poor unfortunate ad.

Not so fabulous placement.

hip-hop.

everyone, and I mean everyone should be allowed to share thier expereince with the world through the musical stylings of rap. Not just kids from the hood and/or black people.
it's only fair....

i take that back. Lets leave the lyrical genius to the black folk.

the dance of the video.

I know we already did the Friday funny. But I would truly feel like less of a person if I didn't share this with you. One must ask themselves...whose idea it was to make this occur. If anything, I should be getting paid to tell people what DOESN'T WORK on national television...or anywhere else. Example: Larry King being taight how to dance by Janet Jackson. Hit that link for amusement.

Janet teaching Larry how to Dance.

Perhaps you would rather the youtube version

Quotes:

"I dont know what I'm doing"

"Ok Janet, Show me a trick"

"Dance, Dance"

"Im a struggling Jew"

OK, now I am gone.

P.S. HAPPY LEAP YEAR DAY!!!!

to all you little kids in grown up bodies....

peliculas.

I learnt that in spanish class.And it is the only word I remember. And now that I think about it, im pretty sure it mean 'magazines'. But whatever, Im really good at art. Anyway...lets get to the movies portion of the program. So, with the highly rated Oscars just passed, I think I should share my opinions on There Will Be Blood. Remember the time when movies had plots? And if there was no plot, at least it was down right entertaining. This movie...had neither of those. Sure, it had a great actor (Daniel Day Lewis)...I will even give props for that...casting brilliance and a great line about milkshakes, but left me thinking...who cares. I was so slow. But at the same time, the music made me really anxious. I felt like I was being experimented on by aliens again (I mean for the firts time). BTW, the movie is about oil. Yep, exciting stuff. Eastern Promises. If you ever wondered what Viggo Mortenson (not the elf) looks like fighting 2 men in a bath house completely butt naked for 15 minutes (aka stabbing men in the neck while his stuff is flopping around), this movie will answer that question for you. It is a really good mob family crime flick, its just that one cannot help but to wonder...exactly how many takes it took (how many hours) and the amount of pure humility it takes for said male actor to get the naked 15 minute fight scene exactly right. I couldn't do it, Id be to busy giving the crew a scientific breakdown of male shrinkage and how "i get no complaints in the bedroom (wink)." I know I am always talking about Iron Man...but this new trailer is kickass. But I honestly do not know how one would not want to see such a kickass movie after such a kickass trailer? Unless of course...you are blind and did not actually "see" the trailer, or you would rather drop $12 on 10,000 BC a movie that apparently (after 6 months of promotion) doesnt have a plot. Its just a man with dreadlocks, a saber tooth tiger and the Egyptian culture tied together under the broad theme of epic cgi movie. If anyone can tell me what this movie is about, I will give you a quarter...a whole quarter from my pocket. On top of everything...Gwynth Paltro is in the Iron Man. Why? Perhaps she lost a bet, but she presence is sure to bring quality and substance to the movie. If not....the simple fact that shit blows up makes me want to see it. I also happened to catch Across the Universe (twice, both times without seeing the end), the renowned 2007 musical consisting of nothing but Beatles hits. And it was, well....very average. And if you know me, you also know my love for musical movies (Mary Poppins, Moulin Rouge etc "What is this etcetera?"-2 quarter for anyone who gets that reference) Dont get me wrong, there were really good parts and great song-cinematography effects, but most of it was either boring, trippy or boring. And at the end...I felt like had been force fed Beatles songs arranged to make a semi interesting period piece for approximately 133 minutes. And then I remembered that I was.

OK, akward abrupt end of blog here.

Byyyeeeeeeee.

green team.

Um, this is the funniest thing Will Ferril has ever done in his life.
"Shake and Bake."

black history. Master P & Son.

remember when I promised you "something more appropriate" to denote the celebration of black history month? It was right after I posted Michael Jackson's "Black or White" video. Well...here it is. Master P and Romeo (no longer lil, literally and figuratively)....ummmm, Black History.




I for one was enlightened. A history lesson from the man who recorded "Make You Say Uhhhh."

BTW Master P's real name is Percy Miller. Percy? Thats real hood.

moments of truth.

If you missed Mondays episode of fox's Moment of Truth- a show committed to seeing how far people will put their lives on the lines for cash- I have compiled a clip recall for you. It easily makes it in to my top 20 moments in TV history. Watch them all...chronologically. It's sad...but then again, not so sad. Kinda fitting actually.



let me rephrase the question.



For all the money in the world.

Whap whap! (BUZZER) The very definition of America.

i need a nap.

Ok...so here is the thing with scaring me sh*tless.... I dont like it in my adverts. Personally. I mean...the truth campaign, I get. Smoking kills. The tobacco industry does it on purpose...and they will do it again - kill, that is.

But at least I am in control of that. Being tired- I am always tired. So...are you telling me in these ever so insightful (terrifying) ads, that I should take an extra hour of sleep a night or die? Cause if so, I may need to talk to my boss.

Oh wait, I take public trans.

Damn.

See the other executions here and here.

Advertising Agency: Clemenger BBDO Wellington, New Zealand

...I wonder is there is a big falling asleep at the wheel problem in New Zealand?

New Tag "Beautiful New Zealand...so boring, you'll die at the wheel on your first drive through."

apparently.

According to msn.com, the following is a list of things a man should never do around a woman. Ahem....I am going to clarify a few things. And seeing as how this list seems as if it where written by a woman...please be ensured that mine...is from a man. Ding! One point for me.

NEVER

Reveal how much your car cost.

I mean, I dont own a car right now...but I would imagine that if i did have to pay to get you (girl) on a train, I have the right and will to drop the price ($2.00...$4 if I gotta pay for her to get home) at any given time. And I expect to be reinbursed sexually later in the night. $ wgole dollars worth of loving coming my way. Mmmmm, mmmmm.

Clean your gun.
My idea of the perfect first date. Really...all thats missing is a little Boston Market and the animated classic...lets say, Alladin.


Polish high school trophies (which you still have displayed).
And if they aren't displayed? Listen hun...the good days are few and far in between. A man is to his trophies as a woman is to her bra. Support is needed in this superficial world. Otherwise there are nip slips and unneeded droopiness. We may not be perky and supple like when we were teens...but we can pretend.


Refer to your mother as your best friend.
...Im pretty sure I came out of her womb. You did not. She can be whatever I want her to be...in my eyes. Mind you beeswax lady/

Rap.
I actually really agree with this one. Unless you are Jay Z or Justin Timberlake (yes, I just made them the same caliber), keep your rhyming words to yourself. In fact take that mantra and apply it to everyday life. Stop trying to sell me your silly cds on the street. Callin me "brotha" cause you think that will automatically build trust and respect (and gullibility-ness) and make me giv you $3 of my hard earned money.... whoa! I lost it there for a second. Sorry.

Check out our assistant/roommate/the baby-sitter.
If they are hot. They are hot. Perhaps you should try...out-hotting them.

Question our footwear.
Well, if you didnt look like the wicked witch of the west....we would have no questions

Blow-dry your hair.
So, we are just suppose to everywhere looking all wet hobo-esk. I mean...I personally do not have a problem with this rule...but if you are dating a man with longer hair than your own, that is completely your fault.

Tip less than 20 percent.
What if the service was crappy? Or what is it is 18% in the state you are in? Or what if you ar ein Europe?

Celebrity impressions.
Impressions are a fickle thing. I think that no one should do impressions, unless they are spot on. Sometimes I try to do a french accent and end up with a Chinese one. If you are good at celebrity impressions...you are probably a giant dork but hey, you gotta play up what you got. "Do Jet Li in Crouching Tiger of the Hidden Dragon...."

Impressions of us.
Ha ha...this is the one truly good thing about being in a relationship. There is always a reliable person around to make fun of. And it so happens, impressions of a girl (any girl really) is one of the easiest and most fun things to do in the world. Like breathing, but with way more satisfaction.

Forget to carry cash.
Would you rather a man with cash or credit? It IS 2008 and these new fangled things called banks give away these thin plastic card things...which act in the place of real cash. Same concept, I swear. And if the location doesn't accept card....we dont belong there.

Flip it, flop it, swing it around, tug on it, adjust it, scratch it, or do anything that will remind us that it's just a goofy appendage and not a mystical source of pleasure and satisfaction.
I am not going to lie...it took me awhile to figure out what was going on in this rule. I KNOW you are not trying to talk about the look of sexual organs. Lets not even go there lady.

Wii.
Wait, I am not allowed to play wii? That's just unamerican. If this is true...I think all woman should be confiscated, locked up and tortured for the whereabouts of Bin Laden. Fact.

Scream—at the dog, at the guy who just stole your parking spot, at Bill Belichick. Because, no matter how much Belichick deserves it (cheater!), when we hear you raise your voice, we have an idea of what we're in for.
Ummmm, I personally am not a screamer. But there cannot be a double standard here. Girls scream. That is in their nature. So...if you can do it to me. I should be able to do it to you. Technically speaking.


Talk about former exploits. Ever.
This is a trick see....(think about that is a old school mob voice). Cause dams are always trying to ask us about ours past. Yous are trickters see.

Use the words bitch, slut, tramp, or whore, unless referring to another man.
HA HA. Im sorry all I can do is laugh. Sooooooo....thats kinda a given. But what if we own a female dog?

Tell us you're going to kiss us. (Just get on with it!)
Ill do what ever I want to you bitch slut, tramp whore who is not a man. "Dueces"

-And Im out.

retro smile.

thanks to this lovely flickr user...I was able to relive a little bit of my cartoon past. This is old old school that brought a smile to my face. It should do the same for you. If not.....sorry about that.

btw....sim sim salabim, IS my new favorite saying.

sexy ads.

Well done. It so...topical...get it?

Agency: Jung von Matt/Alster, Hamburg, Germany

just a few (10) things.

Once again....bored at work. So I decided to do an instalment of "just a few things" which is like my faavvvvvvv.

1. Please take time out of your day to click on the Delicious jelly belly picture/mural made of George Clooney. Apparently it is on public display at the Lux Hotel somewhere in Cali (click it to make it bigger, no homo). Its ok, I mean he didnt even win an Oscar last night. When the do mine...I expect to made of milkduds and caramel....kinda like I am in real life.

2. Jimmy Kimmel makes a comeback to Sarah Silverman's "Im Fucking Matt Damon" video. And, well...he clearly has more star power than her. Please count the celebs (Brad Pitt included). I think it is weird that Jennifer Gardener let him do this...shouldnt he be trying to get a real job to support their family? but I do see the funny. And there is a gay premise...and lord knows America loves the Gays.

3. What exactly is it about Will Ferrel? Why is he allowed to do dozens of movies in a row, inwhich he plays the same role. Will as dentist. Will as archaeologist. Will as street cleaner. And not only does he get paid for it, but he gets perks such as this. I mean....I would willingly go to work everyday if i had benefits like that.

4. Proof that not all Innovation is great. Welcome the Numbrella. Now you can cover your head and shoulder completely in the rain. Cool right? Wrong. Some people dont want to look like dorks when they are moving in public. I AM one of them. Also welcome the Wooden Bike. Genius...so instead of someone stealing a wheel while its chained to a bike rack...they will just light that bitch on fire. Genius.


5. I'll tell you what I am not ok with.....I am not ok with this. And this. Who let these looney tunes out of the hospital for public consumption? Kirsten smoking a cig after some hardcore grocery shopping and Owen presenting awards at the Oscars. Im not really sure why these 2 strike a cord with me...maybe its the fact that Dunst had contact with Tom Cruise as a child hence sealing her fate as an future addict (you know, with scientology and all) or the fact that Owen still hasnt fixed his broken nose...probably the bone marrow finally getting to his brain and fucking up his mind- but these guys...I care about. Stay locked up until your treated, please. Im looking foward to Spiderman 4 and Night at a Museum 2. Really...I am. I luv you guys.

6. BTW, Kate Blanchet...is an awesome actress. Have you guys ever seen Notes on a Scandal? For a potentially extremely boring premise- she was really good. I mean, Judy Dench did play a very convincing crazy person (this is why you cant make friends with strangers)...but Kate had to kiss a 15 yr-old boy. Every young prep boys dream.....lol. Good Sunday watch.

7. Million Dollar Shoes. Ugh, Im disgusted. Even more so that the Juno writer didnt even know she was wearing them. How high brow do you have to be not to realized the proce of the cloths you are wearing? OK DIABLO........

8. Janet has a Sense of Humor?????



9. So according to Details magazine...the Jonas Brothers from.......uhhhhhhhh, I guess the Disney Channel, are vowing chastity until marriage. And while Thier celebredom is of no interest to me, I just want to be the first to call their bluff. Disney stars are not the ones known for keeping it in their pants. I mean...it is a super nobel cause, but lets be serious...even Mickey and Minnie got it on.

10. The most amazing News. According to sources, Chris Brown and Rihanna are dating. I wanted to come up with their celeb name....but I dont think that that is as interesting as discussing all the f*ckin that is going on behind closed doors there. Chris is a horny teen idol. And Rihanna is an island freak. There is gonna umbrellas and and kiss kissin all over the place (that was a much more clever of a line in my head...I promise.)

Oscars.

Who is glad that they watched the Oscars last night?

I know I am and I would like to officially thank the academy for a fun filled 6 hours of .....






No, but seriously...here are some memorable Oscar moments. I clearly don't remember them...there were heavy accents involved...and we all know I don't do those very well.

And here is a sweet comprehehsive list.

augmentation?

vs.

hmmmm, me thinks Megan had some work done. And I liked her more without the boobs. Weird? Anyway...she is still adorable. And by adorable I mean hot on on days, and cute on off days. My perfect girl. Megan Fox.

Blow that Muther F*cker up!

Ok, so I apologize for not staying on top of the news this week...but I figured it is better late than never right....

- Castro resigned from ummmm, dictatorship I guess, the other day. To whom you may ask? His brother. Which is not so much  a resignation as a "tag your it". But the Cuban Americans are happy, right? Which reminds me...how is it Ricky Ricardo got out of Cuba?

- Paula Abdul has a new single....Dance Like There is No Tomorrow . The only problem is, in the video...instead of dancing like there is no tomorrow, she is instead dancing like there was a yesterday. In fact...she is dancing, singing and producing a video as if it were 1983. And where was Simon?

- And perhaps the most interesting thing that happened this week, is the blowing up of the moon. Wait...there was just a full eclipse, but we did blow up a satellite. And the show Girlfriends was cancelled. But back to the satelitte....we blew it up because.....uh...is was threatening to the US, i mean the world, i dunno....we blew it the fuck up though. I think I should also mention, that the government that tape it was also the crew behind the genius of the Blair Witch Project. Suddenly, I am nauseous and bored at the same time.

That is all. You are dismissed, and I am going to bed, or back to bed. Here is a little something to help you sleep tonight.

"Come Out And Plaaaayyyaaayy."