopoly, Candy Land, Ouija, Battleship, Magic: The Gathering, and Stretch Armstrong. "SHut-up!" I will not. I mean...I think they should go one step forward (I'm thinking about the future of American entertainment here) and purchased the rights to the following games as well.: Jenga. Uno. Tag. and Peek-a-boo. All thrilling plots with a great twist at the end. Whap Whap!

What do Ryan Reynolds, Taylor Kitsch, will.i.am, Lieve Schreiber, Danny Houston and Lynn Collins have in common? Well, they are all coming to your house for pictionary and wine party. After they all swap spit in the new Wolverine Movie (X-Men Origins: Wolverine)...insert cool guitar rift here. "SHUT-UP!"...ok, maybe they don't all swap spit. But they are all in the movie as follows...
Ryan Reynolds- Deadpool
Taylor Kitsch (who?)- Ganbit
will.i.am- John Wraith (who?)
Liev Schreiber- Victor Creed (Sabertooth..I think
Danny Houston- Col. William Stryker
Lynn Collins- Kayla Silver Fox
I just realized that I am more of an X Mean as a whole fan than individuals.....I hope this isnt the beginning of a X-Men Origins: _______ series. Like Storm is next...then Iceman.... Though I am excited to see Gambit in live Action who the f*ck is playing him. Wait...who the f*ck is playing everyone else too? And is will.i.am bringing Fergie with him....she can be an Alien extra. It's all right here kids.

BTW......it isn't to late to jump on the Iron Man movie band wagon. We are always accepting new guys. There are a few brief standardized tests, and some (just a lil) hazing....but once you are  in, it's real fun. I promise. Uh huh, ok, wassup SHUT UP!

wed-celeb-day.

A little celeb news on a Wednesday never hurt nobody. Billy Bob (and I've been assured by my roommates that people indeed are named like this in real life) from Varsity Blues is no longer that fat lovable guy that follows around the cool kids. From the looks of it, he doesn't seem to be the cool kid either. I'd say....theater weirdo perhaps. Steve Irwins' kid gets bit by a venemous snake and dies. Karma is a b*tch. Kidding. The kid didnt die....infact, he extracted the snake from his arm and delivered its babies. Impressive for a 4-year old.

Sex, sex, sex. Between the Big Brother scandal and the supposed Gene Simmons sex tape, I dunno whether to type about it or hop on the band wagon and buy a video camera. But, allegedly, Gene Simmons was caught having sex with someone besides his baby momma. Even if its not true, the picture to the right is disturbing enough to know that you must proceed with caution. On big brother 9 (which i just got addicted to thanks to my roommate Kellen), some girl was taped giving head to this guy...in the house. Click here to get to the age confirmation (I have to make sure you are all of age). I mean, it's like completely "college head" (a bobbing sheet on top of a reclined male who is only semi loving it), but the overall idea that one would forget they were being tapped 24 hours by a show called "Big Brother"......kinda makes my head explode. Check out all the big brother sexcapades here. It's alot of information so put on your reading glasses.

Damn, Cassie is lookin real good right here (to the left). L-L-L-Leather, me likey. In contrast Eva Pigford left the house looking like a mixture of african refugee meets dream girls, which is a look only blind people could like and ...my future wifey JLo is also not looking too good at all. I mean, she looks okay for having to bear an alien child in he womb, but unfortunatly 'Almost Doesnt Count'.

Geri Halliwell (Ginger Spice)was recently quoted as saying, “It probably won’t happen ever again. I’m still absolutely blown away that we did more than one show. So right now I’m thinking this is it. This is the last time you will ever get to see this Girl Power, the five Spices on stage as one.” And then my heart sank deep, deep, deep into my chest. Possibly the best part of the Victoria Secret show (next to Hiedi and Seal's breath taking performance [BUZZER]), was them...GIRL POWER? I mean...what was the point? To just toy with my heart. And this is why I cant trust the Brits.

Ewwwwww, did yall hear about how Deelishish got played by Flava Flav (neck roll)? Well, I heard...he just wanted another season on VH1...lookin for money ish...he dont care about no love. Riiighhhhht. That's a big surprise Deelishish. You look like a man. Who would pick you for anything but to be a head liner at a strip club called "BIG ASSES R US".



Ok...I'm out of stuff. I mean, it IS only a Wednesday.




-A-Town Down.

black or white.

I figured that since we are halfway through Black History Month (bet yall thought I forgot), I'd post this little reminder of a video. Eleven minutes of pure racial harmony, panthers, skinny Tyra Banks and child stars. Just as Malcom X woulda wanted it.



I promise to hit you up with something more meaningful, later on in the month.

Chow.

nude mean girl.

So, after I was told that I could not post nudy pics of miss Lohan on my blog, because it was in appropriate, I took another angle. A classier one if you will. Here, Lindsay pays homage to the late great Marilyn Monroe in a recreation of the the blond bombshell's last photo-shoot. Why? Who knows... (perhaps simply too much free time)but if you want to see some large freckly boobs, click here.

Or here.

Here is the thing about art Lindsay...you are not it. And the obscene freckles...not so much Sorry.

PS- In other news, the talented ms Allen (Liliy Allen) uses her new talk show on BBC as a vehicle to promote hidden talents. Bravo, bravo...it's too bad you have that silly accent.

Hillary Clinton. Obama Song.

If you dont laugh at this, you're a Nazi. FACT.

just a few (10) things.

1. Britney Spears Inside an America Tragedy. Alright...so I didnt know that magazines were allowed to do things like this, unless the former star was indeed former...as in dead. I just saw this cover floating around my office and my first thought was 'obit', then I thought 'this is going to be good.' And so it was..... One qoutation."an inbred swamp thing who chain-smokes, doesn't do her nails, tells reporters to 'eat it, snort it, lick it, fuck it' and screams at people who want pictures for their little sisters." And, wait, wait there is more.


2. Hillary has decided that she would make a video too. Apparently, Borack is not the only one that has music video skills.
:ring. ring ring:
"Hello?"
"Yes....mmmhmmmm, yes...I understand"
:hang up:

Hillary, The Jackson Five just called. They want their music video back. Sorry Hillary.



3.Caffeine: A User's Guide to Getting Optimally Wired lists 5 ways to ingest caffeine so that you will get as much out of it as possible. They are 1-Consuming in small frequent amount 2-Playing to your cognitive strengths while wired 3-Playing to caffeine's strengths 4-Knowing when to start and stop again 5-Making sure your caffeine comes from a good source. Read nore about it on your own time....I'm going to inject this sh*t into my veins. Cause that is what they said to do in the foot notes...you know to avoid alzheimers and stuff. This, is my new favorite article.

4. Once you get past the creepy factor, this is a a really good idea. Eye stickers to put on the top of your eye lids....so you could take a nap at work, or when your significant other wants to "talk" or when, you're in a who can stay awake the longest contest. Well, atleast you'll have one part down...now someone needs to invent a turtle neck that stops the crazy sleep head jerks when you are trying to stay awake sitting up.

5. Ummm wtf. Giant Jelly fish. Kill that muth f*cker! Kill his children. And kill his 2nd cousins.....this is why you cant be swimming any and every where. We are too bust marveling at monsters and not taking them out appropriatly so that we can swim unharmed.

6. The only thing better than a nip slip is a nip slip without the slip. Thanks Pamela Anderson...you literally deliver the goods continuously. Keep up the good work.


7. I dont know how I missed this yesterday, but apparently Jane Fonda said the word "Cunt" on Good Morning America. Check it out here. Was she serious? Was it a joke? Who cares really...the words "Bitch" and "Slut" are said on TV all the time, just in a different time slot. Come on america, its 2008. Let a old hoe fucking say cunt. I mean its Jane Fonda for shit sake. Damn it! (5 bad words in 3 sentence...good for me).


8. Thank God the release of "Jumper" is today. Yesssss! Not that I have any interest in seeing it. But atleast will finally stop playing that stupid trailer. I must have seen the exact same traler 55 times, in full. I literally began counting down the days to release in hopes of TV commercial freedom. Even with DVR, the bastard trailer still gets shown. YES! Spider Cronicles....you were getting kinda close as well.


9. In good movie news. A desert. A mystic religous artifact. A whip. What could it be......The new Indian Jones movie, The Kingdom of the Crystal Skull. Holy mother of Mary- Harrison Ford is back and this time with that little kid from Transformers (if only they got his hot co-star Megan Fox too). All past Indie films bring everything to the table. Laughs. Love. Live Action. Betrayal. Whimsicle Nazis. Ughhhh, I am so excited about this...that I will see it with anyone. Anyone.


10. This crazy baby survived a tornado. 11 months old and the only one that lived in his houshold after a tornado straight up demolished his home. Miracle, no? My question...since the baby is clearly a magical being...is, did he go to OZ, and is it stil in 4-color?


p.s. RIP -To the kids and families the suffered in the recent school shootings here in Illinois.

as you wish it.

Photo: Jason Lam

“Reality is the name we give to our disappointments.”

— Mason Cooley

love at a glance.

so I was doing the regular morning routine. Woke up. Turned the tv on to skim the news for weather and daily ongoings. Took a shower. And was getting dressed when I looked up at the 5 day for cast. And was immediatly confused. There seemed to be a bright pink heart on the little blue box representing today. First thought....."what is that, is today some type of national heart disease day?" And then it hit me, that it was indeed Valentines Day today. Whap, whap.

.....................................................................................................

Here are some songs lyrics to really get you in the mood. Remember words are the key to the heart.

Janet Jackson "Feedback"
.....You like it how I work my spine

Got you feeling all hypnotized (hypnotized) 

I gotta body like a CL5 

Make a **** wanna test drive but I'm so on fire 

Flyer than a pelican find another chick better than I don't see her 

Cause my swag is serious Something heavy like a first day period 

Strum me like a guitar blow out my amplifier.....

Closer- Slum Village

There's something I wanted to know, can we get closer?Yeah baby 

Seems like I've waited to know, can we get closer?

Yeah...Yeah Girl you should come up for the week

I'll make you cum from the tub to the sink

Rubbing your feet in a luxury suit

Make sure you come with nothing on just a long shearling

And I'ma make ya toes curl up like there all ???

I'll whisper in your ear, tell ya something

Stick my tongue in ya bellybutton

Reach down below, ya know I'm well sprung

Hit ya from the back to get ya calfs trembling

And pull ya hair 'til its straight, you'll look half Indian....

Do It Again- Jaz Y

You know how Mac come through on the club tip

Everybody real deep on that thug shit 

Cop Cris' spray the club on that thug shit

Cop frisks suits snub in the club quick

Told y'all real high, when I come through

You can try if you want to, you can die if you want to

We hittin whores on the floor, whole crew be wild 

Bitch "Back That Azz Up" like Juvenile (huh)

When my peeps come through to spend a dime a piece

You know Mac come through with a line of freaks

Every bitch on the hit be a 9 at least 

We getting head on the floor, while you grinding freaks

Whole squad get it down like this

Whole squad buying rounds of Cris

Whole squad got they crowns on wrist

Whole squad got a pound of twist

Whole squad got a pound to spit

In case a clown wanna flip.....

Take away: Always speak you mind. Love begins with true communication.

.......................................................................

And in closing...I feel obligated to recommend a sweet little dinner spot for all the lovers out there.

That's right....participating White Castles across the country are inviting you (YOU) and your significant other, moderatly important friend or even complete stranger to a candle lit dinner at yor favorite eating hole.
I dont know about you...but there is no place I would rather be tonight than at white castle enjoying a small square burger, some cheese sticks and a milk shake. If I am really lucky, I will experience a White Castle where the servers are protected by 4 inch thick bullet proof glass and you get your food through a revolving service door. And if Im really lucky.....I'll be in an express one where there are only 2, two seat tables. Ah Romance!

Happy V-Day to All and to All a Good Night!

smart valentine

This is the Valentine I would get my girl, if she existed.

Get it? Its Darwin! Natural Selection....hahahahaha

i hate this, this and that.

do you know what time it is? its time for the semi-not so daily rant and rave. I wish I had some crazy wild music and a camera panning in and out. Oh, and an overdressed game babe. Need one of those too.

1. Locker room antics. The idea of a communal showers (YMCA) has always creeped me out (you have to ask why they couldn't just put up a wall). Steam filled naked male comradery never made it into the top ten of my list of things to do (even when I played sports).....but since I have been going to the gym, I have gotten use to the "idea" of the locker room. However, I would like people to stop blatantly abusing the naked privileges. I understand the basic need to be naked and free, but please...lets not hold a convo while you are drying your private parts. And lets put an end to extended long periods of time standing around butt nekkid. They make the long towels to wrap around your waste..ssssoooo you dont have to share your goods with the world. This is not an episode of "highschool football team (generic)" , wrap it up grandpa.

2. I hate bank of america. They are just a bunch of scam artists. They say what ever they want to you over the phone just to get you to comply(sorta like Delta Airlines), and in the mean time they are sucking money away from you in fees. Overdraft fees are the devil, while over draft protection, is like a little evil elf that moves your money without your knowledge...and then charges you. Ugh...I am so tired of getting duped. I feel like im stuck in some terrorist regime and always getting shafted. Honestly, I would rather you beat me relentlessly to a bloody pulp than you continue to take my money and feed me nonsense.

3. I just cant get it off my shoulder...how Beyonce spoke blatant untruths about singers of the past, and gave undue homage to Tina Turner at the Grammys. She was just name dropping away...Lauren Hill, Aretha, Whitney, Diane Ross and she continued..."There is one legend who has the essence of all of those things: the glamour, the soul, the passion, the strength, the talent," Ladies and gentlemen. Stand on your feet and give it up for the queen."....the "queen" being Tina Turner. Now I coulda care less about the Aretha nonsense...but you cannot so lumping together some of the best voices and talents of our times and then have Tina Turner be the trump card. I love Tina. Love her for all of her 3 hit songs. Loved her in Mad Max and in Ike and Tina...How to Beat Your Wife. And I am not debating her queendom...she is a queen in her own right. But she is NOT the queen of singing and not the queen talent. Fin.

4. I'm done with Chicago and its snow. I get it Chicago. You "own this" when it comes to fucking up people's days. I just want to request...from one brotha to another (cause if Chicago was a person, he'd be a hip black guy with a neatly groomed goatee and a stylish vest) lets calm it down with the snow. The cold, I get...it's winter. But the snowing all the time has to come to an end. We are not in Alaska....and I am not equipped mentally for repeated days of snow. If I turn into a psycho killer, tis your fault.

5 There are a few things that everyone (in my opinion) should be in love with. They are: Puppies, Pizza, The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and the song "Umbrella" by Rihanna and Jay Z. If you currently do not like all of these, I would like to inform you that it is never too late to change. Quit your communist ways and come over to the light side. The right side.


Luv, Shaun

cold blooded.

Damn Jamie Foxx!


How cold you is?





You so cold brotha, u make an ice-cycle jealous.

4-inches of pure solid-like gold.

So, I'm on this kick now, where award shows are starting to tickle my fancy again. I care enough to post blogs about them, and then ontop of that watch them. I watched the Grammys last night. The whole 18 hours of it. And I was entertained...on many levels. Here is a complete list of the winner, if that is the sorta thing your into.

My top moments Grammy Moments of 2008....


1. Beyonce and sister (gimme a second and I'll remember her name) still being dressed by their momma. And the result is.....tacky. I hate to say it, but if I had a giant red buzzer that controlled a door to a pit of african mutant space alligators, I woulda pressed its continuously, restlessly and vigorously for everyone involved in morbid muffin lady's and princess hobo's looks...(hair, make-up, biological parents, god parents, pets....).


2. Ella, ella, eh, eh, eh. Under my umbrella. Rihanna and Jay Z win best collaboration or something. Jay seemed unimpressed. Rihanna was thanking Barbados [record scratch]. Whaaaaa.....


3. The blatant cockiness of Kanye. He literally told the makers and producers of the show to cut the music off when they were trying to get him off the stage. Now maybe this wasnt that big of a surprise to some, but keep in mind, the last time I watched an entire award show, it began with B. Spears consciously singing, dancing and holding a snake simultaneously, and then living to talk about it w/out a coochie flash. Come on Kanye, its the same rules as it was 49 yr ago, let alone last year- if you had something to say about your momz, you shoulda said it at the beginning of the speech. Dont be arrogant, because you wont be hot forever...infact, I'll give you another 5 years tops, before your begging to be on Brit's new album. And your date wasnt even that hot. Bleh!

4. Tina and Beyonce. No, no I, II, and III. I- Beyonce saying that Tina Turner was better than Whitney (I believe she defined Houston as having 'Melody')....where is my giant red buzzer? Presss, presss, preeessssssss. II- Tina's silver spaghetti strap jump suite...your like 70 Tina...the wheels do NOT keep on rollin, they infact NEED to be reinforced and covered up. And silver, not quiet your color Tina. III Tina dancing with Beyonce, she missed a few moves towards the end...but I was impressed (click the pic to link up) . If I was 70 something, I don't think I wouldve picked Beyonce as the person to dance with on stage. I'd probably pick a fictitious character like Fred Flinstone or the Snorks.

5. I also like how Kanye was the subject of 2 snide remarks, when he wasn't even on stage. Some country dude asked him "if he ever had a Beatle give him an award"...and then said "im joking." Usher did not end his stab like that. When he said "Winning isnt everything, Kanye," and he meant it. Kanye, kanye, kanye...modesty will keep your name out of peoples mouths. That's a little something your momma never taught you. Eh, eh and a whap whap.

6. Areatha, Areatha, Areatha. Who told you it was ok to wear spaghetti straps? You are too big to and too flabtastic to be doin that. You know I love you...but you committed a no no. You shoulda took all the shawl business and wrapped it around the whole top of your body. I'm talking straight jacket style. You woulda even looked better with a long (and extra wide) white T on.

7. The Amy Winehouse performance. Hello, who told her that she was all better? They were fibbing. Poor girl was convulsing, and shaking and touching herself. It was all really sad. She wasnt in the US because her visa wasnt right...not that home court advantage helped-but the lack luster crowd supported her all the way through her horrendous performance. And the back up dancers looked like they were from prison (perhaps the same prison as her hubby Blake...er, tmi, Amy, tmi...I'm gonna guess he was a drug dealer, no?). Eh, I dont see what's so great about the girls music anyway....i heard her entire album sounded the same. That's word. lol. The Brits scare me, but she did clean up at the Grammys. And hey...Kanye likes her, so.....

8. Disappointing. No Justin Timberlake. A single tear ran down my cheek. It got caught up in my beard, so the effect...unfortunatly, wasn't all that dramatic.



Other Honorable Mentions: Alicia Keys tore it up singing with Old Blue Eyes (scary) and she was looking real hoodish while she performed her hit single (hot) / Kid Rock was scat singing, obviously as a result of the writers stike / the dueling pianos and orchrastra that played the song from Tom & Jerry (that sgiuld show you how classy I am) was really good / Foo Fighter did a good job performing....outside....... / Fergie actually didnt make a fool out of her self singing while John legend played the piano...she was decent / Will.I.am did however make a fool out of himself / Josh Groban thought it comfortable to place his hand on another man's lower back for the entirety of a song....strange, or normal...hey its opera / Tom Cruise was NOT there....making the place completely Scientology free, phew!!!!