thank the gods I dont live in Maine.

Oh Bethel, Maine. Bless your heart for your addiction to the only "happening" thing going on in your state.

Meet THE SNOW WOMAN!

Really? A Live Webcam?

A Fit Breakdown.

Celebrity Fit Club. I knew I should have been watching it. And I will from now on. Almighty TV Gods....please forgive me.



She doesn't need "class". What she needs is a cheese burger....all that dieting is going to her head.

four day holidays.

Ok, I feel so behind. I have been gone for 4 days...count it. I even missed my Friday funny (because I did not have time to look for it).

In the mean time, while I gather the information needed to entertain the masses...I want to wish your guys a Happy Irish Day. Or days, depending on where you live....four separate occasions to be exact. Last Sunday (death served on a plate), this past Saturday and Sunday and for the icing on the cake throw in a Monday... Chicago (even though it is only one day on the calender) had me literally seeing green for days.By the fourth "celebration day" I felt like some one was after my lucky charms. And I just don't give those away for free ya dig.

But anyway, I promise to get some stuff up on this site. I have to keep my readership up. All 5 of you, your a needy bunch.

PS 1: I think I am going to put myself back on the market. So girls...get your resume together. And if you are looking for a man that will be around this summer, its me. My room is mad small, and I need a new/back-up summer pad.

PS 2: Ill be in NY this weekend celebrating the Bunny Egg and such with the Fam Fam. I will only be in town 5 days...and most of them are booked, as I am becoming the God Father to the cutest kid in the world. So, its no big thing. A quick in and out. Except I have no fucking camera. Of course HP cameras cannot be fixed. So it not only dropped last Sunday (at Irish day 1), it died. Leave it to me to buy the only camera in all of Circuit City that cant be fixed when broken.

NY Chinese food...HERE I COME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

DK. Damaged.

corny video. But I am obsessed with these girls. I think they are the new destiny's child (like mid 90s version). But they sing better as a whole.



Forgive my seceret addiction. I will have the album tommorow though. HeeeYo!

Why is puffy actin stupid at the end....?

Yikes!

Copy: Though she was a tiger lady, our hero didn't have to fire a shot to floor her. After one look at his Mr Leggs slacks, she was ready to have him walk all over her. That noble styling sure soothes the savage heart! If you'd like your own doll-to-doll carpeting, hunt up a pair of these he-man Mr. Leggs slacks. Such as our new automatic wash wear blend of 65% "Dacron" and 35% rayon - incomparably wrinkle-resistant. About $12.95 at plush-carpeted stores." "Get yourself a new pair of Mr. Leggs."

This was a real ad in the 60's. Aren't we glad that it is no longer the 60s?
Or are we..........
*insert creepy music here*

just a few (10) things.

1. Multi-taskers raise your hot damn hands. Try this: while sitting on a chair, lift your right foot off the floor and make clockwise circles. Then, while doing that, draw the number 6 with your right hand. You can’t help it: your foot will change direction. Similarly: move your right leg in anti-clockwise circles and simultaneously draw the number 8 with your right hand. Another tricky thing to do: simultaneously rotate the index fingers of both hands clockwise. Do it slowly at first, but then pick up speed. Try to go faster and faster, and pretty soon your two fingers will be going in opposite directions!
I suggest trying all of these at work. If you are like me...with no shame level and a progressively growing lack of "caring", these little tricks could make you the new cool kid at your respective jobs. Or atleast waste 5 minutes of the 8 hour day.

2. Magical Christians....unite. Mr and Mrs Bubbles are here to tell you all about the Fellowship of Christian Magicians.

What should you expect? :
Fulfilling God’s mission through your Gospel Magic;
Following God’s command through your Chalk Drawings;
Rejoicing in God’s favor through your Ventriloquism & Storytelling;
Marveling at God’s Grace when children respond to His call through you Clowning;
Revealing God’s glory through your Puppetry;
Expressing God's beauty through the art of Face Painting;
Declaring God’s word through Drama & Juggling;
Delighting in God’s way through your Balloon Artistry; . . . Pledging our ministry to God.

3. Here is a general rule of thumb. Black face, is STILL not ok...Robert Downey Jr. Though you do make one hell of an authentic black guy. Still...very, very wrong. If you weren't in that awesome looking Iron Man movie, I would be peeved.

4. Real Life Flipper. In other breaking news...hamster makes one hell of a pancake. Nawww...Im just joking. Albinos don't make pancakes.

5. Ummmmm, the Sun reported the presence of a terrorizing gnome in a small town in South America. I know, I know....you are thinking, its a midget. But watch the video. If that doesn't creep you out, you would be a nice addition to the Marines. it's like that one scene in that M Knight Shamamamamamalamamnon movie about aliens with Mel Gibson. You know, when the Alien goes to the birthday party uninvited. All he wants is some ice cream cake.

6. Want a crazy hippie Monster Bag made from yarn and named Gertrude? Well there you go. I'm pretty sure my pal Maya would really go bananas over this. Not that she is a crazy hippie. But she may be a Hip Crazy. Maya, as an avid reader...this one is for you. See...I'm good to my readers.

7. Ok, so i like cartoons. Which means....you gotta hear about it. But seriously, deviant art just became my new favorite obsession. It makes me want to draw again. Like really, really badly. This guy is soo good. Sorry for getting all cartoony on you.

8. This is what happens when you let copy writer get too cerebral with your shit. Vasectomy ads made for March maddness fans.

Radio Spot:

"When March Madness approaches you need an excuse ... to stay at home in front of the big screen. Get your vasectomy at Oregon Urology Institute the day before the tournament starts. It's snip city."

Insert Balls joke here ___________________. _______________.

9. Are you an artist or a trades person? What about prom night or special evening out? What about Animation?

What about it? Where can I find someone to do it? This video doesn't tell me. I just want to know where that hot blond chick got her dress from. What about that?

10. I found genius creative.

Giant interactive colon!

Yes please.

Janet Jackson. Rock With You.

This is more like the Janet i know and love.



Some throwbacks, I personally love.

All for You , Together Again, Anytime Any Place, What's It Gonna Be (this on is for Kelly)

and all of the Velvet Rope album....still one of the best CDs I have ever experienced. Wlecome back Janet. Welcome.....

a different perspective.

Isn't this a fun little photo. I practically hate my life right now...but this made me feel better. It's so light and effortless. Visit David Shrigly. All of his stuff seems really obscure and ironic. Other ones I really like: Hate and Landmine. I dare to ask...what do you think? Too obscure??? I feel like copying...I mean, emulating.

peta strikes again.

One may actually think that Jenna Jameson is not the perfect spokes model for Peta. But lets all really think about it for a sec. Jenna, would probably rather wear nothing (or pleather) rather than wear fur. Infact she would probably rather be naked than wear fur. And this is good for PETA.

Other things jenna would probably rather do:

1. take it in the rear from this guy

2. have a threesome with polar bears tripping on ecstasy

3. give oral pleasure to dictator putin

4. dress like a blue headed alien and make out with earth women (just some movie i saw)

5. play hopscotch with Al Quida, in a land of rainbows where the grass is made out of cotton candy and love

So yeah...overall Peta really did do a banger of a job here. I can only imagine who is next.

Jenna Quote : “If you’re not able to provoke thought, then what are we really here for?”

My Answer: To get paid for having sex on camera and promote a fur less, but pleather filled existence. Duh!

i love science.

and I know you do too. That is why I am posting these picture to keep you abreast with what is happening with our young people today. Let their bright open minds shine. This is our future.

Ok, I have some theories as to what exactly moon babies are.....ok, I actually don't have a clue as to what this kid is talking about. But doesn't it sound mildly racist?

Cystal Meth: Friend or Foe. I'm pretty sure it is foe. Remind me, when/if I become a parent, to make sure my kids dont walk out of the house with something for school that could embarrass my family name. Just, send me a memo (btw, for a meth head...the one in the yellow is kinda hot, no?). The Code of the Meniscus. I would atleast have some care in what he is talking about if that gnarly sweater didn't demand all of my attention. All of my cognitive is used up.

Exreme Wood. Either this kid is a wise ass...or the entire education system as we know it is a joke. I want to make a board titled, "Dangerous Head" or "Cockalicous (Roosters)."
This kid knows all about animal magnetism. I'm sure all the girls are lining up infront of his basement door waiting to play Dungeons and Dragons and caress his pubescent moustache. Mmmmm.
Global Warming- Yeah Right! We need oxygen to breath- Yeah Right! Dogs can't speak- Yeah Right! Gravity-Yeah Right!

This is our future....only marginally worse than all of my science projects.

the name of the game is fame.

This will be brief. Halle, Halle, Halle. I was reading an article today, which was making fun of her for being preggers for so long when I came across the fact that she is not married to the baby daddy, but merely dating him. I just wanted to make a PDA regarding the lack of marriage that is going on today. Bravo and kudos. If you are gonna knock up a famous person...it is best to not have and binding paper work(ie Brit and Kev.). Forget about an engagment ring and that...uhhh, what do you call it?...promise stuff; just knock them up. BTW, I did not know that Kimora Lee Simmons and Blood Diamond star Djimon Hounsou were dating. I mean...does Russel know? If not, he will know when she poops out an african baby. It's gonna be like Kunta Kente (or Tobe, depending on who you are rooting for) meets Jet Li or The Roots meet Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon. Genius. Genius. Genius. And listen...if Russel doesn't know...I wouldn't take a million dollars to be that person to tells him. He is kind of intimidating...like in a Dad way. Actually, I am afraid of him. Wouldn't it be funny though, if Baby Phat started making customizable bedazzled spears. You know...to hunt wild boar in the hood looking "mad hot son". Eliot Spitzer for president. I dont know about everyone else, but I much more enjoyed the first stories that broke saying that this NY governor was "running" a sex ring. Instead he just participated. Whap whap! What happened to the good old days when politician use to be able to get away with anything they wanted. I think he was just trying to do his wife a service. He respects her so much... that he would rather import a whore from across country, than skeet all over her face. Admittedly so, it is hard being both a good husband and politician. Remember that time when the new Gnarls Barkley video was banned from MTV because it failed the "causes epilepsy test." I watched it...and almost immediately fell into an epileptick. Thank the gods I had some orange juice around. What? Wait....huh? I think you should try it...make sure you open this link in a new window and erase your browser history first...I cant have the FBI busting in my door every time someone dies of boredom and lameness. If anything, the video will leave you in need of an aspirin.

Ok, that is all I got for now. Go about your boring Tuesdays and dont you worry, I will be back.

so close.

Dru Hill decided to get back together yesterday on the radio....wait, I mean three out of 4 were down for the count, Woody....not so much.




Whether it is real or not, throughout the entirety of the clip, I couldnt help but to wonder what color Sisqo's Hair Was.I know yall were too.

indusrty beef.

Reporter: "I was your boss once."
Anchor: "Yeah, you were and are no longer. How did that happen?"

***Ding, Ding, Ding***
***KNOCK-OUT***

southside.

things to NOT do the Sunday before work:



-decide that you will celebrate the South Side Irish Day Parade in Chicago with the roommates (especially when they are clearly not working the next day, and you are)


-start drinking cheap whiskey out of a coke bottle at 9am in the morning while on a school bus going down to the south side


-continue drinking whiskey and cokes throughout the entire morning and early afternoon (at one point standing directly infront of a liquor store like a hobo)

-hop out of the bus on the south side, not knowing where you are or how, where and when you are going to get picked up

-bring your digital camera to a drunken parade, ensuring its timely demise due to 6ft drop to the ground via the hands of others

-stand in a line for the use of alley for public urination.

- take shots from the sketchy flasks of random people (also know as strangers) - bonus points if you dont ask what it is that you are drinking

-talk religion and beliefs to your roommate's friend from home (for the second time that weekend...each occurring after bouts of drinking)

- drunkenly spend $10 on Irish paraphernalia that you will never wear again ever in your life. Oh and don't forget that you purchased it off of some man's lawn

- finally get home at 4pm to merely take a nap and get up to go back out

- then stay out drinking and socializing until 4am knowing full well that you have to go to work in a few hours




NOTE: This is a full and complete list of things to do that will ensure you have the worst work day of your life. From me, to you. I almost puked 4 times while writing this blog.

genius ads.

Stop eating thier Bananas!






Agency: Saatchi Stockholm.

The funny thing is that I have a Banana on my desk that I was saving for after I work out at lunch. Talk about ad planning and market research. Poor monkies.